DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call "Tara." A few months ago, Tara gave me a puppy. She said it was for no reason other than "because we're such good friends," and she knew I had been thinking about getting one.

I told Tara that I wanted to get her a present, but she refused, saying she would not accept any of my charity. I let it go.

My birthday and Tara's are on the same day. That's how we became friends. I bought Tara a present. She did not give me one, although we usually exchange gifts. Instead, she demanded that I give her a laptop computer and several DVDs or give her back the dog!

Abby, I was astounded. I was even more astounded when Tara claimed she "knew" I had been into drugs and was a department store thief. She said if I didn't give her what she asked, she would tell my mother and the police.

I have never been into drugs. I don't steal. Should I give her what she wants? I don't want to go to jail. -- ASTOUNDED IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR ASTOUNDED: Do not return the puppy, and do not give in to her demands. However, DO cross Tara off your list of friends. Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. There are names for what this manipulative "friend" is attempting to do; the terms extortion and blackmail would apply. It's important you tell your mother what's going on immediately. Then inform Tara that the friendship is over and there are severe penalties for filing a false police report.

DEAR ABBY: My brother committed suicide four years ago. He had two children who are now in the fourth and sixth grades. Their mother has never told them the circumstances of their father's death.

When is it appropriate to tell children that a parent's death was due to suicide? Everyone who knew my brother knows how he died. I'm afraid someone will slip up and say something in front of them. I think it would be better if they heard it from their mother sooner rather than from a stranger years from now. What do you think? -- CONCERNED AUNT

DEAR CONCERNED: What makes you think the children have no idea of the circumstances surrounding their father's death? Little pitchers have big ears, and there was bound to be conversation about it when it happened. Even if an effort was made to protect the little ones, children are not stupid, nor do they operate in a vacuum. If conversation comes to a screeching halt when they enter a room, they know something is wrong.

They may not have talked to their mother about it because they're afraid they'll make her sad if they do. By all means, the mother should bring up the subject with them -- if only to ask them what they know about their father's death.

DEAR ABBY: I feel guilty about something and don't know if it is justified. A co-worker was recently fired. We had worked together on a daily basis, but were not especially close. I knew about the firing two weeks before it happened.

Another co-worker told me I should have warned him to help "soften the blow." I was afraid to say anything because I am in a senior management position. What's your opinion? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Had you leaked the news you would have betrayed a confidence, and it would have created tension in the office. If word of the impending termination had reached the employee, it could have resulted in retaliation against your employers. You did the right thing by remaining silent.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and involved with a man who is younger than I am. When we started our relationship, he was awesome and very kind. Now, six months later, he has changed. He is always yelling at me and telling me what to do. When I do what he says, it's still not right, or good enough.

After we were together for one month, we moved back to my home in New Mexico, and that's when the problems started. At first, it was only name-calling. I have tried to break up with him, but he won't let me. He keeps me awake, and won't let me leave the room to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water until I agree to stay with him. He has even laid his hands on me at times.

He throws it in my face that he can't leave because he has nowhere to go since we're so far from his home. Abby, he's the one who wanted to come here. I'm afraid of him. I'm convinced he will seriously hurt me sooner or later. -- SCARED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SCARED: So am I, because his abuse is escalating. Pick up the phone and call the toll-free number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. They will help you formulate an escape plan. Please do not wait -- do it today.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of nights ago, my husband, "Irving," and I went out to dinner with "Ray," a friend of his who was visiting from out of town. This morning, I stumbled upon an instant message Irving had left open on his computer between himself and Ray. I couldn't help but see the first sentence my hubby had written. He was commenting on the number of "hot, hot" women at the restaurant.

I know I shouldn't have, but I went on to read the message. I couldn't stop myself. It described one woman in particular whom he found attractive, a tall blonde two tables over, directly in his line of sight.

