DEAR ABBY: I am writing to tell you about some of the bravest, strongest, most resilient people I know -- military spouses. So often people write you about problems, troubles or issues. Perhaps my letter will bring a smile to someone's face.

I am in the Army, currently deployed in Iraq. Here, all I have to worry about are my soldiers and myself. They are great guys who make it easy for me, as they all act maturely and professionally.

While I am here, my wife is back home worrying about me. She does all the chores around the house, cooks, takes care of our three sons, helps them with homework, holds down a full-time job, and still finds time to keep our children enrolled in whatever extra activities they can do. She is now filling the roles of both mother and father. Her strength amazes me. Once she went away for 10 days to attend a wedding, and I had to take vacation time to keep up with the house and the kids.

I'm not saying my wife walks on water -- although she swims well -- but a lot of people send messages over here to the soldiers saying, "Thank you for your service." I personally think the unsung heroes are the ones who fill the shoes of the soldiers when they are deployed.

I have been gone for a year and can't wait to return home. I'm planning family time, Mom and Dad time, and I'm also going to let my wife have some time of her own. I just want your readers to know that soldiers have people we look up to, too, and who we think are true American heroes. -- LOVING SOLDIER IN IRAQ

DEAR SOLDIER: I'm printing your love letter because I know you speak for many of those serving their country far from home. I agree that it takes a special kind of person to be a military spouse, someone with strength, courage and self-reliance. Military spouses are, indeed, unsung heroes. Thank you for pointing it out.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, good-looking, and in great shape, but I haven't had a girlfriend since 2000. I am pretty sure the reason is I refuse to have sex until I am married. I am very religious. When I marry and devote myself to my wife, I want to be able to truly say she has all of me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I want to look her in the eye and tell her honestly that I saved myself just for her.

A lot of girls in college are just looking for sex, and that's not me. Granted, I do date -- but after about two weeks, when they find out I don't want to have sex, they don't like that. It has become frustrating to the point that my parents asked me if I was gay, because I haven't brought home a steady girlfriend.

Does any girl my age want a nice guy? It doesn't seem that way. I'm considering changing my persona and becoming a hard-time partier and forgetting about my commitment to abstinence, because it seems that girls just want the "bad" boy. If you would respond to that, it would be great. God bless. -- ALONE IN ARIZONA

DEAR ALONE: Please don't give up or compromise your values. My dear departed Grandpa A.B. had a saying: "If you want to catch trout, don't go fishing in a herring barrel." Since you want a girl with strong conservative values like your own -- and they do exist -- affiliate with a church-based youth group, or try an Internet Christian dating service. Many girls are praying to meet someone just like you, so don't give up.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman who would like to meet and date a man who respects women.

Two years ago, my husband and I were divorced. Since then my dating experiences have been disappointing.

My friends and acquaintances all say that meeting men in a bar is not a good way to find someone with whom I could be happy. I agree, because most of the men I have met in bars never call after the first date. They are unemployed, recently separated, or drop me after a few dates when I won't have sex.

I have contacted local parishes to find out about weekend retreats and charity functions, but dating men I met there didn't bring any better results.

I don't understand why dating is such a problem. I'm blond, attractive and friendly. I work and attend college full time. I am ambitious, a voracious reader and can carry on an intelligent conversation.

Most men I've encountered seem happy to live at home with their parents and don't want to start a family of their own.

I'm looking for someone who would take me to dinner and a movie and treat me like a lady. I don't mind staying home and watching movies sometimes, but men today apparently want only casual sex -- not relationships.

Unlike my girlfriends who are satisfied with bar-hopping every weekend for male companionship, I want to share my life with someone and have a family. I'm not asking for an instant marriage proposal, but I would like a meaningful relationship. Have you any suggestions? -- DISCOURAGED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR DISCOURAGED: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, decent people can be found where decent people gather. Volunteer your services at a library, a hospital, the mental health society, or anyplace that could use a helping hand. Join clubs focused on activities you enjoy such as hiking, reading, golfing, fishing, etc. Take square dance, ballroom, folk or line dance classes. Go to museums, art exhibits and concerts. Join the chamber of commerce and attend its mixers; join a professional club, a gym or the YMCA. Volunteer at a political campaign headquarters. The more people who know you're interested in meeting someone, the greater your chances will be of finding Mr. Right.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who is a junior in college, came out to me last Christmas. She said that she is a lesbian and her roommate for the past year is her lover.

I must admit that even though I have always accepted homosexuality as part of the natural order of things, I was not prepared for one of my children to be gay.

I am now over the shock and I have invited my daughter's roommate to visit us during the spring break.

My dilemma: Should I allow them to sleep together in my home? I would not allow my son (who is straight) to sleep with his girlfriend in my home. -- TRULY BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: If you would not allow your son, who is straight, to sleep with his girlfriend in your home, the same logic should apply to your daughter and her lover. Put them in separate bedrooms.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "TIRED OF BOSSY PARENTS": This Chinese proverb may give you some insight. Memorize it and repeat it daily: "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a person perfected without trials."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and I suffer from a condition where the person has a strong, persistent desire to have one or more limbs amputated. This happens every day, and I don't understand it, but I want to have my leg amputated.

I have researched prosthetics on the Internet and have found that life as an amputee is not that different. But I'm afraid if I tell my parents they will think I'm crazy. What should I do? Please answer this. It is ripping me apart. -- WANNABE AMPUTEE IN BERKELEY

DEAR WANNABE: The compulsion you have described is, I don't have to tell you, an unusual one. Please find the courage to tell your parents what is on your mind. Your parents may want you to explore this issue with a psychotherapist. Do not be afraid to do so; it does not mean you are "crazy." However, it would be extremely helpful for you to understand what is driving this "need."

DEAR ABBY: In my line of work I come in contact with a lot of people. Occasionally, my clients bring up the subject of race and make unacceptable comments.

I have two beautiful biracial children and I feel I need to defend their honor and tell these people I do not approve of the comments. However, I have been informed by management that I am not allowed to say anything to the clients. I have spoken to a friend about this. She has also had encounters like mine.

How can I handle this tastefully and still keep my job? -- OFFENDED IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR OFFENDED: A picture is worth a thousand words. If there are no rules against displaying family photographs, bring a lovely framed picture of your little ones to work and display it on your desk. Should anyone ask who the children are, smile sweetly and say, "They're mine." Unless the person is deliberately trying to be obnoxious, that should put an end to the comments.

DEAR ABBY: My 75-year-old paternal grandmother, "Granny Claire," smells like mothballs and she's totally unaware of it. She stores her winter clothes in a basement storage area filled with mothballs, and the odor has saturated her house and everything in it.

Other people have been offended by it and have made comments to my sister and me. We have tried to tell Granny nicely, but she acts like we're exaggerating and shrugs it off. No one can stay in her home for long periods.

At a recent function, people commented about the "funny odor" in the next room. It was Granny Claire! What can we do to help her? -- HOLDING MY NOSE IN N.J.

DEAR HOLDING: Your problem is not as uncommon as you might think. As people age their senses dull, and the senses of hearing, taste and smell can be affected. (Example: I recently heard from a man who was worried because his elderly mother did not seem to notice when food had spoiled in her refrigerator.)

In your grandmother's case, I recommend a family intervention that she cannot shrug off -- and that her son, your father, accompany her to an ear, nose and throat specialist for an evaluation.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)