DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Monique," has put me into financial ruin. It's all because of this girl she has been hanging around with, "Tracy." Monique's friends have warned her to stay away from Tracy because she's bad news.

Abby, the two of them have been kiting money. Monique has also forged my name on my own checks, and sold my personal items -- things left to me by my grandparents. For years, people have urged me to press charges.

Monique and I have two children, 3 and 2. I spoke to a lawyer and I will have no problem getting full custody. Monique is on one year's probation and has to pay restitution because she stole from her employer. She is American; we live in Canada. With all the stuff that's happening, Monique may have to leave the country.

Monique's parents have told me I should press charges. She has abandoned our kids while I was at work. Children's Aid got involved, and I didn't know the kids had been taken from us until I got home from work. Luckily, we got them back.

Monique wasn't like this until she met Tracy. Should I press charges, or should I just say goodbye, take the kids and go my way? A mutual friend says Monique told her that if I do that, she will forget the kids, and find a new guy and have kids with him. -- STRESSED OUT IN CANADA

DEAR STRESSED OUT: I'm glad you wrote and I'm pleased to help end your ambivalence. Listen to your common sense as well as to what Monique's parents are urging you to do. Protect yourself and the kids. Press charges. Tracy is not responsible for your fiancee's behavior. Your fiancee appears to have no conscience. Jail time won't help her mend her ways, but it will slow her down and make it more difficult for her to take advantage of her next victim.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, we invited a couple for dinner this week. Two days before the party, I called to confirm the time and they said they'd be here.

On the evening of the dinner, they showed up two hours late without even a phone call. They said the husband had to work late. Neither of them offered an apology. We had tried twice to contact them before we finally decided to go ahead and eat. They seemed offended that we did.

Were we wrong to assume they weren't coming? If you haven't heard otherwise, how long should you wait for guests before eating without them? -- TIRED TO WAITING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: You were not wrong to assume that your guests were no-shows and to have eaten dinner. That they failed to call and inform you that they had been delayed was rude. Thirty minutes is long enough to wait for tardy guests -- or less if there's danger the meal will be overcooked.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful wife, "Doreen," turned 41 a couple of months ago. Since then she has had extra piercings in her ears and has taken to wearing thumb rings, toe rings and ankle bracelets. Yesterday she pierced her navel. I am embarrassed for her. We have a 13-year-old daughter who is also embarrassed for her. How do I tell Doreen she looks silly? -- NOT SO HIP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT SO HIP: Your wife's fetish brings new meaning to the term "heavy metal." It shouldn't be necessary to give her a lecture. Just walk in carrying a powerful magnet. That should send a message.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband took me out to an expensive restaurant. As we chatted over dinner, we realized that the couple next to us was eavesdropping on our conversation. They could hear everything we were saying. They kept turning their heads and looking straight at us. They even tried to peek when the check came.

My husband and I tried to ignore it, however, it put a damper on our nice evening. How should we tell nosy people to "butt out" of our dinner conversation? -- CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING IN DELAWARE

DEAR CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING: You and your husband missed an opportunity to have some fun. If you invent wild enough dialogue, the reaction can be funnier than a floor show. You could have raised your voices just a bit and begun discussing how you were going to spend the "drug money" -- or which girl you planned to send on the next "call." Short of asking to be seated at another table, there is no foolproof way to discourage nosy eavesdroppers.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to the one from the neighbors who complained about the noise their neighbor's children made playing basketball in the yard.

As a boy, many years ago, I probably annoyed our neighbors the same way. Now that boy has grown into a man, who has taken care of literally thousands of youngsters in my practice of behavioral pediatrics.

Experience tells me that if all youngsters would be outside playing basketball or any other activity of exertion, we would have far fewer academic and behavioral problems. Approximately 75 percent of my patients never go outside to play. Many of them are addicted to video games, and some to television. (Studies have shown that exercise reduces the need for psycho-stimulants, such as Ritalin and Adderall, as well as the dosage.)

