DEAR ABBY: I read with concern the letter from "Sleeping Beauty's Mother-in-Law," whose son locks his 5-year-old daughter in her bedroom when he leaves for work so his wife can continue sleeping.

When I was a child, it was my job to lock my younger brother in his bedroom after he had eaten breakfast and before I left for school. I did it because my mother also wanted to continue to sleep.

Unbeknownst to me or my mother, my brother had found a cigarette lighter. He had it in his room one morning when I locked him in. To make a long story short, he started a fire in his room that resulted in his death. I have lived with the guilt of this tragedy for nearly 20 years, despite years of therapy.

The grandmother who wrote that letter has good reason to be concerned for the well-being of her grandchild. Please remind your readers that children are not a convenience. They require the supervision of responsible people who will care for them unselfishly. -- FLORIDA FAMILY THERAPIST

DEAR FLORIDA THERAPIST: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your little brother's death. It was not your fault. The responsibility was your mother's. You were only a child yourself, and obeying her orders.

If it's forgiveness you are looking for, I forgive you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from that grandmother gave me chills. My daughter-in-law gave birth to two children, but had only one when she met my son. The other had been locked in his room while she slept. Somehow he got tangled in the cords on the blinds while he was playing and strangled. When she awoke, she found her son dead.

My daughter-in-law lives every day with the knowledge that her son died as a result of her negligence.

No child -- or adult, for that matter -- should be locked in a room. Without supervision, children often do things they're not allowed to do -- such as jump on the beds and perhaps bounce to the floor, hitting the corner of a piece of furniture on the way and getting injured. Just knowing you are locked in and unable to get out (trapped) can also be psychologically damaging. -- A READER IN ALASKA

DEAR READER: It goes without saying that a caregiver should be awake and capable of supervising the child. Anything less is child abuse.

Whether "Sleeping Beauty," the mother in the original letter, suffers from mental illness, depression or substance abuse, an intervention is called for. Because the parents seem oblivious to the danger, I advised the writer to notify Child Protective Services. While some readers felt this was drastic, it is better to take action and ensure the child's safety than to do nothing and regret it forever.

DEAR ABBY: If a woman proposes to a man, who should buy the ring? -- DEB IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR DEB: Call me old-fashioned, but if the man is a gentleman he should buy the ring. And if he refuses, the woman should enter into that marriage with her eyes wide open and no illusions about what her future will be.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ned," and I have been having the same argument for years. I care for our kids and handle all the housework. The only chore I refuse to do is mow the lawn.

Every spring, I buy flowers, plants, trees and herbs to plant around our large yard. I plant them, mark where they are, do the watering and weeding, and show Ned where I've planted them. Without fail, in the middle of summer when my plants are flourishing, my husband will mow them over.

The first few times it happened, he said, "Oops! I didn't see them." Later, he admitted he didn't feel he should have to bother remembering where I planted and go around them. I think he acts this way because he wants me to take over the mowing.

It hurts me that Ned would deliberately destroy something I care about. I feel like he's trying to destroy part of my personality, and it makes me really depressed.

If you're wondering why I refuse to mow, it's because I do EVERYTHING else. My list of chores is already endless. I also think it's particularly mean of Ned to wait until my plants are established and growing beautifully before he mows them. What do you think? -- READY TO TRANSPLANT, ST. JOSEPH, MO.

DEAR READY: It appears you are married to a horticultural grim reaper. Since you have enough to do without adding mowing to your list of chores, a practical alternative might be to hire a neighborhood teenager to do the mowing next summer. If that's not feasible, consider placing a decorative medium-sized rock border around your planted areas so your husband can't mow them down. (Hoe-hoe-hoe!)

DEAR ABBY: I am a receptionist in a law firm. There are times when I am very busy, but there are long stretches when there is nothing to do.

Is it proper for me to read during the downtime? I feel awkward when my boss sees me reading. -- BORED ON THE JOB

DEAR BORED: Ask your boss if there are other tasks he or she would like you to do at your desk during the slow periods, or if there is any objection to your reading. If there is no objection, sign up for night classes and use the downtime to study. In no time at all, you could upgrade your skills and possibly your salary.

DEAR ABBY: Is it just me, or has the world gone "tip crazy"? I find tip baskets on the counter at the local coffee house, the yogurt shop, the juice shop -- even near the cash register in the cafeteria in my office building.

It seems that even though these people are paid to perform these particular services, they think they should be tipped on top of it. Where will it end? Should I expect tip canisters at the doctor's office, my car mechanic's or the post office? I can't afford to tip everyone I come in contact with. What is proper tip protocol now? -- ALL TIPPED OUT

DEAR ALL TIPPED OUT: Tipping is discretionary; it is not required. Employees doing counter work are paid minimum wage and need the money. If the service is cheerful, prompt and efficient, put some change in the tip jar. If you can't afford to tip and doing so would cause you hardship, don't do it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently at a youth sporting event. Later that evening, one of the coaches and several of the parents were sitting around the hotel pool talking. Some joking sexual comments were made. The coach told one of the other fathers that he had a picture of himself as a youth. He pulled it out of his wallet, and it was passed around the group. It was a picture of a 7- to 10-year-old boy, completely naked, that had been "altered" to exaggerate the size of the boy's you-know-what.

Not a single parent voiced any objection to this picture. The coach later handed the picture to me (after one of the other parents laughingly told him he should show it to me). When I expressed disgust ("I really don't appreciate you showing this picture ..."), the coach made me out to be the bad guy.

Do you think this picture is appropriate for a coach of adolescent boys to carry in his wallet and show to others? It struck me as child porn. -- AMAZED AND DISGUSTED DAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR AMAZED AND DISGUSTED: The incident should be reported to the league authorities. For the coach to have shown the picture was a juvenile display of bad taste and poor judgment. For that reason I am not sure he is responsible enough to be supervising young boys.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Edgar" for four years. At first, he'd see me twice a week, but only for sex. He stood me up a lot and was secretive about his life. I grew tired of it and started seeing other men. When Edgar found out, we had a big fight and broke up.

A week later, Edgar was back, begging to start over. He promised to change and even moved in with me for three months. Then he reverted back to his old ways. I was helping him to pay his bills because I earned more than he did. When I lost my job and could no longer help him, he pulled away from me.

I now have another well-paying job. Edgar is back once or twice a week, but on weekends he's gone again. He claims his 16-year-old son is visiting and his ex doesn't want me around. Yet he accuses me of cheating, which is not true. I let Edgar know where I am at all times. I just want to be happy and have a real relationship. Please tell me what to do. -- IN LOVE AND ALONE

DEAR IN LOVE AND ALONE: A man who had sincere feelings for you would not have disappeared the minute you were out of a job. It appears that Edgar will stay only if you pay. There's a word for it, and the word isn't "love." If you want a real relationship, you will lose this loser. It shouldn't be difficult. Tell Edgar you've been laid off, and I guarantee he'll vanish.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please tell me what "cemetery etiquette" is? -- PEARL IN MANTECA, CALIF.

DEAR PEARL: It is behaving with respect for the people who are buried there, and being sensitive to the feelings of visitors who might be mourning. It includes: speaking quietly, dressing conservatively, and refraining from littering, stepping on the graves or blocking cars in the funeral procession on their way to the grave site (or cutting in front of them). It also means the car stereo isn't blasting so loudly it will distract other visitors or wake the dead.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)