DEAR ABBY: My mother died last year. My 93-year-old father now lives with my sister "Lila" in her apartment back east. I have four brothers and another sister who reside in the same state.

I live in Arizona. Although I'd love for Dad to live here with me, he doesn't want to put such a great distance between himself and the rest of the family.

Dad gets $3,000 a month from Social Security. Since Lila doesn't work, she decided that she should be the one to take care of our father. All of us agreed that she should take Dad's Social Security check and use it for his care. Dad also has about $400,000 put away that is to be split among his children when he passes away.

Recently, Lila took $21,000 of our father's money, claiming it was a "gift" so she can purchase a co-op. (Dad would buy it; her name would be on the deed.) Someone, I'm not sure who, called Dad's lawyer and reported the withdrawal. The lawyer met with Lila and my brother "Hersch," who has our father's power of attorney. The lawyer told Lila she can either pay back the $21,000 or it'll be deducted from her inheritance. The lawyer then put Dad's money into a trust fund so it cannot be touched.

Now that she can't have the money as a gift, Lila is very angry and refuses to let anyone speak to Daddy on the phone. We are pretty certain that Lila never informed our father about the withdrawal -- she was trying to steal it. I think she is afraid we might say something about what happened.

Besides retaliating against us, it is also punishing Dad. Because I live across the country, the phone is my only means of communication with him. I'm at my wit's end. Lila has never gotten along with us siblings, and it has always been like pulling teeth to get her to let me speak to my father. Now she's severing the lines completely. Is there anything I can do? -- HELP! IN ARIZONA

DEAR HELP!: There sure is. Pick up the phone and discuss this with your siblings and your father's lawyer. Your sister is attempting to isolate your father, and there is no guarantee that his Social Security check is being spent for his benefit.

If your brothers and sisters do not live close enough to check regularly on Dad's welfare, it may be necessary to hire a social worker or care manager, or move him to an assisted-living facility. Please don't wait. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I am in seventh grade and I have a problem. Everyone refers to me as "Roy's" little sister. Roy is good at sports and is popular. I am not -- so no one remembers my name.

I want to be called by my name, but my brother's friends always seem to forget it. I hang out with Roy a lot, and I don't want to be called that anymore -- but I don't know how to say it. Any suggestions? -- INVISIBLE IN GREENFIELD, IND.

DEAR INVISIBLE: Ask your brother to help by reminding his friends that you have a name when they refer to you as his little sister. If it happens in front of you, speak up and say, "My name is ( )." It may take some time, but eventually they'll catch on. In fact, once you're a little older, I guarantee it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The recent news of a possible new strain of HIV that is drug-resistant to three of the four classes of anti-HIV drugs and may progress to AIDS in months rather than years, should provide a wake-up call to those who are not practicing safer sex and/or are still sharing needles and syringes.

Time after time, I hear young people say they're not worried about being exposed to HIV/AIDS because, should they get infected, they can take the appropriate medicine and they'll be fine. Unfortunately, they could be dead wrong. If they become infected, the medicines they will have to take can cause serious side effects and must be taken for the rest of their lives. Also, not all people benefit from the medications, especially those who are unfortunate enough to be infected with a strain of virus that's already resistant to one or more classes of drugs.

Abby, people need to understand that HIV is not spread through the air, or from shaking hands or hugging someone who has the virus. If you have unprotected sex or share needles and syringes you could become infected. If you don't, you won't.

It's up to all of us to protect ourselves and our partners. -- MERVYN R. SILVERMAN, M.D., FORMER PRESIDENT, AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR AIDS RESEARCH

DEAR DR. SILVERMAN: I agree that it's critically important for folks to protect themselves and their loved ones from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In order to do that, they must act responsibly. By that, I mean they must refrain from unprotected sex unless both parties have been screened for HIV and are negative, and, of course, remain strictly monogamous.

