DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Lance," attends the Naval Academy in Annapolis. We have been dating seriously for a long time and have made plans to start our life together when he graduates and heads off to flight school. I intended to leave my job, my family and friends to be with him.

Recently, out of the clear blue sky, Lance told me he has second thoughts about our plans. He said his doubts stem from his concern for my best interests. He feels it would be too difficult for me to continually move over the years, and he would feel guilty asking me to sacrifice so much for him.

I was caught completely off guard. I told Lance that, because I love him so much, I want to give this new life a chance. We talked for hours, and he decided that although he loves me very much, his life belongs to the Navy, and no one but he should make sacrifices.

Should I try to mend this relationship or let him go? -- STILL IN LOVE IN MARYLAND

DEAR STILL: It's apparent that Lance gave the matter considerable thought before he discussed his change of heart with you. "Mending fences" won't work because his mind is already made up. Speaking metaphorically, the ship has sailed, and you have been left behind. As I see it, you have no choice but to let him go. Make the break a clean one and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's brother, "George," lives with us. It was my wife's suggestion because he was homeless, and she didn't want him on the streets in the cold weather. She said she wanted him to stay with us for a few months. That was more than three years ago.

I am fed up with this. George doesn't work, so he's no help with the bills. He brings women here like it's his house. He smokes dope here and gets drunk on beer. I don't do any of those things. He won't even mow the lawn in the summer.

I have told my wife that George is a 50-year-old man and has got to move elsewhere. She agrees, but says nothing to him. It has led to some serious arguments. I recently left something out in our bedroom to see if it would disappear, and yes, it did. I knew it would. I am ready to leave my own home. What should I do now? -- TIRED OF MY BROTHER-IN-LAW IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: You have done more than enough for your brother-in-law. The time has come for George to sober up, grow up, and take responsibility for himself. Since your wife can't bring herself to tell her brother he must go, it's up to you. Your marriage depends on it. Set a date for him to leave and insist upon it. In the meantime, make sure your valuables are under lock and key.

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, I became involved with a gentleman whom I met at church. He is kind and caring –- everything that a girl could look for. We are compatible and get along quite well in more ways than one.

The problem is he is living with someone else, and his job takes up much of his time. When we're together the time goes by so quickly -– and then I hear nothing for days on end. He tells me that he cares for me, and I care about him, but I'm confused. Should I bide my time in the hope that things will improve? Or should I turn tail and run? -- CONFLICTED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR CONFLICTED: Face it: Your kind, caring, compatible, churchgoing guy already has a hen sitting in his nest. Unless you want to end up with egg on your face, run like the dickens. He's already taken.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 40 years old and have a close friend whom I have known since elementary school. She has been married for many years and has a beautiful home and family.

Abby, my friend is addicted to painkillers. She will cut herself or burn herself just so she can go to the ER to get pills. She goes to different hospitals and urgent care centers each time.

I have an ongoing medical condition, and she has begged me for my pills (which I need), offered to buy them from me and become irate when I refused. She has even told me that she offers to pay for other people's prescriptions if they'll give her half their pills.

This is putting a damper on our friendship, and I'm not sure what to do. Your thoughts, please. -- WORRIED IN WICHITA

DEAR WORRIED: Your friend is a prescription drug addict. She will need professional help to kick that habit, and possibly a support group thereafter. The kindest thing you could do for her is to tell her husband what you have told me, so he can alert her doctor and find help for her.

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old son, "Fritz," is lying to me. He is given 25 cents every school day for milk at lunch. Lately, I have been finding this money in his pocket when I do laundry. When I asked my son about it, Fritz looked me straight in the eye and told me the price of milk went up to 35 cents last September. I know for a fact this is not true.

My husband, "Frank," thinks this is no big deal, but for me the fact that Fritz is looking me in the eye and lying to me is very serious. If he's lying about this small issue at 10, what will he be doing in five years? How can I ever be sure he's telling the truth?

There are many other issues involving our children where Frank refuses to back me up. I'm ready to throw in the towel and leave him to deal with it all. I'm exhausted and can't fight it anymore. I'm afraid to even suggest family therapy. Frank would never be physically abusive, but I'm afraid that he would just shut down emotionally. The only thing we have going for us is that he's a great dad. Take that away, and I'm afraid we will fall apart completely. -- WORN OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORN OUT: Under no circumstances must you tolerate your son lying to you. Tell him you are going to check on his story, and if it turns out to be untrue, you will be forced to punish him. Give him a chance to own up. If he comes clean -- could it be he doesn't like milk? -- do not punish him. If he continues to lie, then you must take away enough of his privileges that he will forevermore remember the penalty for lying.

P.S. Please wake up to the fact that "great dads" do not turn a blind eye when their children lie or misbehave. Nor do they fail to back their spouse when it comes to discipline, hoping to make themselves look good at the other's expense. If all that's holding your marriage together is the illusion that your husband is a great dad, you two are in serious trouble. However, until you are both willing to work on it, nothing will change. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Caucasian woman married to a Filipino man. We have a 9-month-old daughter. The problem is that strangers come up to me and ask if my daughter is adopted. I find this extremely offensive. What can I say to these people? -- TEACHING TOLERANCE IN TAMPA

DEAR TEACHING TOLERANCE: Just say no -– and keep walking.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I work a night-shift job, as does my sister-in-law, who lives in my home. People who don't work nights cannot seem to understand the need for us to get our sleep during the day. They frequently call at noon, wondering why we're not up yet.

These people need to know that noon is just like midnight for people who work the day shift. Many nights I go to work on less than four hours of sleep, mainly because if people can't reach me on the house phone, they'll call my cell phone, which is the emergency number for my husband and kids.

My answering machine clearly states that I "work nights and sleep days, so please leave a message and I'll return the call."

Your column is widely read, and I'm certain that a good number of other night-shift workers would appreciate it if you could spread the word: Those of us who work nights need the same amount of sleep that people who work days do. -- SLEEPLESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I'm pleased to help spread the word. For callers to bypass your answering machine and use your cell phone number is rude, inconsiderate, and could endanger your health. Sleep deprivation can cause memory and concentration problems, accidents and mistakes at work, increase blood pressure, and even compromise the immune system. In the interests of self-preservation, change your cell phone number, and instruct your husband and kids not to disclose it to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I am the happily married mother of 1-year-old and 2-year-old boys; "Jonathan" is the older and "Kevin" is my baby. Because my elderly parents live close by, we make sure they see our children often. Also, I make time every morning to talk to my mother.

It has become clear to my husband and me that Mom favors Jonathan. When Kevin was an infant, Mom would literally step over him to get to Jonathan. Until it caused a rift, she would "jokingly" refer to Kevin as "the other one."

Recently, Kevin had a violent allergic reaction to some medication. Mom's first concern was how Jonathan reacted to his little brother's being ill.

When I share a milestone with my mother, she is quick to compare Kevin unfavorably with his brother. I could list many other examples.

I am saddened, disgusted and furious. I have confronted Mother more times than I can count. Most times she denies it; sometimes she says she feels Jonathan is just "special." The boys are still too young to understand, but it won't always be that way. My husband's family is not involved much in our lives, so mine is extra-important. How do I deal with this problem? -- DISTRESSED IN DAYTON

DEAR DISTRESSED: Since reasoning with your mother hasn't helped, it's time to lay down the law. Tell her either she becomes a better actress in dealing with the boys, or you'll be forced to limit her access to them. And if she doesn't shape up, act on it.

Small children can sense favoritism and discrimination, and it is hurtful. Rather than blame the adult, children often blame themselves for it. So draw the line now, before your little one's self-esteem is affected.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)