DEAR ABBY: I'm 19, and last month I moved in with my boyfriend of five years. Ever since we got settled in our new home, he has invited his friends over on a daily basis. It's not just one or two, Abby; he has six to nine people stopping by every day to hang out, watch movies and even eat dinner with us.

I have tried expressing to him that I'd like to be asked before these people are invited. He'll comply occasionally, but most of the time I come home and find three people lounging in our living room like they own the place. His response when I get upset is, "I pay half the rent. Can't I have my friends over?"

There are nights when I want to come home, put my feet up, and read a book in peace and quiet, or better yet, spend time just with him. How can I communicate this without making him defensive? -- CROWDED OUT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CROWDED: There is a secret to successful cohabitation. It's called compromise. Consideration for the other person's feelings is also helpful. Before inviting friends to come and hang out, or share a meal, your boyfriend should call and ask if that's OK with you. That's what partners do to keep peace under their roof. Please clip this and show it to your boyfriend. It's not a question of all or nothing; it's simply common courtesy.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved mother died the first week of February. Four hours after she drew her last breath, at a lunch following our visit to the mortuary to make burial arrangements, her "friend" of more than 40 years, "Marilyn," began asking me to give her items from my mother's home.

I agreed to let her have two chairs at some time in the future. Within two days after my return home (I live in a neighboring state), Marilyn and her husband entered Mother's home and removed two carloads of furniture -– not including the two chairs. They took photographs and personal items belonging to my mother, some of which were removed from her bedroom.

I insisted they return what they took, which they claim they did, but I'll always wonder whether they returned everything. Should I report the theft to the authorities or to the other family members? Should I demand an accounting from the so-called friends? -- ANGRY AND HEARTSICK IN SUN CITY

DEAR ANGRY AND HEARTSICK: By all means disclose what happened not only to your other family members, but also to your mother's lawyer and the police. The lawyer can demand the accounting, and the police can make sure that all the items were indeed returned.

DEAR ABBY: My question is a simple one. Which way should a woman wear her engagement and wedding ring set? I wear mine so the wedding band is inside and the engagement ring is outside. My friend wears hers the opposite way. Which is correct? -- NEEDS TO KNOW, CLOVIS, N.M.

DEAR NEEDS: The wedding band should be worn closest to the heart, and the engagement ring should be placed as a "guard" on the outside.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every holiday or special occasion that's celebrated in our home involves a certain amount of "horseplay" between the men -- my two adult stepsons and stepsons-in-law. Their ages range from 38 to 40.

When these supposed grown-ups come to visit, open gifts, etc., they wind up wrestling in our living room. The base of one of my lamps has been chipped, and once, my granddaughter (then 10) was pushed into a glass table and her back was scraped through her shirt.

I have asked them nicely to stop or to go downstairs, and this year I asked them to take it outside. They'll quit for a while, but act like I'm ruining their fun by telling them to stop. My husband refuses to say anything to them about it. He says it's a small price to pay because they are otherwise helpful, considerate and caring individuals, which is true.

I should add that alcohol is involved, but to remove it is not an option. It would create huge problems between my husband and me if I suggested it. I struggle between guilt for being upset, and frustration because I'm afraid someone will get hurt or my furniture will be broken. Any suggestions? -- NOT AMUSED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOT AMUSED: You're afraid someone will be hurt? Someone WAS hurt -- your granddaughter! If that wasn't a wake-up call for those literally "high"-spirited, overgrown adolescents, it will never happen. At the very least, the "boys" should pay to repair or replace any items they have damaged.

Alcohol isn't "involved"; alcohol is the problem. It appears to have lowered the very inhibitions your stepsons and stepsons-in-law need to maintain in order to behave like civilized adults. Until the issue is brought out into the open in your family, your problem will continue.

DEAR ABBY: I invite my best friend, "Lara," out for lunch about twice a month, so we can sit down and catch up on our lives in person. I look forward to it, and consider it female bonding time. Because Lara currently has a low-paying job, I foot the bill for these outings. I don't mind doing it because I enjoy her company.

Lara's husband, "Nicky," is out of work, and frankly, he's not looking very hard to find another one. (Most of his unemployment checks are spent on movies, video games, etc.) My problem is that Lara usually asks me if Nicky can come along with her to lunch. I always say yes because I don't know how to say no without offending her.

This leads to another problem. My budget only allows for a certain amount of fun stuff. Paying for Nicky drains my budget pretty quickly. He invariably orders the most expensive items on the menu, and a $30 luncheon becomes a $50 or $60 tab.

Is there a nice way of telling Lara that her husband's presence interferes with my one-on-one time with her without offending her or embarrassing me? -- FRUSTRATED IN RAINY CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I think you've put it very well in your letter. Her husband's presence restricts the kind of conversation you'd prefer to have with her, and the expense is busting your budget. That's neither offensive nor should it be embarrassing. It's the truth.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old son, "Mitch," and his live-in girlfriend, "Mimi," just became engaged, and I'm really worried. They met in college, where Mimi admits she went to "get her MRS."

When Mitch took a job in another state and started working on his graduate degree, Mimi tagged along. At first she had her own apartment. But since she "couldn't afford" a car, Mitch drove her to and from work every day. Then she got a job where he worked, and they began having lunch together every day to the exclusion of co-workers.

Two years later, Mimi still has no car of her own in a state where cars are a necessity. In addition, she's "just so tired" after her "long" 7 1/2-hour day that she "just can't manage to cook," so they either go out or Mitch does the cooking, too.

Abby, my son is lean, outgoing, into sports and martial arts. Mimi is obese and lethargic. She constantly complains about her aches and pains and other people. She has no hobbies and spends every night watching television.

I'm afraid this is somehow my fault. Mitch's mother was "high maintenance." I modeled caretaking for him in his early years when she and I were married -- we have been divorced for more than 10 years -- but never to this extent. Now Mimi has announced she needs surgery and pain-killers because she's got a bad back, and "exercise doesn't work." (How could it? She'd have to actually move!)

I'm desperate to have a father-son talk about the path Mitch seems to be heading down, but I also know I risk alienating him, maybe permanently. Should I keep my mouth shut, or what? -- PANICKED POP IN PAWTUCKET

DEAR PANICKED POP: Talk to your son, but make absolutely sure that when you do, it is not perceived as an attack on his fiancee. Instead, discuss the mistakes you made during your marriage to Mitch's mother, which fostered her dependence on you -- and which Mitch seems to be mirroring with Mimi. However, do it with a light touch, and with none of the contempt for her that you have displayed in your letter -- or it could, indeed, negatively affect your relationship with your son.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS: This Irish prayer was sent by a reader in Massachusetts. In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm sharing it with you:

Take time to work,

It is the price of success.

Take time to think,

It is the source of power.

Take time to play,

It is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to read,

It is the foundation of wisdom.

Take time to be friendly,

It is the road to happiness.

Take time to love and be loved,

It is the privilege of the gods.

Take time to share,

Life is too short to be selfish.

Take time to laugh,

Laughter is the music of the soul.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)