I am appalled that there has actually been "debate" about whether the public should have been warned so quickly about what appears to be a new, more virulent strain of HIV that is drug-resistant. I hope the announcement will remind everyone about a subject that seems to have been forgotten in the last decade. For their own safety, sexually active people must keep their wits about them and always use condoms. And for those who say condoms aren't 100 percent effective, when properly used they are EXTREMELY effective in preventing STDs, especially HIV. Not using them is playing Russian roulette.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and a sophomore in high school. I have been struggling with my weight for two years. I have tried Weight Watchers and other weight-loss programs, and I try not to eat between meals or consume a lot of junk food -- but I just can't stop.

My parents keep pressuring me to lose 40 pounds. Even my friends say I should lose weight. They say if I do, my crush would notice me more. Can you give me any tips for losing weight? -- CHUBBY IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CHUBBY: Everything has a price. If you want to lose weight, the price you'll have to pay is abstaining from high-carb, high-fat, empty-calorie food for a while. If you get hungry between meals, have something to eat, but make it fresh fruit or veggies and an ounce of low-fat protein.

Losing weight is like banking: If you eat more calories than you "spend," you'll have fat in your "savings account." If you spend more calories than you save, you'll gradually become lean and mean. So exercise every day, and go back to Weight Watchers. I have seen miracles occur on that program, and there is no reason why it can't work for you, too.

DEAR ABBY: Imagine if, by applying what we already know, we could save the majority of lives that are lost to the third-leading cause of cancer in men and women. That's no pie-in-the-sky dream. I'm talking about colon cancer. Regular testing can help prevent this disease or detect it at its earliest, most treatable stage.

This year, colon cancer will claim the lives of more than 56,000 Americans. That's more than 150 deaths a day, many of them preventable. The tests allow doctors to remove polyps before they can become cancerous, and prevent colon cancer from happening. These same tests can also detect early signs of the disease as effectively as mammography detects breast cancer. So why aren't Americans over the age of 50 getting tested?

Many people simply do not realize they're at risk beginning at age 50. Some people think they don't need to be tested because they have no family history of the disease or symptoms. The truth is, symptoms often don't appear until colon cancer has progressed, and no matter what a person's family history or how someone feels, if you're 50 or older you're at risk for colon cancer.

There is also the perception that the test will be embarrassing or painful. While some of the tests may be uncomfortable, colon cancer is far worse.

Bottom line: If you're 50 or older, now is the time to get tested for colon cancer. People with a family history of the disease or other risk factors should discuss with their doctors getting tested even earlier.

Abby, March marks the sixth annual National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. It's a perfect time to start raising this important subject and making sure that Americans get the test that could save their lives. Do it NOW. Don't put it off. It's one of the few cancer tests that can actually prevent the disease. -- STEPHEN F. SENER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. SENER: I am pleased to help publicize this important message. Readers, if there is a history of colon cancer in your family, please discuss it with your doctors, regardless of your age. If you're lucky and there isn't one, but you're 50 or nearly there, recognize that adulthood brings with it certain responsibilities. So don't be childish, don't be embarrassed and don't be afraid. The exam isn't painful. The biggest "inconvenience" is the preparation for it. Consider it an initiation into a special club -- the long-life club.

The American Cancer Society offers a free information kit to help you discuss colon cancer testing with your physician. To get one, call toll-free: (800) 227-2345 and stop colon cancer before it starts.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old, American-born Asian woman, whose tradition-bound, first-generation mother insists that I, or another person in our family, share a portion of our meal with her even though she has already eaten and we have not. This is acceptable behavior in her home, but is it appropriate for her to continue this behavior in public?

For example, my mother, my aunt, my cousin's three children and husband and I went out to dinner at a steakhouse, and my mother insisted that I slice a portion of my steak and share it with my cousin, who had already started to eat her entree of pasta. Not wanting to create a scene, I obliged. Mother becomes angry with me when I try to explain that this is not proper etiquette. She calls me selfish for not wanting to share. What do you suggest I do? -- FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You will spare yourself a lot of heartburn if you realize that you cannot change your mother. So, when you are at a restaurant with her, order a larger portion than you normally would, beat her to the punch and offer to share.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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