DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Fed Up in N.Y.," whose father-in-law scoots off in his motorized wheelchair to the local bar a mile away and returns home drunk, missed one point. The bar has a legal responsibility not to allow customers to leave drunk, and instead of serving drunk customers, to cut them off.

"Fed Up" should go to the bar with the police and inform the bartender and management that the next time they "overserve" "Papa Jake," she'll see to it that the New York state liquor license people get an earful, and if anything happens to Papa Jake, or he causes injury to anyone in his drunken condition on the way home, the bar will share in that responsibility.

I'll bet a gin and tonic after that the bar will cut Papa Jake off long before he gets drunk. -- DAVID J. IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DAVID J: That may be true in California, but I'm not sure it's so in every state. Your suggestion is an intelligent one, and it's certainly worth making an inquiry to the beverage control board in that woman's state.

DEAR ABBY: Why didn't you suggest counseling for that poor man? Obviously, Papa Jake is widowed and has too much idle time on his hands. After he has been given a thorough physical and mental evaluation, he needs to be introduced to AA, as well as activities that could spark his creative talents. -- JESSICA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR JESSICA: I'm sure that at the time of his stroke and afterward, Papa Jake received physical and neurological evaluations. However, if he's willing to admit he has an alcohol problem, AA could be helpful. (And so could Al-Anon for "Fed Up" and her husband.) They might also consider contacting the American Stroke Association, which maintains a listing of telephone support groups for stroke survivors, their families, friends and interested professionals. The toll-free number is 888-4STROKE.

DEAR ABBY: As a follow-up to the letter from "Fed Up in N.Y.," whose father-in-law was using his motorized scooter to travel to a bar, I suggest that she or her husband disconnect the battery to his scooter. I hope this is helpful. -- PHILIP C., HOUSTON

DEAR PHILIP: It might prove helpful, but only as a last resort.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice. My mother-in-law expects a phone call or card from her son and me on her wedding anniversary. Her husband died two years ago. I haven't called her or sent a card on that day since his death.

She frequently comments on who remembered to call her. Should I be sending her happy anniversary cards? -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Consider how you would like to be treated on such a bittersweet occasion. Surely you would not want to be ignored. Because you feel uncomfortable sending her a "happy" anniversary card, create one that says you are thinking of her and the many happy years she shared with her husband. But don't treat her special day as if it never happened.

DEAR ABBY: I received a full set of utility knives for Christmas and would like to know the proper way to dispose of the old knives. Thank you. -- BEVERLY IN NEW PORT RICHEY, FLA.

DEAR BEVERLY: Make cardboard sheaths for the knives so they will retain their sharpness and not hurt anyone, and donate them to any charity that will take them. Or, offer them to a neighbor at a penny apiece. (In some cultures, it is bad luck to give a knife to someone without financial consideration.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because your column is like a huge community billboard, I thought I'd ask you to get this message out. Please remind women that when they schedule themselves for a mammogram, they should schedule their husbands for a prostate exam and PSA test.

There's an abundance of advertising about breast exams, yearly checkups and women's health centers, but little is seen about the same thing for men. Prostate cancer is a serious problem if it's not detected before the symptoms show up; by then it's already spreading outside the prostate. You know that men put off medical visits more often than women, so if you could get women involved in our health we might be around a lot longer.

As a prostate cancer survivor, I know from personal experience that early-stage prostate cancer has no symptoms and, having been cancer-free for the past six years, I am living proof that early prostate cancer can be cured. -- ALIVE AND KICKIN' IN KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR ALIVE AND KICKIN': You have written an important letter. Many men, and women too, will appreciate your timely reminder. My mother was once asked what she thought was the most important ingredient for a lasting marriage. Her response: "A husband who lasts." Ladies, if you want your husband to last, improve the odds by making an appointment with his doctor every year.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old young man who is writing you from a jail cell. None of my crimes were violent. They mainly consisted of theft and drugs. I've had a bad drug problem ever since my best friend overdosed in my hotel room. I did drugs before then, but not as much as afterward.

