DEAR ABBY: I am about 70 pounds overweight. When I try to diet I just give up. I feel like crying every night because of the way I look. The older I get, the more concerned I am about my weight problem, but I can't help myself.

I'm not dating anyone, and my so-called "friend" said it's because I am so ugly.

I am also kind of scared that I'll wind up dead because of my weight, but I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm sad and I eat because I'm happy. I joined an athletic program at school. All it did was help me lose a little bit of weight -- not much.

What can I do to feel better about myself and become more healthy? I don't want to die. -- SCARED AND SAD FAT GIRL

DEAR SCARED AND FAT: Stop beating yourself up. You have a weight problem, but you're not alone. So do millions of other people. Give yourself a pat on the back. You have already taken the first important step in overcoming your problem. You joined an athletic program, which is important to your long-term health. An added bonus is that it helps to burn calories.

Now it's time to make an appointment with your physician so he or she can recommend a sensible weight-loss program. Once that's established, go to your phone directory and check the listings for Overeaters Anonymous. OA is a self-help group that has been around for more than 40 years, with more than 8,000 chapters in 50 countries. You will be welcomed with open arms into a fellowship of compassionate women, men and young people who share a common problem. It charges no dues or fees, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

Allow me to quote from a letter I printed in 1999 from a member of Overeaters Anonymous:

"Before I found OA at age 19, I had failed at every diet I tried. I wasn't able to stop shoving food down my throat. Back then, I could easily consume eight candy bars, a pint of ice cream and half a pizza in one sitting. ... My emotional state was equally tortured.

"I lost 45 pounds, Abby, but more important, I have kept it off for more than 18 years. One of my closest friends lost 102 pounds through OA and has kept it off for nearly two years. My sponsor, who guides me through the program, lost 250 pounds and has kept it off for 27 years. I'm not making it up.

"Incredibly, I don't miss the foods I used to wolf down. I eat nothing sweeter than fresh fruit, and I haven't been plagued by the relentless cravings I used to suffer. OA changed the way I relate emotionally to food. I love life now, and often can't wait to get up in the morning."

"Sad and Scared," jump-start your diet by jettisoning the so-called "friend" you mentioned in your letter. With that kind of negative influence in your life, it's no wonder you turned to food for comfort. If you have trouble locating an OA chapter near you, visit the Web site, www.overeatersanonymous.org, or send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020. You'll be glad you did.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married in six months. My fiance, "Ken," has presented me with a prenuptial agreement. We have been together for 5 1/2 years. I am 35 years old, and this may be my only shot at having my own family. I love Ken and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I have shown the agreement to two attorneys. Both told me that it is one-sided. If the marriage should end I will not be entitled to anything, and I will be nothing more than a live-in girlfriend. I am so confused. I tried to discuss it with Ken, but he is very stubborn about the wording and insists that it should remain.

I have no one to confide in because I don't want my family and friends to know. Please help me. -- EMBARRASSED IN STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: A man who loves the woman he's about to marry should be willing to ensure that she is treated fairly. You should not be faced with being penniless if the marriage doesn't work out.

Unless a compromise can be worked out that is fair to both of you, you should not go through with the marriage. Your legal counsel should be negotiating with his legal counsel, and the two of you should remain above the fray.

While we're on the subject of legal documents, read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers to be certain their estates are in order. One of my neighbors, "Graham," has been hospitalized twice for serious problems. After the first incident, I tried to convince Graham and his wife, "Carolyn," to make a Living Will and a Living Trust. Graham was all for it; Carolyn didn't want to take the necessary steps. Evidently, his vote didn't count because nothing was done.

Now Carolyn is in the hospital. Her illness is serious. Neither of them is covered in the eventuality of death. This means the survivor will have to go through probate -- a costly journey. Their home is not in joint survivorship, so that will go through probate, too.

It doesn't matter how much a person owns. Everyone needs, at the very least, a will and a Living Will. -- CONCERNED FRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED: How true. In recent weeks, I have lost two friends, both with no warning. The first to die was a beautiful woman in the prime of life. She was in the best of health until an infection suddenly overwhelmed her. Who thinks about mortality in the prime of life? She didn't, and now her survivors have a headache on top of their heartache.

The second was a gentleman I had known for more than 20 years. He carried my name in his wallet as the person to notify in case of an emergency. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance one afternoon and instructed the doctors and nurses not to notify me or his family because he was sure he'd be home within a few days. Then he slipped into a coma. He had talked to me about how he wanted his estate distributed in the event something happened to him -- but he never put it in writing. By the time the government and the lawyers get finished with it, there will be little left for the people he loved.

What I'm trying to convey is that we're all going to go. And few can predict exactly how or when. So unless you want your hard-earned assets sold to pay death taxes and estate lawyers, make a will. Unless you want strangers or emotionally stressed relatives determining what will happen to you if you're too sick to speak for yourself, make a LIVING will. The choice is yours. Personally, I'd rather stipulate.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My dad, Alvin Hennerberg, who is now 78, is a retired farmer living in Nebraska. He and my mom, Elaine, have been married for 50 years. A few years ago, as I reflected upon his role in my life, I realized what a strong role model he has been through his daily rituals and work. Even though I didn't grow up to be a farmer, what he taught me has translated into how I conduct my daily life.

I put some of the lessons I learned from him in writing and gave it to him for his birthday.

I suspect many sons and daughters have similar sentiments about their dads on this Father's Day. There may be sons and daughters who would enjoy reading them, passing them along to their fathers, and telling them that they, too, learned important life lessons that only a dad can teach. -- GARY HENNERBERG, GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR GARY: The wisdom you learned from your father is classic and deserves to be shared. You have done him proud. Read on:

WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU

-- Make Hay While the Sun Shines

When it's sunny and the forecast is good, bring out the equipment and take advantage of the circumstances of the day. Not every day is sunny, and not every day in life brings opportunity. I learned from you that when times are good we should make the most of them.

-- Sharpen Tools on a Rainy Day

When it rained and we couldn't go to the field, we used our time wisely by sharpening our tools, doing maintenance, or other tasks that would give us a jump start on the season. I learned from you that rainy days are actually a gift from God to refresh, renew and make us better.

-- Keep Machines Cleaned and Maintained

We washed the equipment and conducted routine maintenance as an automatic ritual. It made them look years newer than their actual age, and cost less to operate in the long run. That attitude you instilled in me continues to this day. I take care of my belongings and treat them with respect.

-- Stay Between the Lines

A clean field requires staying between the rows when cultivating it. When you stray outside the rows, you'll needlessly destroy precious crops. I stay within the lines in my personal life and do what's right for my business associates. I learned from you to be careful not to do anything that would destroy what we cultivate.

-- Take the High Road

An improper act shouldn't result in an improper response. Better to take the high road and be able to hold your head up, knowing you did the right thing. I learned from you that often the best response is silence, and that good fortune results when you treat people with respect.

-- Go to Church Every Sunday and Trust God

We did it. It's a lifelong habit you instilled in me. It has reinforced in me the real priorities of life and family. And, equally important, it has given me the freedom to know that at the end of the day, and at the end of time, everything will be all right.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, TOO: Happy Father's Day to all of you. And to my own father, Morton Phillips in Minneapolis, a Happy Father's Day to my one and only "Pop."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)