DEAR ABBY: My 56-year-old mother passed away suddenly six months ago. It happened two days before my daughter's fifth birthday. I didn't know what to do when Mom died -- cancel or let my daughter have the party Mom and I had planned. Well, I opted to go on with the celebration.

My dad just couldn't face it. He left the house. I know in my heart that Mom would not have wanted us to cancel her granddaughter's party. I loved my mom dearly and would never have done anything disrespectful to her memory. I miss her very much. She was my best friend, and it's hard going through life without her.

Did I do the right thing? -- MISSING MY MOM IN MAINE

DEAR MISSING: You did the right thing in going ahead with the party. I see no reason why a child of 5 should be forced to associate her special day with death and mourning if it's avoidable.

DEAR ABBY: I am a concerned parent. My children attend a school that has a very tight budget. The school system here cannot afford to hire teacher's aides, so I help out as much as I can.

Abby, it's crucial for parents to volunteer as much of their time as they can to help teachers. Even one hour a month would be helpful.

I know several mothers who trade baby-sitting so they have free time to go to the gym or shop, but they never give a thought to volunteering at the school. I swap baby-sitting duties with a friend so I can do those things, too, but we also make the time to help our children's teachers.

Our children and their education should be our No. 1 priority. Would you please help me encourage parents everywhere to volunteer their time at schools? Thank you. -- VOLUNTEER MOM IN PRINCETON, MINN.

DEAR MOM: Many schools are in crisis because of budget constraints and could use a helping hand from parents. Volunteering in schools not only allows the teachers to dedicate more time to teaching, but it also sets a good example for the children. Children of parents who are concerned about, and immediately involved in, their education earn better grades. Everyone benefits.

I know from personal experience how rewarding volunteering can be. Every time I have volunteered, I got more than I gave.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have four children together. We have been divorced for two years, but we have never stopped seeing each other. I have tried dating, and I'm sure he has too, but we always find our way back to each other.

We were married for 12 years, and the divorce was very painful. Abby, is it possible for two people who fear being hurt or disappointed again to make it the second time -- since we can't seem to stay away from each other? -- DIVORCED BUT STILL IN LOVE

DEAR DIVORCED: Some couples have made a go of it the second time around, but in order for it to work, you and your husband must be willing to confront the issues that destroyed your marriage on the first go-round, and resolve them before tying the knot again. This can be accomplished with marriage counseling. I wish you well.

DEAR READERS: This is just a gentle reminder that messages of support to our troops stationed around the world are their No. 1 morale booster. Show your support by visiting www.OperationDearAbby.net and telling them you appreciate their dedication. Bless you one and all.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 36 and "Vito," my significant other, is 44. I recently learned that he has been posing as a woman on an Internet swingers' site. He sends people naked photos of a girl -- and once I found a picture of a naked man. (Not him.) One of his objectives is to recruit couples for a threesome, and I believe he is also doing cybersex.

When I confronted Vito, he said it was just a joke. But it isn't the first time he has done this, and it is very hurtful.

Abby, Vito is sneaky, passive-aggressive and an alcoholic. I have always believed if you had to hide something from your partner or spouse, it was cheating. Is cybersex cheating? -- BLONDIE IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR BLONDIE: Yes, cybersex is cheating. When someone hides something from a spouse or partner, it's usually with the knowledge that the spouse or partner would disapprove.

Now, I have a question for you: Why are you wasting your time with someone who sneaks around looking for other sex partners? Romances like yours don't have happy endings. Be smart. Get checked for STDs and call it quits with Vito.

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother, who is 53, recently lost his job. His wife has never worked. They have spent their life traveling, driving expensive cars and entertaining lavishly. They never saved a nickel.

I, on the other hand, have always lived frugally. My wife and I put our kids through college, we live in a modest home, drive older cars and have never vacationed outside the United States. We have saved diligently and plan early retirement in a year or two.

My mother and sister think we should help my brother and his wife out by lending them money that we know will never be repaid. My brother has put me down for my thrifty ways, saying I could die tomorrow, then what good would all that money be?

Well, tomorrow is here. My wife and I are prepared for whatever life may deal us in the future. Mom and Sis are angry that we refuse to give money to my brother and his wife. They made their bed -- now they can lie in it.

Abby, please tell me if I'm right. -- ABLE BUT UNWILLING IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABLE: Your philosophy of financial planning has paid off, while your brother is now paying dearly for failing to provide for his future. Far be it from me to raise Cain with you about your decision, but if you felt comfortable, you wouldn't be asking me to endorse it.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a man named James. We have become friends over the past few weeks, and it's obvious there is an attraction between us. I would never want to break up a marriage, and I don't want to change our relationship. Is simply flirting with a married man -- who flirts back -- OK if neither of you has any intentions? -- LIKES THE ATTENTION IN NORTON, MASS.

DEAR LIKES THE ATTENTION: You say the two of you are "obviously" attracted to each other. That's how office romances begin. You are playing with fire. Listen to your gut (and nothing below) and you won't be sorry.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be trick-or-treating this weekend, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Can't Stand It in N.J.," whose boyfriend wets the bed every night. There are many misconceptions about incontinence. Chances are he refuses to see a physician because he is embarrassed or may not understand the treatment options and resources available to him. Abby, he is not alone in this. An estimated 25 million Americans are plagued by incontinence problems.

Incontinence, if left undiagnosed and untreated, can be debilitating. It may cause the loss of independence, self-respect and healthy sexuality. But, despite these potential consequences, the majority of people with incontinence -- 66 percent -- have never discussed the subject of urinary health with a doctor or nurse.

It's time to help people address this "taboo" subject. The National Association for Continence (NAFC), is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to educate the public about the causes and cures for incontinence. We offer a free packet of information about incontinence, including a brochure titled "Seeking Treatment" to help prepare for a visit with a doctor to make a first visit as productive as possible.

Please encourage any of your readers with questions about incontinence to call our NAFC toll-free number (800) 252-3337. It is staffed by a full-time health educator to answer questions for callers. We also have a Web site, www.nafc.org, filled with information about incontinence, treatment and management options.

I strongly encourage "Can't Stand It" to contact NAFC for information and present it to her boyfriend so he can be educated and encouraged to seek help. Incontinence can be managed or treated -- and it will allow both of them to improve their quality of life together. -- NANCY MULLER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NAFC

DEAR NANCY: Since printing that letter, I have received letters from readers informing me that incontinence can be caused by a variety of ailments -- which include allergies, spinal cord problems, a sleep disorder and kidney disease, to name a few. Most of these problems can be dealt with if a person is willing to discuss them with a medical professional.

"Can't Stand It" indicated that her boyfriend steadfastly refused to see a doctor about his problem, and she had reached the end of her rope in waking up every morning in a wet bed, so I told her it was time to say goodbye. If this was something he couldn't help, I wouldn't have been so quick to say it. However, it's hard to find sympathy for a person who is not willing to help himself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old boy with one request: a girlfriend. I have tried, on five separate occasions, to explain to my mother that I'm not her little boy anymore, but I'm bad with words and my message did not get through. She's afraid I'm going to have sex and get in trouble with the cops, but I'm not that kind of person.

I know what to do and what not to do, but my mom won't listen. All I want is a little affection from someone other than my relatives. Is that so wrong? -- NEEDS HELP IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEEDS HELP: No, it's not wrong; it's normal. Your mother might wish to keep you "safely out of trouble," but she's going about it in the wrong way. You would be better served if your mother made certain that you know what you need to assure that you make smart and healthy choices, because in a very short time you will no longer be asking her permission. No one can hold back the hands of time, and you're maturing right on schedule.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)