Abby, I was floored -- shocked! Irving has always told me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him, but after reading his comments, I feel I've been lied to all along. I have no doubt that Irving has always been loving and faithful. But I'm upset and angry over this and wonder if I should say something or let it slide. Am I overreacting? Was this just man-talk and men being harmless? -- MAD ANYHOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MAD ANYHOW: There's an expression, "Boys will be boys," but in this case it was men acting like boys. Do not get mad -- just smile and say, "Irving, you left the window open and the cat is out of the bag." That should be revenge enough.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's cousin has a son, "Johnny," who is almost 6. Whenever we see Johnny, he jumps all over my husband and hits him. We believe Johnny is too old for that kind of behavior. My husband and Johnny's father repeatedly ask the boy to stop, but he usually pays no attention until he has been asked six or seven times. It has gotten to the point where we don't want to be around Johnny. What would you do in a situation like this? -- OUT OF IDEAS IN TACOMA

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: Here is what I would do: avoid putting myself into situations where Johnny was present. And if my cousin asked why I didn't visit anymore, I wouldn't mince words in explaining the reason.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's cousin has a son, "Johnny," who is almost 6. Whenever we see Johnny, he jumps all over my husband and hits him. We believe Johnny is too old for that kind of behavior. My husband and Johnny's father repeatedly ask the boy to stop, but he usually pays no attention until he has been asked six or seven times. It has gotten to the point where we don't want to be around Johnny. What would you do in a situation like this? -- OUT OF IDEAS IN TACOMA

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: Here is what I would do: avoid putting myself into situations where Johnny was present. And if my cousin asked why I didn't visit anymore, I wouldn't mince words in explaining the reason.

DEAR READERS: Because today is Valentine's Day, I thought you might enjoy reading some of the 5 million messages of love and support sent to our men and women in the military during the Christmas holidays via OperationDearAbby.net. Those "love letters" warmed my heart, as I know they will yours as well. Read on:

FROM RHONNIE IN TEXAS: "I know things must be hard for you, being far from home and missing the friends and family you depend on for comfort. I know that when you signed on, you knew you could end up in an unfriendly place and would be gone for long periods of time. You knew this, yet you did it anyway. That selfless act says much of your character, your strength and your courage.

"You're probably homesick, as are your family and friends for you. You are loved and appreciated by more than only your friends and family. You have a strong nation behind you that wishes you home soon, whether you be in the heat of the desert or the cold and snow. Be safe, and thank you."

FROM SHARON IN SANFORD, MICH.: "Thank you for your service to our country. I pray that everywhere you go, and in everything you confront, that you will be given a special wisdom. It is my heart's desire that truth and freedom be strengthened, and flourish, and all error manifested and dissolved."

FROM ROBYN G., THE WOODLANDS, TEXAS: "Thank you for all of your sacrifices and hardships. I want everyone over there fighting the good fight to know that America is thankful, even if we don't write all the time or send packages. We are here for you and will be here for you when you come home. :) Love and prayers."

FROM LOUISE IN LEWISVILLE, OHIO: "You may find it hard to understand that someone you don't even know is thinking about you. I am a mother of three and was an Army wife. You all are near and dear to my heart. Know that someone is praying that you come home safe and sound, that someone needs you to know you are not forgotten. Finish your job, make the world a better place and come home soon."

FROM BECKY IN EDWARDSVILLE, ILL.: "Thank you for volunteering, and thank you for hanging in there during the tough times. There's no doubt we have the best sailors, soldiers, airmen, Marines and National Guard in the world, and you make us very proud. I'll continue to pray for your safety and hope you soon have a happy voyage home."

FROM ASHLEY IN MERRITT ISLAND, FLA.: "Find strength in the small things, laugh every chance you get, and know that you're missed and we pray every day for your safe return. Never-ending courage deserves never-ending gratitude. Thank you so much for all your sacrifices."

FROM "MIKEY" IN PAYSON, ARIZ.: "Thank you a million times for the job you are doing in that distant location. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am a senior citizen and understand why you are there. And although some in this country disagree with why you are there, we all agree that you should come home soon. Nevertheless, while you are there, we recognize that you are fighting the good fight, and hope your service ends soon. 'Thank you' seems an inadequate phrase for what should be said for your brave service. We all love you and hope you are reunited with your family as soon as possible."

READERS: I know many of you have plans for tonight that include candlelight and flowers. This is a time when our members of the military deployed far from home acutely feel the absence of their loved ones. So, please, go to OperationDearAbby.net and send a message telling them they are in our hearts. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)