DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I have a 4-year-old daughter, "Carmelle." When I brought Carmelle home from the hospital, she slept in a crib in our bedroom and I'd bring her to bed with me for midnight breast feedings so I could sleep.

Since then, Carmelle has refused to sleep in her own bed. I placed a child bed next to ours in our bedroom, and each night I'd tuck her in. But she would cry, so Rick would let her climb into ours. For the past year, she has slept between us. The situation is now bordering on the ridiculous. I often wonder why I bothered to have my tubes tied.

Carmelle has a room of her own that I recently furnished, but she refuses to use it. I now sleep alone in our king-sized bed. That's because I told Rick I didn't want her wetting in my bed any longer. I thought a brand-new bedroom set with a twin-sized bed would encourage Carmelle to sleep in her room and Rick to sleep with me. Well, it backfired, and I continue to sleep alone, while my husband sleeps with our daughter in her bed. Have you any advice for me? -- ABANDONED IN PALM BAY, FLA.

DEAR ABANDONED: Take your daughter to her pediatrician for an examination to determine why she's still wetting the bed. There are medications and devices that can help her -- but first you must determine what's causing the problem.

Once that's done, it's time for you and your husband to have a heart-to-heart about why he's sleeping with his daughter instead of his wife. If necessary, have it in a marriage counselor's office. In some cultures, a "family bed" is a tradition (in our culture it is much less so), but even then, the husband and wife find time to be alone with each other. For the sake of your marriage, you must resolve this important issue, so don't put it off any longer.

P.S. Some sessions with a child psychologist might also be helpful. Your little girl isn't going to like it when her routine is disrupted, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Sheila" is going through a rough divorce. She called one night and told me she was going to kill herself. When I tried to calm her and talk her out of it, she hung up on me. I tried calling her back for about 10 minutes. Then, fearing she had injured herself, I called the police.

When they went to Sheila's home and couldn't find her, they called me, and I suggested some other places she might be. They managed to locate her and took her to the hospital. She was released, and now she's mad at me. Sheila says I overreacted -- she wasn't really going to do it -- and that it's my fault she got bruised from the encounter. (It was storming and muddy, and they fell in the mud.)

I asked her for forgiveness. She said she wants nothing more to do with me. I love Sheila like family. I did what I was always taught to do in a situation like that. Did I do something wrong? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN INDIANA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: No, you did exactly the right thing. You did not owe Sheila an apology; she owes you one. By now, you must have realized that your friend is self-centered, overly dramatic and brought this episode upon herself. Divorces can make people hyperemotional and irrational. Once Sheila gets her feet back on the ground, I hope she realizes what a good friend you are. If she doesn't, the loss is hers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to respond to "Discredited," whose parent stole his (or her) identity and opened credit card accounts using that false identity.

I investigate credit card fraud for one of the largest banks in the world. For parents to commit identity theft against their children is an increasing trend.

"Discredited" needs to contact the credit card companies as soon as possible and report the fraud. And "Discredited" should NOT pay on those cards, since that is often interpreted as acceptance of responsibility. Because she did not authorize the cards, they will most likely be removed from her credit report after completing some paperwork. She should also, as you advised, file a police report since many companies require one when reporting fraud.

If "Discredited" does not take action NOW, his/her credit will be affected for the rest of her life. As a preventive measure, the three major credit reporting agencies should be alerted and a fraud alert placed, which will require lenders to contact "Discredited" at a specified phone number before extending credit.

Please don't use my name. Sign me ... FRAUD INVESTIGATOR IN TENNESSEE

DEAR INVESTIGATOR: Thank you for your supportive and helpful letter.

Readers, if the mail I have received about this problem is any indication, ID theft and fraud have become so common that all of us should run a credit check on ourselves once a year to make sure we haven't been "cloned." It can be done by contacting the three credit bureaus: Experian: 888-397-3742; Equifax: 800-685-1111; and Transunion: 800-916-8800. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Discredited" wrote about one of her parents using her credit information. This is called family identity theft, and it is a far too common, yet frequently hidden occurrence that is not often discussed.

You rightly advised "Discredited" not to continue to be victimized or feel ashamed, and urged the writer to contact the police. However, given the cultural issues raised by this individual (who is Asian), your advice may have been oversimplified. In our experience at the Identity Theft Resource Center, many family ID theft victims could benefit from talking to an adviser about potential consequences to themselves and the thief before making such a difficult decision.

We work regularly with cases such as these, as well as those in which ID theft is used as a form of domestic violence. Our program is nonprofit, and victims are never charged for our time. -- LINDA FOLEY, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, ITRC

DEAR LINDA: Batten down the hatches, because you're going to be inundated. Readers, the Web site is www.idtheftcenter.org.

And now, some additional information: In cases like this, it is also a good idea to contact the Social Security Administration and request a statement of your earnings to make certain your relative isn't working using your information. And, depending on your age, it may be necessary to contact the Internal Revenue Service to ensure that no personal tax bills are due (or overdue) under your personal identifying information.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, I gave my hairdresser, "Zelda," an especially generous tip. She had done a particularly good job and I thought she deserved it.

The next time I visited Zelda, she charged me a higher price to include the amount I had tipped her. I paid the bill without disputing it, and now she expects that much every time. I feel taken advantage of. In addition, if Zelda isn't there when I need an appointment and I use another hairdresser, I am asked how much I pay Zelda before I'm told how much I owe. I have heard them charge other customers a smaller fee.

I'm annoyed and upset, but I don't know what to do about it. I like the job Zelda does, so I don't want to switch. I just wish I had never been so generous. -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN L.A.

DEAR PULLING YOUR HAIR OUT: Bald may be beautiful, but pulling your hair out isn't the answer. Having a frank discussion with Zelda and clearing the air is. Prices for services should be posted -- or available upon request -- so customers know what they're expected to pay.

To tip for exceptional service is the correct and accepted thing to do. For Zelda to have then added that tip to her regular fee was presumptuous. Since you don't want to change hairdressers, you may have to tolerate being "clipped." However, if I were you, I'd start asking women whose hair I admire whom they're patronizing and what they are being charged. The beauty business is competitive, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

DEAR ABBY: You sometimes offer advice to women who have trouble meeting eligible men. You suggest they do volunteer work, get involved in church groups, etc.

Well, I have a suggestion for another good "hunting ground." Years ago, I worked at the chamber of commerce in a large Midwestern city. While paid staff did the "heavy lifting," dozens of members worked on committees, special events and other civic activities.

Our female assistants were continuously interacting with young company executives, hard-working, civic-minded guys with good jobs and great potential. I recall several romances that deprived us of good female staff when the woman left to marry some committee volunteer.

So, Abby, consider suggesting to your readers that they look in that direction -- chambers of commerce, manufacturing associations, any civic organization that relies on a lot of volunteer participation from its members. Not only will they have a job doing something worthwhile, they'll be brought into frequent contact with potential partners. -- CUPID IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CUPID: Thank you! Those are terrific suggestions, and I'll add them to my collection. I'll bet your arrows strike a few bull's-eyes today.

FROM MY COLLECTION OF LIMERICKS:

A quiet young lady called Snookie

At betting was quite a smart cookie.

Before every race

She went home to her place

And curled up with a very good bookie.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)