DEAR ABBY: I am 19. Last year I made the biggest mistake of my life. My then-boyfriend persuaded me to marry him. We got the marriage license one day and were married the next. Nobody in my family knew about it. I really didn't want to do it, but I was having some problems at the time, and he hinted that he would never talk to me again if I didn't. We broke up in May.

He is not a U.S. citizen and has never lived here. He has since gone back to his country and hasn't returned to the states.

For the last three months, I have been seeing the most wonderful guy of my life. I'd like to get a divorce and move on, but I'm a full-time college student with no money, and my family doesn't have any money either. I found a site that was featured in the media that can help me with the divorce for little money, but my ex refuses to sign anything. I just want to get rid of him after the stuff he put me through, but I don't know where to go. -- "MARRIED" IN NEWBURGH, N.Y.

DEAR "MARRIED": Because of the circumstance of your marriage, it may not be possible to end it without the help of an attorney. Because you can't afford one, I recommend that you get a part-time job and save money for a consultation. With help, you may be able to get the marriage annulled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jon," and I are newlyweds. We bought and restored a house. Jon did most of the work himself. My mother-in-law, "Marjorie," who is understandably proud of her son, has taken to showing off our house -- but here's the hitch. She gives no warning beforehand; she just shows up on the front steps with people I've never met. (The first time Marjorie did it was the day Jon and I were leaving for our honeymoon.)

Abby, Marjorie parades these people into our kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, even our closets! If I ask her to please skip our office because it's a mess, she says, "Oh, just give them a look," and barges right in.

I have telephoned and asked her politely to please give me a little warning before bringing people to tour the house. Still, she shows up expecting to be let in with yet another stranger in tow.

The last time it happened, after a cue from me, Marjorie acknowledged that she knows I don't like when she does it, yet she continues. Jon is so nonconfrontational, he's no help controlling her. What can I do? -- VIOLATED AND ANGRY

DEAR VIOLATED AND ANGRY: Your mother-in-law continues to do this because your feelings are not important to her. The next time it happens, refuse to open the door to admit her.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is marrying a man who lives in another state. The groom's parents have invited 30 members of their family to attend the wedding. They'll be paying for their own lodgings at a local hotel, as well as their airline transportation.

Are we obligated to pay for transportation from the hotel to the church and reception, and the return trip to the hotel for the groom's family? We think renting a bus to transport the group would be more economical than multiple rental cars for the evening. My question is, who should be responsible for this cost? -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR FATHER: Providing transportation would be a gracious gesture. However, if it will create a financial hardship, consider asking the groom's parents to split the cost of renting the bus.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, a middle-aged minister, can rarely perform in the bedroom without wearing women's lingerie. I have put up with it because he seems to need it.

Lately he has begun wearing a bra around the house every day. He tries to hide it by wearing a heavy shirt or coat, but I can feel it when I hug him before leaving for work. I suspect he's even worn it to church. What would the parishioners think if they knew their preacher was delivering his sermon while wearing a bra?

It's starting to affect our marriage. He rarely speaks to me lately, and when he does, it's usually in monosyllables. I know he's not gay. Until now, our marriage has been a happy one.

I know many men have this problem. Maybe it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does. I don't know who to talk to. Everybody else takes their problems to their minister, but my husband IS one. If I go to his superiors, I'm afraid I'll get him into trouble, which I don't want to do.

Why do men wear women's clothes? Is it wrong? I appreciate any insight you can give me. -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR NEEDS: Men wear women's clothes for a variety of reasons. For some it's a sexual fetish; others do it because they say it calms them and relieves stress. It isn't "wrong," but it is different. Some wives go along with it and help their husbands to cross-dress. Others have a difficult time adjusting to it.

This is not something that should be discussed with your husband's superiors. More important than talking to anybody right now is for you to learn all you can about transvestism and cross-dressing. An excellent place to start would be to contact The Society for the Second Self, Tri-Ess National, P.O. Box 980638, Houston, TX 77098-0638. Write to the society or visit its Web site: http://tri-ess.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and hope you can help me. My parents have been married for, I think, 14 years -- but they have been together as a couple for 15.

During the last four years all they have done is argue. It has gotten so bad I have had to call the police to take my dad away. The main reason they fight is because of my dad's drinking. The last time they got into a fight, Dad got in trouble because of what he did. Now he has to go to counseling about the alcohol. Hopefully, that will help, but they still argue about small things.

I need help because my grades have been dropping, and I think one of the reasons may be the stuff that's going on with my parents. I don't know how to tell my mom that's the problem, because I'm afraid she'll think I'm making excuses. Please help me. -- DEEPLY FRUSTRATED, CORTLAND, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Explain your problem to a trusted teacher, counselor or administrator at school. An educator can not only explain to your parents what's causing your problem, but also see that you get the help you need to improve your grades. In addition to coaching, you will need a quiet, conflict-free zone in which to study. If no place is available at school, the home of a friend or a public library might be more conducive to concentration.

Sadly, many young people are affected by their parents' drinking. Support is available from Alateen, which has groups everywhere. (Their literature is available in 30 languages.) Visit the Web site at www.al-anon.alateen.org. Please don't wait. You will find that you are not alone.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to marry someone for love and have it turn to what feels like hate over nothing? (I mean, I can't think of one "big" thing that has gone bad.)

My 11-year marriage is about to end because of -- get this -- nothing! We have three wonderful kids, 3, 6 and 9. I'd do anything for them, which is why I'm still here.

Abby, when I wake up in the morning, it is without a "good morning." When I enter a room from shopping, etc., the reaction I get from my husband is not a "hello," but a sneer, and I'm not exaggerating. He says "goodnight" only if I say it first.

I take care of the bills, the kids and the house. I also work outside the home. I never get any acknowledgment for anything I do. There is a lot of tension all day long. (You should try walking around the house with him.) I am ready to do something -- but I don't know what. I know the first step is talking, and I have tried. His usual response is, "I'm acting this way because you did it first!"

Am I wrong to want a sincere smile and someone who likes me and is happy at least some of the time? (Oh, he is a wonderful person to everyone else.) I feel really hated and he won't tell me why. What now? -- SUFFERING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SUFFERING: You are not suffering because of "nothing." You are under full-scale assault by your passive-aggressive spouse. His refusal to discuss what's wrong ensures that whatever it is, it cannot be fixed. Please do not continue to tolerate it, because your children will notice, if they haven't already, and mistake what's going on for "normal."

For your sake and for theirs, copy all of the financial records and property records you can locate. Make sure no assets can be hidden. Then offer your husband a choice: marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer. You have suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who has a third-degree black belt. When I was 14, I had a boyfriend who was very abusive both physically and verbally. Back then, I didn't know how to handle him -- even though I was a first-degree. He drilled into my head that I was ugly, fat, and good enough only for him.

I finally broke it off, and I have found a great guy who I love a lot. My problem is, even though he says I'm beautiful, I don't believe him. And that makes him sad. I haven't believed any of the guys that told me I'm pretty. I know it's because of my abusive ex.

How do I make myself believe that I'm pretty and finally make my new boyfriend happy? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Perhaps understanding your ex-boyfriend's behavior will help. Abusers -- and that is what he was -- use criticism and insults to chip away at the self-esteem of their victims and make them incapable of leaving. You nailed it in your letter when you said, "... and good enough only for him."

The reason you have trouble believing you're attractive is that you're still feeling the effects of the psychological poison he spread. It has nothing to do with reality. If you weren't attractive, the abuser wouldn't have wanted you. Remind yourself of it every time you put yourself down. If that doesn't work, you may need counseling.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)