DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from "Former Houseguest," who complained about his hostess rushing into the bathroom and scrubbing it every morning after he and his fiancee had showered.

When I was a newlywed, I was an insecure hostess and overly concerned about what my guests might think of the state of my house. Perhaps she was trying to impress upon them that she was a careful homemaker. Her rushing in to clean the bathroom may have nothing to do with her not wanting them there. -- BEEN THERE IN ROWLETT, TEXAS

DEAR BEEN THERE: Perhaps not; other readers read the letter through the prism of their own experiences, too. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a stepdaughter who has a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This poor soul can't have company because she must spend all day and all night cleaning the entire house before they arrive. When we visit her, we must be careful not to touch the walls, or she will scrub them, too.

Some people are not even aware that they have this illness until it's so out of control they are advised to seek help. This could be the case with that hostess. It's a terrible illness that results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. -- A READER, NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR READER: Thanks for pointing it out. A reader from Texarkana, Texas, who suffers from OCD e-mailed me to suggest that people who have this disorder should contact the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation Inc. It offers support and education for people with OCD-related disorders, their friends, families and professionals, and it also supports research into the causes and effective treatments. Its Web site is: www.ocfoundation.org. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a different perspective than you on the letter from "Former Houseguest."

I also clean my bathroom every morning, and I am not alone. A lot of people are on a "system" set up by someone we call "the FlyLady." ("Fly" stands for "Finally Loving Yourself.")

She is a county commissioner in the state of Tennessee, who instructs us to get up, get dressed to the shoes, put in a load of laundry, and make our bathrooms shine -- every day, first thing in the morning. The bathroom is then presentable for any guests who might come later in the day.

If you would like to see this for yourself, go to www.flylady.net. She is wonderful. She talks about having peace in your homes and a lot of other wonderful things. There are currently 212,899 people following her system. That hostess may well be one of them.

The hostess could have set her routine up long before "Former Houseguest" arrived. Should she have been expected to modify her daily routine just because she had guests? I don't think so! -- FLYING IN OREGON

DEAR FLYING: After reading your letter, I stopped by my neighborhood bookstore and spotted a book by Marla Cilley, the FlyLady. It's titled "Sink Reflections" (published by Bantam Books). It was easy to read and chock-full of helpful ideas for the disorganized, as so many people are today. What I liked most about it was Ms. Cilley's philosophy that organization is most easily achieved not through earthshaking changes, but through a series of baby steps.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 1-year-old daughter with a man I chose not to marry. Every time I take my little girl to visit her grandparents, they bombard me with comments about who my child favors. Everything, from his family's point of view, comes from her father -- down to her baby noises and facial gestures.

What makes this so hurtful is it's simply not true. I have tried to politely slip some baby pictures of myself to them in the hope they'd take the hint and stop. My daughter does resemble her daddy, but she also has my hair, eyes, skin and some facial features. Nothing has worked so far, and I am beyond frustrated.

Please print this because, childish as it may seem, being made to feel like a test tube who contributed nothing really hurts. -- INVISIBLE IN ALABAMA

DEAR INVISIBLE: Stop hinting and tell your daughter's grandparents exactly what you have told me and the rest of my readers. But please say it gently, because what they are doing isn't unusual. When a child is born, it's natural for families to look for and recognize their own genetic traits. They may be tactless, but I'm sure they don't mean to be cruel. You are far more than a "test tube." You're a caring and conscientious mother for making sure that your child has a relationship with her grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: I just got a phone call from my father. He hadn't called in more than three months, so I was a little surprised to hear from him. The first words out of his mouth were, "Can I borrow $250 to get my car fixed? You don't even have to get me a Father's Day present."

Abby, my dad is not poor. Now he is mad at me for saying no. He says I'm ungrateful, and that I owe it to him for all the years he paid child support to my mom.

I don't have the money to spare. I just spent a lot to have my own car fixed, and I'm saving for a new one. Was I wrong not to give him the loan? Should I have done it to keep the peace? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: It depends on your relationship with your father. Obviously, you are not particularly close or there wouldn't have been a three-month gap between conversations. And since "the first words out of his mouth" were to ask for money, your dad's diplomatic skills could use some sharpening.

I don't think you were wrong to refuse. The worst reason in the world to make a loan is to "keep the peace."

P.S. Your father paid child support because he was required by law to do it. You do not owe him money in return.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to communicate to your work colleagues the reinstatement of your maiden name after a divorce? -- SINGLE AGAIN IN SAN RAMON, CALIF.

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: Tell your co-workers about your name change and have new business cards printed. For those with whom you do business but do not see on a daily basis, a short note informing them of the name change would be suitable. If you are asked the reason for it, a two-word explanation, "I'm divorced," should suffice.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby girl seven weeks ago. Her name is "Madison." My mother-in-law is here visiting from another country to help me. My problem is she insists on taking Madison into her bed with her at night so I can sleep.

I prefer that our daughter sleep in her bassinet, because my mother-in-law weighs between 350 and 375 pounds, and I'm afraid she could accidentally roll over on the baby. When I asked her the other night to please use the bassinet, she waved her hand at me in a very disrespectful gesture, and then stomped into her room with Madison.

I told my husband to tell her that I wanted my daughter in the bassinet, and she told him to tell me to come in and get her.

Am I being ridiculous to be afraid? I never have Madison in my bed, because I'm afraid of rolling over on her. -- SCARED NEW MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED: You are not ridiculous; you are a conscientious new mother, and your concerns are valid. Stick to your guns, and if it means getting less help from your mother-in-law -- so be it. And stop asking your husband to intercede for you. This is between you and your mother-in-law. If she waves her hand at you again, wave this item back at her and hand her her plane ticket home.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice. A former co-worker has invited me to her wedding. It's between her and her girlfriend. If I go, I'll have to take my 4-year-old son because I don't have a sitter.

Part of me thinks I should go and take him because they're a nice couple who have been together for seven years. They love each other, and it would be good for my son to learn that it's OK to be different. However, the other part of me thinks, "How am I going to answer the inevitable question, 'Mummy, why is that girl kissing the other girl?'" I know I could answer it with, "Because they love each other," but I think it's a bit of a leap for a 4-year-old. Then again, I'm thinking if I don't take him, I am breeding intolerance and hate -- and that is not my aim.

Should I go, or just send a gift and my best wishes? -- HELP! IN JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR HELP!: Whether to take him or not depends on whether there will be other children at the wedding. If he's the only child there, he could be bored. If other children are included, he will probably regard it as a nice party and nothing more. Should he ask why one person is kissing the other, tell the truth -- because they love each other. You don't have to deliver a 15-minute lecture on tolerance. Besides, by the time the wedding cake is served, he'll be more interested in dessert and playing with his contemporaries than any life lesson. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: When an invitation to a party states, "No gifts, please," do people really mean it?

I have heard people mention how much they got after such parties, who gave what, and how cheap "so-and-so" was. I thought "no gifts" really meant no gifts.

If you come giftless, are you in the wrong? -- CONFUSED PARTYGOER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONFUSED: "No gifts" means exactly what it says. People who describe their guests as "cheap" and complain that what was given to them wasn't good enough are petty gossips whose parties you should avoid.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)