DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and involved with a man who is younger than I am. When we started our relationship, he was awesome and very kind. Now, six months later, he has changed. He is always yelling at me and telling me what to do. When I do what he says, it's still not right, or good enough.

After we were together for one month, we moved back to my home in New Mexico, and that's when the problems started. At first, it was only name-calling. I have tried to break up with him, but he won't let me. He keeps me awake, and won't let me leave the room to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water until I agree to stay with him. He has even laid his hands on me at times.

He throws it in my face that he can't leave because he has nowhere to go since we're so far from his home. Abby, he's the one who wanted to come here. I'm afraid of him. I'm convinced he will seriously hurt me sooner or later. -- SCARED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SCARED: So am I, because his abuse is escalating. Pick up the phone and call the toll-free number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. They will help you formulate an escape plan. Please do not wait -- do it today.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of nights ago, my husband, "Irving," and I went out to dinner with "Ray," a friend of his who was visiting from out of town. This morning, I stumbled upon an instant message Irving had left open on his computer between himself and Ray. I couldn't help but see the first sentence my hubby had written. He was commenting on the number of "hot, hot" women at the restaurant.

I know I shouldn't have, but I went on to read the message. I couldn't stop myself. It described one woman in particular whom he found attractive, a tall blonde two tables over, directly in his line of sight.

Abby, I was floored -- shocked! Irving has always told me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him, but after reading his comments, I feel I've been lied to all along. I have no doubt that Irving has always been loving and faithful. But I'm upset and angry over this and wonder if I should say something or let it slide. Am I overreacting? Was this just man-talk and men being harmless? -- MAD ANYHOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MAD ANYHOW: There's an expression, "Boys will be boys," but in this case it was men acting like boys. Do not get mad -- just smile and say, "Irving, you left the window open and the cat is out of the bag." That should be revenge enough.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's cousin has a son, "Johnny," who is almost 6. Whenever we see Johnny, he jumps all over my husband and hits him. We believe Johnny is too old for that kind of behavior. My husband and Johnny's father repeatedly ask the boy to stop, but he usually pays no attention until he has been asked six or seven times. It has gotten to the point where we don't want to be around Johnny. What would you do in a situation like this? -- OUT OF IDEAS IN TACOMA

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: Here is what I would do: avoid putting myself into situations where Johnny was present. And if my cousin asked why I didn't visit anymore, I wouldn't mince words in explaining the reason.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Because today is Valentine's Day, I thought you might enjoy reading some of the 5 million messages of love and support sent to our men and women in the military during the Christmas holidays via OperationDearAbby.net. Those "love letters" warmed my heart, as I know they will yours as well. Read on:

FROM RHONNIE IN TEXAS: "I know things must be hard for you, being far from home and missing the friends and family you depend on for comfort. I know that when you signed on, you knew you could end up in an unfriendly place and would be gone for long periods of time. You knew this, yet you did it anyway. That selfless act says much of your character, your strength and your courage.

"You're probably homesick, as are your family and friends for you. You are loved and appreciated by more than only your friends and family. You have a strong nation behind you that wishes you home soon, whether you be in the heat of the desert or the cold and snow. Be safe, and thank you."

FROM SHARON IN SANFORD, MICH.: "Thank you for your service to our country. I pray that everywhere you go, and in everything you confront, that you will be given a special wisdom. It is my heart's desire that truth and freedom be strengthened, and flourish, and all error manifested and dissolved."

FROM ROBYN G., THE WOODLANDS, TEXAS: "Thank you for all of your sacrifices and hardships. I want everyone over there fighting the good fight to know that America is thankful, even if we don't write all the time or send packages. We are here for you and will be here for you when you come home. :) Love and prayers."

FROM LOUISE IN LEWISVILLE, OHIO: "You may find it hard to understand that someone you don't even know is thinking about you. I am a mother of three and was an Army wife. You all are near and dear to my heart. Know that someone is praying that you come home safe and sound, that someone needs you to know you are not forgotten. Finish your job, make the world a better place and come home soon."