The ramifications of this addiction are enormous. These children tend to be more agitated and anxious. Their blood pressure and pulse are often increased. Their imagination is dulled. They have a higher risk of obesity, early onset diabetes, and future cardiovascular disease. Their sleep patterns are upset (many stay up all night to play their video games after their parents are sleeping), and there is some evidence that they are at increased risk for seizures.

If the pounding of a basketball is annoying to some folks, they should step back and look at the big picture. That sound would be a symphony to my ears because I know that these youngsters are doing something that will benefit themselves and ultimately society. -- JOEL P. SUSSMAN, M.D., FAAP, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR DR. SUSSMAN: Thank you for an important letter. As some readers pointed out, the complainer should be thankful the neighbor children are involved in activities as healthy as athletics. (Better to shoot hoops than each other!) People who can't stand the sound of children playing should relocate to a development for seniors. Let us not forget that children are people, too, and they have a right to play on their own property, providing they're not disturbing someone late at night.

CONFIDENTIAL TO JANIS IN SUN CITY: "Americans will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic or a dope fiend, but if a man doesn't drive, they think there must be something wrong with him." -- ART BUCHWALD

DEAR ABBY: I am a female member of the military, stationed for the past nine months in Iraq. I recently received a letter from a friend who is having problems in her marriage. She has asked to move in with me when I return to the states in about three months. She says it's only until she gets back on her feet.

There's no way I can let that happen. She has too much drama in her life, and I have grown accustomed to living by myself. When I get home, all I want is peace and quiet. How can I tell her that I don't want a roommate without hurting her feelings? -- PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST

DEAR PEACE: Be direct, and don't go into detail. Tell her that your tour of duty has been stressful -- it's the truth -- and that when you return home you plan to live alone. Do not talk about the drama in her life. Talk about the drama that's been going on in your life. You have a right to peace of mind, and your friend should not expect you to straighten her life out for her. After a tour in Iraq, you've done enough.

DEAR ABBY: I was seeing someone in the apartment complex where I live. It was the maintenance man, "Stan." At first, we kept it quiet because of problems I have with my ex, "Mac." Mac and I have children together and he always finds ways to destroy my new dates -- so the less he knows, the better.

But I was falling in love with Stan, so one night we decided to go out in public. Mac found out and had a friend of his tell me Stan could lose his job.

Since I can't afford to move and didn't want Stan to lose his job, I started avoiding him. It's been six weeks, and I feel I have lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Please tell me what to do. -- GRIEVING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GRIEVING: The first thing to do is pick up the phone and contact the office of the building. Without being specific, inquire if there is any formal policy regarding residents fraternizing with staff.

If there is a rule that forbids it, rather than avoiding Stan, I advise you to have a serious chat with him. If you both want to pursue a relationship and moving isn't an option, perhaps he should find a job with another building. Good maintenance men are hard to find.

DEAR ABBY: I met someone almost a year ago. "Donald" and I dated for several months, but it ended badly. A few months ago, we started communicating again -- and I thought everything was going well. Then, all of a sudden out of the blue, he stopped calling.

We were intimate each time I saw him. Now I am pregnant.

Abby, I'm 44 and have never had a child. Donald is 50 and has never been married or fathered a child either. I have left him several messages since I learned I was pregnant and have asked why he hasn't returned my calls. He has not contacted me.

I feel absolutely abandoned, hurt and betrayed. Donald is a wealthy playboy, and sometimes extremely selfish. I want this child, but need some sort of acknowledgement from him. What should I do? -- SHOCKED, DISTRAUGHT AND PREGNANT IN OHIO

DEAR PREGNANT: Pick up the phone and make one more call -- to an attorney. It will be a good investment. You may feel hurt, abandoned and betrayed, but I see child support in your future. It's time for the daddy-to-be to step up to the plate.

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