DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a small community of fewer than 200 people. We installed a swimming pool in our back yard and made the mistake of allowing neighbors to come over to swim.

I recently started a home-based business, and one of my neighbors refuses to understand that I have to work. Even in the winter she comes over and sits on our yard furniture, waiting for me to come out and talk to her. In the summer, she comes unannounced and either sunbathes in our yard or swims in our pool. One day she caught my poor husband on the deck tanning in his birthday suit.

We have asked people to call before coming, but some of our neighbors have come to swim and left their kids there -- as though I am expected to baby-sit for them.

Have you anything I could laminate and post in my back yard that will remind my neighbors about observing common courtesy and not coming over unannounced? -- DESPERATE IN KANSAS

DEAR DESPERATE: There's an old saying, if folks take advantage of you once, shame on them; if they take advantage of you twice, shame on YOU.

You can put a stop to the drop-ins by becoming assertive. The next time you find your yard populated with uninvited guests, go outside and tell them, "I'm sorry, but today isn't a good day for me to have people use the pool. Next time, please call before coming over."

Some pool owners have solved the problem by installing a flagpole in their yards and raising a "welcome flag" when guests are invited to swim. Others post signs next to the pool area, stating that the pool is open to guests from ( ) to ( ) on specified days and that children must be supervised by parents at all times.

It is extremely important that you be properly insured because should someone be injured on your property, you would be liable -- so call your insurance agent and make certain your homeowner's insurance is current and adequate. Good luck.

P.S. Have you considered putting in a fence with a locked gate?

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have two children, a son, age 7, and a daughter, age 5. Every day when my son leaves for work, he drops his son off at school.

Before they leave the house, he takes his daughter to the bathroom and then she is locked in her bedroom until her mother gets out of bed.

I have tried telling them that this isn't right. To me, it is very dangerous -- and probably illegal -- to leave a young child locked in a room unattended. I also worry that it may cause psychological damage. Could you please give me some words that I can pass along to them? They refuse to take me seriously. -- SLEEPING BEAUTY'S MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW: It would be interesting to know how long and why your daughter-in-law stays in bed in the mornings. Could she be depressed? Substance-addicted? It is her responsibility to care for and supervise her daughter -- not (literally) lie down on the job until it's convenient.

Since your son and daughter-in-law are deaf to your concerns, please inform child protective services. I, too, am worried about the psychological implications for your grandchild.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a lady I'll call Gloria. We have been spending time together and enjoy each other's company.

Last week, she invited me to her home for dinner. While I was eating, she excused herself from the table and returned a few minutes later with her pet cockatiel, "Bogart," on her shoulder. After she sat down, she placed a morsel of food in her hand and lifted it to her shoulder so Bogart could eat.

Next, she put some food in her mouth, and with the bird still on her shoulder, exposed the tip of her tongue (which had another morsel of food on it), and proceeded to let Bogart peck the food off her tongue. Finally, she craned her neck toward the bird as if delivering a passionate kiss, while Bogart inserted his beak between Gloria's lips and withdrew a shred of food.

I enjoy Gloria's company very much, but we are only at the beginning of a relationship. Abby, does being a pet lover have any bearing on what is appropriate at the dinner table? And what are the health implications of intimate contact with one's bird?

I have had pets in the past that I loved. But they never sat at my table, nor did they insert any part of themselves into my mouth to retrieve snacks of any kind. Was what Gloria did acceptable behavior at the table? -- NAUSEATED IN OLDE VIRGINNY

DEAR NAUSEATED: Hardly! However, putting aside her lack of basic table manners, I have a "tidbit" for you: This is a basic hygiene issue -- meaning there are health concerns for both Gloria and her pet. My veterinary expert, Dr. Erwin David, tells me that the oral cavities of both birds and humans are teeming with bacteria. Both Gloria and Bogart could catch something potentially harmful from each other.

You have now had a taste of what life will be like if your relationship progresses. Do not kiss Gloria unless she first gargles with a mouthwash that kills germs on contact.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my virginity about a month ago. My mother and I have always been close, and I have been able to tell her anything. But this time I'm not sure I can. What if I see hurt and disappointment in her eyes when I say it?

My mother got pregnant young, and she has always told me she doesn't want that life for me. So, Abby, do I tell her or not? I hate lying to her and I hate keeping things from her. Please help! -- "DAISY" IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR "DAISY": It is important for a number of reasons that you tell your mother. She may be hurt and disappointed, but she will also understand. It is important that you be examined by a doctor and learn how to protect yourself from becoming pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease. It is even more important that you learn how not to be pressured into having sex. Your mother can help you with these things because she learned the hard way. So level with her NOW.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My cousin, "Hazel," was recently told by her doctor that she must lose 75 pounds. She tells me that sticking to her diet is almost impossible. Years ago, you printed a prayer for dieters in your column. It was based on the 23rd Psalm. I kept a copy of it for years, but I lost it. Would you please print it again? -- SYMPATHETIC IN TAOS, N.M.

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: I couldn't locate the prayer you requested, but the premise intrigued me -- so I wrote one myself. I hope it inspires your friend. I empathize with her. By the way, she's not alone. I am told that one-third of all Americans are overweight. Read on:

A DIETER'S PRAYER

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;

He maketh me to lie down on vinyl-covered gym mats.

He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;

He restoreth my goals.

He diverteth me from the path of midnight snacking for my health's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the alley of the Vendors of Pastry, I will fear no weevil; for thou art with me;

My diet and exercises, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me

Spread with veggies and low-fat protein;

Thou steameth my fish in foil,

My resolve runneth over.

Surely, if I follow this living plan all the days of my life,

My hips will be slim forever.

Amen.

DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, after reading your column about a man who had experienced testicular cancer, I was prompted to examine myself. It was something I had never thought about until that day. Not once had I ever considered the possibility that it could actually happen to me.

Sure enough, I found a large lump that sent a cold chill down my spine. My general practitioner didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. But I was still worried, so I made an appointment for a second opinion with a urologist. He had a waiting list a month long, but the morning after I consulted him I found myself in the hospital having my first surgery.

Now, one year later, after two surgeries and six weeks of chemotherapy, I am 99 percent cured and feeling great.

Thank you, Abby, for raising my awareness about this serious disease. I can't stress strongly enough the extreme importance of self-examination and early detection. Your column saved my life. -- GRATEFUL GUY IN MARYLAND

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased that my column helped you. The American Cancer Society informs me that when testicular cancer is diagnosed early, it is highly curable. Testicular self-examinations are quick and easy, and should be performed once a month. A simple way to do it is while taking a shower. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society by calling the toll-free number (800) 227-2345 or visiting the Web site: www.cancer.org.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)