FROM BECKY IN EDWARDSVILLE, ILL.: "Thank you for volunteering, and thank you for hanging in there during the tough times. There's no doubt we have the best sailors, soldiers, airmen, Marines and National Guard in the world, and you make us very proud. I'll continue to pray for your safety and hope you soon have a happy voyage home."

FROM ASHLEY IN MERRITT ISLAND, FLA.: "Find strength in the small things, laugh every chance you get, and know that you're missed and we pray every day for your safe return. Never-ending courage deserves never-ending gratitude. Thank you so much for all your sacrifices."

FROM "MIKEY" IN PAYSON, ARIZ.: "Thank you a million times for the job you are doing in that distant location. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am a senior citizen and understand why you are there. And although some in this country disagree with why you are there, we all agree that you should come home soon. Nevertheless, while you are there, we recognize that you are fighting the good fight, and hope your service ends soon. 'Thank you' seems an inadequate phrase for what should be said for your brave service. We all love you and hope you are reunited with your family as soon as possible."

READERS: I know many of you have plans for tonight that include candlelight and flowers. This is a time when our members of the military deployed far from home acutely feel the absence of their loved ones. So, please, go to OperationDearAbby.net and send a message telling them they are in our hearts. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Lance," attends the Naval Academy in Annapolis. We have been dating seriously for a long time and have made plans to start our life together when he graduates and heads off to flight school. I intended to leave my job, my family and friends to be with him.

Recently, out of the clear blue sky, Lance told me he has second thoughts about our plans. He said his doubts stem from his concern for my best interests. He feels it would be too difficult for me to continually move over the years, and he would feel guilty asking me to sacrifice so much for him.

I was caught completely off guard. I told Lance that, because I love him so much, I want to give this new life a chance. We talked for hours, and he decided that although he loves me very much, his life belongs to the Navy, and no one but he should make sacrifices.

Should I try to mend this relationship or let him go? -- STILL IN LOVE IN MARYLAND

DEAR STILL: It's apparent that Lance gave the matter considerable thought before he discussed his change of heart with you. "Mending fences" won't work because his mind is already made up. Speaking metaphorically, the ship has sailed, and you have been left behind. As I see it, you have no choice but to let him go. Make the break a clean one and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's brother, "George," lives with us. It was my wife's suggestion because he was homeless, and she didn't want him on the streets in the cold weather. She said she wanted him to stay with us for a few months. That was more than three years ago.

I am fed up with this. George doesn't work, so he's no help with the bills. He brings women here like it's his house. He smokes dope here and gets drunk on beer. I don't do any of those things. He won't even mow the lawn in the summer.

I have told my wife that George is a 50-year-old man and has got to move elsewhere. She agrees, but says nothing to him. It has led to some serious arguments. I recently left something out in our bedroom to see if it would disappear, and yes, it did. I knew it would. I am ready to leave my own home. What should I do now? -- TIRED OF MY BROTHER-IN-LAW IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: You have done more than enough for your brother-in-law. The time has come for George to sober up, grow up, and take responsibility for himself. Since your wife can't bring herself to tell her brother he must go, it's up to you. Your marriage depends on it. Set a date for him to leave and insist upon it. In the meantime, make sure your valuables are under lock and key.

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, I became involved with a gentleman whom I met at church. He is kind and caring –- everything that a girl could look for. We are compatible and get along quite well in more ways than one.

The problem is he is living with someone else, and his job takes up much of his time. When we're together the time goes by so quickly -– and then I hear nothing for days on end. He tells me that he cares for me, and I care about him, but I'm confused. Should I bide my time in the hope that things will improve? Or should I turn tail and run? -- CONFLICTED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR CONFLICTED: Face it: Your kind, caring, compatible, churchgoing guy already has a hen sitting in his nest. Unless you want to end up with egg on your face, run like the dickens. He's already taken.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)