DEAR ABBY: Please urge "Depressed About the Future" to complete her education. I, too, was a younger child (fourth out of five) and only the second of 27 grandchildren to go to college.

My mother ordered me not to talk about college around my siblings, and my brother said I was a snob for wanting a better education. I am so glad I didn't listen to them.

Both of my parents told me how proud they were of me when I received my first degree. And as adults, one sister has earned two B.A.s, and another sister and brother have taken many college classes. The brother who called me a snob is now in college at age 54. He still teases me about being "Susie Co-ed," but he loves college and regrets not having gone sooner. -- B.S., M.S., FROM OHIO

DEAR M.S.: I applaud your determination and perseverance -- and that's no B.S. Readers all over the country have written to offer advice and emotional support. Read on for some samples:

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15 I announced at the dinner table that I was going to college. My parents said I should forget it because they didn't have the money. I said, "If I want to go to college, I'll find a way." And I did! It was the most empowering thing I have ever done.

Please tell "Depressed" that no dream is too big. I am now a trained professional with a graduate degree. -- DID IT IN MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR DID IT: Bravo!

DEAR ABBY: My husband, Phil, and I were the first in our families to receive university degrees. We did it together, living in a one-room apartment near campus living on $90 a month from Phil's G.I. Bill. We ate lots of macaroni and cheese, attended a church within walking distance (we had no car), and graduated in three years with bachelor of science degrees. Later, we earned M.A.E. degrees by going to the university on Friday and Saturday nights. (I graduated with honors.) There is nothing as costly as NOT getting an education.

The best advice I can offer from the perspective of my own education, and that of the hundreds of college students I have taught, is this:

(1) Believe in yourself and do your best.

(2) Be enthusiastic and make friends.

(3) Wring from your college experience every opportunity to learn the basics in your chosen field, and attend the elective seminars -- the all-campus lectures -- to broaden your horizons.

(4) Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

(5) Recognize learning as an introduction to learning more on your own.

(6) You owe it to yourself, your children, your employer and your community to GO FOR IT! -- M. BALLOU, Ph.D., Ed.D., PAST PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF UNIVERSITY WOMEN

DEAR DR. BALLOU: You have my respect and admiration. Wouldn't it be wonderful to know how many thousands of young people your letter has inspired today?

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law bought a pit bull. Because I have small children and am concerned about their safety, I asked her not to bring the dog to my house. She agreed.

However, my in-laws frequently baby-sit our children. Although my mother-in-law promised that she would not allow the pit bull there when my children are at her home, my father-in-law now says that this places him in an awkward position. He doesn't want to choose between seeing his daughter -- who likes to bring her pit bull with her everywhere -- and having my kids there.

He has asked me to reconsider. I feel strongly that I should stand firm, even if it means my in-laws no longer baby-sit, which will be a loss to my children. What is your advice? -- WORRIED MOM IN ANN ARBOR

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Small children should not be left unsupervised with any breed of dog. Children are unpredictable and could unwittingly do something to frighten or agitate the animal.

It would be nice if you and your sister-in-law could coordinate the visits of the kids and the dog. However, if that is not possible, unless you are absolutely certain that your children would not be injured, it's better to err on the side of caution and stand firm.

DEAR ABBY: Our 27-year-old college-educated daughter, "Peggy," has announced her engagement to a high school dropout with an abusive past and a rap sheet longer than my monthly grocery list. He supports two teenage children from a previous relationship and has been in and out of jail for assault and battery and DUIs.

Peggy has lived with him for the past year and has stopped speaking to us because we won't pay for the wedding. She and my parents feel we are wrong for not supporting her and paying for the wedding. What is your opinion on this? She is marrying him against our wishes. -- UPSET PARENTS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UPSET PARENTS: Please inform your daughter -- and your parents -- that a wedding is a GIFT, not an obligation on the part of the parents. For all of the reasons you have stated, you have ample reason not to pay for the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in her early 40s who is dying of cancer. "Claire" had a Class II pap test years ago, but she never went back for a recheck.

Claire now has only a short time left. She leaves an adoring husband and three teenagers. Please remind your readers once again how important it is to follow through as instructed by their physician. My friend's death might have been prevented. -- GRIEVING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Sometimes people with many responsibilities place themselves low on their list of priorities. Your friend may have been one of those -- or she may have been afraid to return to the doctor. But one thing is certain, whatever bad news the doctor might have to deliver, the WORST is that because the patient procrastinated the condition has become so advanced that it's impossible to treat.

P.S. Test results are usually available in about a week. If a patient hasn't heard from the doctor's office by then, the patient should contact the doctor.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for almost a year. It was an ugly divorce that became long, drawn-out and expensive. I have moved on with my life. My ex-husband, however, has not. He is in constant contact with my family.

My sister casually mentioned the other day that he had stopped by her office to "talk." He also calls my mother regularly and stops by her house to see her. He takes them to dinner and tries to act like nothing changed.

What he is really doing is getting information about my life while getting sympathy from them.

The final straw was learning that he had been invited to my nephew's graduation. I have explained to my family that I want no more contact with him and do not want to see him again. He told vicious lies and spread horrible rumors during the divorce that cost me all of our mutual friends. They all believed his lies and did not support me.

We had no children, so I see no reason to stay in contact. He won't let go of me and my family. What can I do? -- WANTS TO BE FREE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WANTS TO BE FREE: It would be interesting to know why your family has continued to make him welcome. Are they enjoying the attention? The drama? Whatever the tie that's binding them, it is out of your control. And whether he is clinging to them out of neediness or the pleasure of sticking it to you is beside the point.

Even if the ghost of marriage past is lurking in the background, you ARE free. So live your own life, limit the amount of information you give to your family, and consider it "mind over matter." (You don't mind, and he don't matter.) The sooner you do, the sooner you will close the unhappy chapter of your life that includes him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sticky situation at work. One of the men I work with, "Josh," likes to brag about all his sexual conquests. One of the women he brags about is "Pamela," another of my co-workers.

I don't think he's telling the truth because she is happily married. Should I tell her he's spreading rumors about her, or should I mind my own business? -- WONDER WHAT HE SEZ ABOUT ME

DEAR WONDER: By all means, tell Pamela what Josh is saying. She has a right to know and to defend herself. What Josh considers an affirmation of his charm may be construed as slander by her. And his harping on the topic of his sex life at the office could be considered sexual harassment. It won't stop until either you or Pamela complains to a supervisor.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning a 30th birthday party for my husband. I would like to invite friends and family to join us for dinner at my husband's favorite restaurant.

Because I have a small budget to work from and he has a large family, I can afford to pay only for my husband and me. Would it be OK to invite people to attend and ask them to pay for their own meal, and if so, how do I appropriately say that on the invitation? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN FREDERICK, MD.

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: To invite people to a party and expect them to pay for their own meal is considered tacky. Since you can't afford to give your husband a party, instead invite your friends and his large family to your home after dinner to celebrate with dessert and coffee. That way you won't be criticized.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)