DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding your reply to "Needs More," whose sexual appetite is bigger than her fiance's. You advised her not to marry him because of it. I disagree.

I have been married to a wonderful man for three years. Had I let our differing drives stop me from marrying him, I would have missed out on a loving, mature, attentive husband and father to our children. I actually think I have it better than many women out there whose husbands demand sex daily.

There is more to a relationship than sex. My husband shows me love and affection in hundreds of other ways. Perhaps "Needs More" should take a closer look at their relationship. If sex is the only thing lacking, other ways of physically expressing love -- like hugging, holding hands and kissing -- could be substituted. If she nurtures her relationship in all the other ways, she may find, as I have, that his desire grows in time. Libido fades with age; love does not. -- SATISFIED IN ALL WAYS IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR SATISFIED: You and your husband have been able to negotiate past your differences and make your marriage a fulfilling one. That is not the case with many of the wives and husbands who write to me. Sometimes I wish I could run a dating service for all of the mismatched couples who feel sad, frustrated, isolated and unattractive to the person they love. The reasons for a low sex drive can vary. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My second wife found herself with a far stronger libido than I could match. This, of course, left me with a lot of disappointment. She, a nurse, said, "Off to the doctor with you!" The doctor said, "Let's do some lab work." Sure enough, there was a little brain chemistry issue I needed to deal with. I am now on medication, which solved our problem. -- HAPPIER NOW IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR HAPPIER NOW: I'm pleased that your problem was resolved. Thank you for pointing out that a low sex drive may be an indication of a medical problem.

DEAR ABBY: That letter from "Needs More" could have been written by me 20 years ago. I married my best friend, who also had very little interest in sex. During our six-year marriage we argued frequently and I felt more and more undesirable. When I finally found the strength to leave the marriage, it broke both our hearts.

Two years later, my ex realized that he was gay. It made so much sense in retrospect. I agree with the advice you gave "Needs More." She should keep her fiance as a friend, but she should not marry him. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for sharing your experience. The mail I have received from readers has been divided on this issue. About one-third came from women, like yourself, whose husbands turned out to be gay. Another third said the problem had been caused by a hormonal or chemical imbalance or depression, which had been successfully treated. The rest felt I should reconsider my advice:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have learned that with open communication, compromise and respect, we can work through this difference. Intimacy, although important, is only one part of marriage. Because people are different does not mean they should not marry. Marriage is the union of two individuals, not two identical people. Please reconsider your advice to "Needs More." -- FEELING FRISKY IN FRISCO, TEXAS

DEAR FEELING FRISKY: Although I admire your level of maturity, I think I'll stand pat with my answer.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and a ward of the court. I have a horrible social worker who never looks at any of the positive things I do. I have good grades and barely ever do anything wrong. Recently I have been doing things that they call "acting out." I am not acting out!

At our last court appearance, her report stated that I'm a juvenile delinquent who is in need of serious help. I am consistently told by the people at the group home where I live that I am none of those things.

How do I tell my social worker that she needs to see the positive things I am doing and not just look at the negative? Please help me. I am going nuts. I need to know if it is me or her. -- CONFUSED IN REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: It's possible that the problem isn't all yours or all hers, but a combination of both. The caseload social workers must manage these days is overwhelming, which means that, much as they might wish otherwise, they are often unable to give each client a lot of personal attention.

"Acting out" is misbehaving and expressing angry feelings in inappropriate ways. When a child is separated from home, school, family and friends, that's a good reason to be angry. However, if you and the people at your group home feel that the social worker is mistaken, then the administrator should write a letter to the court explaining that fact. I'm sure the judge would take it into consideration. (I know I would.)

P.S. If the social worker thinks you need "serious help" -- which I assume to mean psychological counseling -- go for it. Almost everyone can benefit from having a trained person listen to his or her concerns, pains and problems. It is considered to be a huge benefit, not a punishment.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule of etiquette concerning guest lists that include both friends and co-workers? Does one have to invite all co-workers to a private/personal function, or can a select handful of co-workers be invited? -- NEEDS ADVICE, LATHAM, N.Y.

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Much depends upon the size of your office, how many co-workers you plan to ask, and what percentage will be excluded. If you invite only a few co-workers, it's important that you not offend the rest. This can be accomplished by keeping the invitation private, separate from work, and confidential. However, if you plan to invite the majority and exclude only a few, there are bound to be hurt feelings and you could create unnecessary tensions, so I advise against it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the wife of an Army soldier who has been deployed to Honduras for six months. In a telephone call a couple of weeks ago, he confessed that he had cheated on me since he left. He said he has cut off all contact with this local woman, yet he continues to go to the bar where they met. He says I should trust him because he's told me about the infidelity, and I should trust that he won't do it again.

But, Abby, how can I trust him when he lied to me all this time? I know he is stressed being away from home, but the stresses of him not being home are equally hard on me and the children.

How do I get over this and start trusting my husband again? -- CONFUSED ARMY WIFE IN ALASKA

DEAR CONFUSED: If your husband didn't have a conscience, he wouldn't have confessed his indiscretion to you. However, your concerns are valid. Tell your husband that, as proof of his contrition, you want his promise that he will avoid not only that bar, but any other tempting situations that might present themselves while he's away. Once he returns, marriage counseling to heal the breach he has caused would be a giant step in the right direction. With professional help, the two of you can get past this.

DEAR ABBY: As your readers mature, some of them will be among the 9 million older Americans who have some signs of age-related macular degeneration (AMD). Nearly 2 million struggle to read because of it.

AMD is a painless disease. It sometimes develops so slowly that people notice little change in their vision. But AMD blurs the sharp, central vision needed for "straight-ahead" activities, like reading, sewing and driving.

There are two forms of AMD: wet and dry. Wet AMD is the more serious form. It's caused by new blood vessels that grow at the back of the eye and then bleed. Usually the first symptom is when straight lines begin to look wavy. If you have dry AMD, the most common symptom is a slight blurring. You might also have trouble recognizing faces, and you may need brighter light to read or perform other tasks.

The good news is, recent clinical trials show that a combination of high-dose vitamins and minerals can slow AMD and vision loss. Many advances in technology are also providing effective solutions to AMD and other age-related vision problems.

Please encourage readers who suspect they may have AMD or other vision problems, who are over the age of 60, or have diabetes, to consult an eye health-care professional as soon as possible. Thank you for helping to make vision a health priority. -- PAUL A. SIEVING, M.D., PH.D., DIRECTOR, NATIONAL EYE INSTITUTE

DEAR DR. SIEVING: I'm pleased to spread the word. The subject may not be "sexy," but it's important.

Readers, any change in vision should be immediately reported to your doctor. This includes blurring of vision, "flashing lights" or an increased number of "floaters." Before buying vitamin supplements to maintain your vision, ask your doctor which kind is most helpful.

The federal government's National Eye Institute provides a wealth of information to help people of all ages maintain healthy vision via its Web site: www.nei.nih.gov. A clever feature of this site allows users to increase the text size as needed. Check it out.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)