DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and a ward of the court. I have a horrible social worker who never looks at any of the positive things I do. I have good grades and barely ever do anything wrong. Recently I have been doing things that they call "acting out." I am not acting out!

At our last court appearance, her report stated that I'm a juvenile delinquent who is in need of serious help. I am consistently told by the people at the group home where I live that I am none of those things.

How do I tell my social worker that she needs to see the positive things I am doing and not just look at the negative? Please help me. I am going nuts. I need to know if it is me or her. -- CONFUSED IN REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: It's possible that the problem isn't all yours or all hers, but a combination of both. The caseload social workers must manage these days is overwhelming, which means that, much as they might wish otherwise, they are often unable to give each client a lot of personal attention.

"Acting out" is misbehaving and expressing angry feelings in inappropriate ways. When a child is separated from home, school, family and friends, that's a good reason to be angry. However, if you and the people at your group home feel that the social worker is mistaken, then the administrator should write a letter to the court explaining that fact. I'm sure the judge would take it into consideration. (I know I would.)

P.S. If the social worker thinks you need "serious help" -- which I assume to mean psychological counseling -- go for it. Almost everyone can benefit from having a trained person listen to his or her concerns, pains and problems. It is considered to be a huge benefit, not a punishment.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule of etiquette concerning guest lists that include both friends and co-workers? Does one have to invite all co-workers to a private/personal function, or can a select handful of co-workers be invited? -- NEEDS ADVICE, LATHAM, N.Y.

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Much depends upon the size of your office, how many co-workers you plan to ask, and what percentage will be excluded. If you invite only a few co-workers, it's important that you not offend the rest. This can be accomplished by keeping the invitation private, separate from work, and confidential. However, if you plan to invite the majority and exclude only a few, there are bound to be hurt feelings and you could create unnecessary tensions, so I advise against it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the wife of an Army soldier who has been deployed to Honduras for six months. In a telephone call a couple of weeks ago, he confessed that he had cheated on me since he left. He said he has cut off all contact with this local woman, yet he continues to go to the bar where they met. He says I should trust him because he's told me about the infidelity, and I should trust that he won't do it again.

But, Abby, how can I trust him when he lied to me all this time? I know he is stressed being away from home, but the stresses of him not being home are equally hard on me and the children.

How do I get over this and start trusting my husband again? -- CONFUSED ARMY WIFE IN ALASKA

DEAR CONFUSED: If your husband didn't have a conscience, he wouldn't have confessed his indiscretion to you. However, your concerns are valid. Tell your husband that, as proof of his contrition, you want his promise that he will avoid not only that bar, but any other tempting situations that might present themselves while he's away. Once he returns, marriage counseling to heal the breach he has caused would be a giant step in the right direction. With professional help, the two of you can get past this.

DEAR ABBY: As your readers mature, some of them will be among the 9 million older Americans who have some signs of age-related macular degeneration (AMD). Nearly 2 million struggle to read because of it.

AMD is a painless disease. It sometimes develops so slowly that people notice little change in their vision. But AMD blurs the sharp, central vision needed for "straight-ahead" activities, like reading, sewing and driving.

There are two forms of AMD: wet and dry. Wet AMD is the more serious form. It's caused by new blood vessels that grow at the back of the eye and then bleed. Usually the first symptom is when straight lines begin to look wavy. If you have dry AMD, the most common symptom is a slight blurring. You might also have trouble recognizing faces, and you may need brighter light to read or perform other tasks.

The good news is, recent clinical trials show that a combination of high-dose vitamins and minerals can slow AMD and vision loss. Many advances in technology are also providing effective solutions to AMD and other age-related vision problems.

Please encourage readers who suspect they may have AMD or other vision problems, who are over the age of 60, or have diabetes, to consult an eye health-care professional as soon as possible. Thank you for helping to make vision a health priority. -- PAUL A. SIEVING, M.D., PH.D., DIRECTOR, NATIONAL EYE INSTITUTE

DEAR DR. SIEVING: I'm pleased to spread the word. The subject may not be "sexy," but it's important.

Readers, any change in vision should be immediately reported to your doctor. This includes blurring of vision, "flashing lights" or an increased number of "floaters." Before buying vitamin supplements to maintain your vision, ask your doctor which kind is most helpful.

The federal government's National Eye Institute provides a wealth of information to help people of all ages maintain healthy vision via its Web site: www.nei.nih.gov. A clever feature of this site allows users to increase the text size as needed. Check it out.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my mid-20s with a B.A. degree and a full-time job. My parents refuse to accept that a self-supporting woman my age can be happy. They keep pestering me to find a boyfriend, get married and have children. I have calmly explained to my mother that I'm in no rush to settle down -- but she says if I "really loved her," I'd find a man to take care of me so she wouldn't have to worry.

My older brother followed my parents' wishes when he was my age. Now I am the "bad child" for refusing to conform.

Ever since I was a child, I have put money into a savings account and -- little by little -- it has become a large sum. I would like to use that money to further my education, but my parents have denied me access to it. They claim that when I marry, the funds will be my "dowry" to buy a house.

Abby, I don't want to cut off my family, but they aren't willing to accept me without a man to make me "complete." How can I get through to them that my goals in life are different from theirs? -- SINGLE AND HAPPY IN OHIO

DEAR S AND H: Your parents' thinking appears to be stuck in a time warp. A life partner can be wonderful, but it's no guarantee of happiness or security. Witness the number of marriages that fail and the number of households headed by single mothers who struggle to make ends meet.

You should contact the bank manager and find out how your account was set up and how you can access it now. Your parents should not hold your money hostage. If you wish to use it to further your education, you should be free to do so. (I assume that the salary you earn now is banked in your name only.)

You weren't put on the Earth to make your parents' dreams come true. As parents, it's their job to help you be the best that you can be. They should thank their lucky stars that you are self-supporting and motivated to do even better. Many parents would be proud to have a daughter like you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and my best friend is named "Amanda." One day I went over to another friend's house and Amanda got very mad at me for it. She decided to get me in trouble, so she told my mom that I smoked cigarettes, drank beer and did drugs. It was a lie.

It has been nearly two months since she did it. Now she is e-mailing me and calling me and inviting me over to her house. I don't trust her and I'm tired of being treated like this. What should I do? -- MAD AT AMANDA

DEAR MAD: You now know that Amanda is not above lying to get you in trouble, so keep her at a distance. It shouldn't be difficult -- you already have a two-month head start.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. I was recently introduced to my boss's mother, who will soon be working with me. I was given her first name by her son, and she also told me her name was "Angela." Should I use her first name, or as a sign of respect call her "Mrs. Jones"? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Since both she and her son gave you her first name, it's probably all right to address her as Angela. However, just to be sure, ask her what she would prefer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)