DEAR ABBY: Owen and I have been married for 30 years. My mother has lived with us for 27 of them. We moved in with Mom to help her with expenses after Dad passed away. Five years later, we bought our own house and invited her to come with us. She has always been helpful. Other than a lack of privacy, the arrangement has worked out well. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always thought she would remarry.

Owen lost his job of 28 years a year ago, and I recently was laid off from the place I had worked for 15 years. I recently took a part-time job to pay for groceries.

My two sisters and brothers have done nothing to help in the support of our mother. I feel that Owen and I have been cheated out of a normal marriage. Our children are grown now, so when is it OUR time? Mom is in her mid-70s. I would never tell her how I feel because it would hurt her terribly. When she finally passes away, I don't think I'll ever speak to my siblings again because the older I get the angrier I become. The only reason I see them now is because Mom wouldn't understand my disgust with them. What should I do? -- BITTER UP NORTH

DEAR BITTER: Your mother has been living with you for so long that your siblings probably have no idea that you feel the frustration you have described. They may need to be reminded that your financial situation has changed and that you need their monetary help, or just a break from your mother and some private time with your spouse.

You are a devoted daughter, but please do not continue to suffer in silence. I'm not suggesting that you talk about this to your mother, but a conversation with your siblings is long overdue.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do. My friend and I were told by someone that stealing is just borrowing without asking and it's OK. So we "borrowed" candy from a vendor and ate it.

We now know this is wrong. What should we do -- apologize? We don't want to get caught. -- MISLED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISLED: For the record, "borrowing" is taking something with the lender's permission and then returning it. In your case, you and your friend ate the vendor's candy and the person suffered a loss. That's stealing.

You owe the vendor an apology and payment for the candy you stole. Ideally, it should be done in person. However, if you are afraid or ashamed to face the vendor, write him or her an anonymous note of apology and include payment for what you took.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I used to have a problem with kids sitting on the stone wall in front of our house and smoking cigarettes. Nothing would dissuade them, and our lawn was continually littered with butts.

Finally, I found a motion-sensor water sprinkler, and whenever the smokers came into the yard the sprinkler would activate. That solved our problem without confrontation.

Thanks for your steady good sense every day. -- TOM IN NUTTING LAKE, MASS.

DEAR TOM: Your solution is intriguing because it has probably discouraged more than smokers. I'll bet those sudden bursts of water also keep your yard free from deposits left by pets running loose in the neighborhood.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Cameron. Cameron is a very judgmental person. My mom watches her every summer.

Mom doesn't like the fact that Cameron is always saying how dumb and stupid people look as she sees them pass by. Mom is going to talk to her and tell her to straighten up, or she can't come over next summer. If that happens, I know Cameron will ask me why she can't. What do I tell her? If I tell her the truth, I'm afraid she'll be mad at me and not want to be my friend anymore. I don't want to lose my friendship with her because she makes me laugh. -- WORRIED IN DENVER

DEAR WORRIED: When your mother talks to your friend about her behavior, she'll be doing the girl a favor. If Cameron feels the need to ask you why she's no longer welcome, you should tell her the truth. Her behavior is obnoxious. People who act that way usually do it because they think it makes them look superior. In actuality, it's a tip-off that the person is insecure.

DEAR ABBY: After my separation and divorce, I had a relationship with a man I'll call "Austen." He was in financial trouble and asked me to take out a loan of $15,000 for him, since I have good credit. He claimed that if he could get himself "straightened out," we could have a brighter future.

After two years of emotional abuse, I finally ended the relationship with Austen. It has been several months, and he is consistently late making the monthly payments. Last month, he told me that since I won't resume the relationship, I can go to hell and said not to call him again.

I am now stuck with the burden of paying off the loan. Any ideas how to persuade Austen to fulfill his responsibility? -- FEELS LIKE A SUCKER, WILKES-BARRE, PA.

DEAR FEELS: Unless his name is on the loan document, the financial responsibility is all yours. Consider what happened to be very expensive tuition in the school of experience. I'll bet you don't make that mistake again.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old mother of two. I have been in a relationship with a married 41-year-old man for four years.

About a year and a half ago, he filed for divorce and had her served with the papers. She signed them, but she signed in the wrong spot. He went back to his lawyer's office and got new papers for her to sign, but for some reason he has not pursued it.

The lawyer's office finally sent a letter saying that they're going to dismiss the case if he doesn't come back and file to have her served by the constable. I told him I would give him the $350, but he hasn't taken me up on my offer. What do you think I should do? -- SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED

DEAR S AND T: For openers, forget about marrying him. He's still married. The problem isn't that the man has a lack of money; what he lacks is motivation.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old, happily married woman. "Nolan" and I were married in 2002 and only recently informed my parents. Two years ago, I just wanted to be married to Nolan. I knew my family would not approve, so we eloped. Nolan's family knew about our elopement and are happy for us.

We planned to have a large family wedding "later." I have been planning my perfect wedding since I was 5.

Now my grandmother says that having a reception would be a good idea, but a "wedding" with a dress and attendants would be in very bad taste. I disagree -- but am I being selfish? I love my family, but I am going to have only one ceremony in my life.

I was thinking we could have it in the church and I could have bridesmaids and everything. I won't wear white -- my gown would be ivory. What do you think? -- MARRIED "BRIDE-TO-BE"

DEAR MARRIED: Your grandmother is a wise lady, and you should listen to her because she's right. A reception to celebrate your marriage would be far more tasteful than staging the wedding you skipped when you eloped. However, if and when you and Nolan decide to renew your vows -- perhaps on your fifth anniversary -- the ceremony you have in mind would be more appropriate at that time.

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful, loving niece, "Marissa," who just turned 30. She desperately wants to be married and have children.

Marissa has been dating a man for two years. Last week, he told her that she's the one he wants to marry and have children with, but he's not ready to do it yet.

We have tried to talk to Marissa and encourage her to go out with friends and enjoy life, but she can't seem to do it. Every time she hears that someone has gotten engaged or become pregnant, she gets depressed. Have you any words of wisdom for Marissa? We have exhausted our supply. Please print this. When I see your answer, I'll run it right over to her apartment. -- CARING AUNT IN OHIO

DEAR AUNT: If Marissa won't listen to you and those who love her, she's not going to be receptive to "wisdom" from me. She does, however, need some answers before she devotes any more time to her boyfriend.

After two years, why isn't he ready for marriage? Is he not ready emotionally? Financially? Does he still have wild oats to sow?

Her biological clock is ticking. If he really plans to have a family with her, a talk with her ob-gyn might speed him to the altar. If it doesn't, she should move on.

DEAR ABBY: Recently the adult children of some casual acquaintances sent us a letter informing us that their parents would be celebrating an anniversary soon. In it, they requested we send money so they could give their parents a two-week vacation.

The children explained that they couldn't afford to pay for the trip, but wanted to do something special for their parents. They intend to put the names of all the donors on a card with the tickets and mail it to their parents as a "surprise." I think we should ignore it. What do you think our response should be? -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Do with it what you do with other unsolicited requests for donations.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)