One thing led to another, and soon I found myself behind the wheel of other people's cars and using other people's credit cards.

I have been locked up for three months now, and looking back, I can't believe the life I was living. Is there still a chance I can turn my life into a success when I'm released? And what do you recommend I do to stay sober and lead a happy life? -- TOUGH LUCK IN CHATTANOOGA

DEAR TOUGH LUCK: You can still achieve success, but it will be harder. The first thing you must do is recognize that your situation had less to do with tough luck than a series of poor choices. Now that you are sober and thinking straight, it's time to start planning a different life when you are released.

Some positive steps to take: Join a 12-step support group; people with problems who have emotional support accomplish more than they can on their own. Understand that you will have to forgo relationships with people who use drugs and steal. Complete your education.

It won't be easy, but if you do all of the above, you'll no longer be the same person you are today, and you will lead a happier life with fewer problems.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "CAN'T DECIDE IN MISSOURI": Many colleges and universities offer career counseling and aptitude testing to help people choose a career. Of this I am certain: If you choose a job that you love, you'll never have to "work" a day in your life.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Believe it or not, I'm still getting mail regarding the letters I printed about hospital gowns. Some of them gave me a chuckle, and I thought I'd share them with you. So pour yourselves a cup of coffee or tea, sit back, and as they say, "Bottoms up!"

DEAR ABBY: Your column about hospital gowns reminded me of an item that appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Green Sheet years ago.

"Did you know that hospital gowns come in three sizes?

"Short, shorter, and don't bend over!"

-- A. BEYERSDORF, MILWAUKEE

DEAR A.: No, but that sounds like good advice to me.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters about hospital gowns, I wondered if your readers know that the first hospital gown was designed by a man named Seymour Heiny. -- R. McA., JOHNSTOWN, PA.

DEAR R.: A true visionary.

DEAR ABBY: I am a nurse who works in intensive care. We have a saying where I work: "That's why they call it an I.C.U." -- KEN THE RN

DEAR KEN: And I'll bet you've seen more than your share.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I was in the hospital going through a miscarriage, wearing a hospital gown. My roommate was a large woman who complained to the nurse that hers barely covered her. I told them we were wearing designer gowns. My roommate responded that it couldn't be true -- hers looked like a regular gown to her. I told her ours were made by "Jordass."

Once she stopping laughing, the nurse said she thought I'd emotionally and physically survive the miscarriage if I could make a joke at a time like that. Two years later, I became pregnant with my son, who's a high school senior this year. Even if you can't print this, I thought you would get a laugh from it. -- YOU CAN LAUGH OR YOU CAN CRY

DEAR YOU: I did -- and I want you to know I admire your strength in the face of adversity.

DEAR ABBY: Feel free to use all or part of this story from my latest book, "The Dog Ate My 'Things to Do' List -- What a Good Dog!" A brief history of the hospital gown:

"There is the straitjacket, the bullet-proof vest, the lead apron that wards off stray X-rays, and then there is the 'just put it on backward hospital gown.' Some say that Betty Barebottom invented this product. Betty, according to this account, wished to teach men two things. One: It isn't easy to wear a skirt and not expose your anatomy to a gawking world. Two: Men should understand how difficult it is to fasten things behind your back.

"Others claim that the designer of this impossible gown is a man named Seymour Butts. ... Although he considers the hospital gown the culmination of his life's work, Seymour currently works as a fashion designer. His line of unusual designs bears the label 'Butt First.'" -- DEAN CHAPMAN, CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR DEAN: Whether Seymour's clothing line is famous or infamous is debatable, although no one can deny its popularity. The low-slung hip-hugger is "hot" from coast-to-coast regardless of the weather or the sex of the wearer. But that's another column.

P.S. Anyone interested in purchasing books by Mr. Chapman can get ordering information by contacting him: deanchap@aol.com.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)