DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married in six months. My fiance, "Ken," has presented me with a prenuptial agreement. We have been together for 5 1/2 years. I am 35 years old, and this may be my only shot at having my own family. I love Ken and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I have shown the agreement to two attorneys. Both told me that it is one-sided. If the marriage should end I will not be entitled to anything, and I will be nothing more than a live-in girlfriend. I am so confused. I tried to discuss it with Ken, but he is very stubborn about the wording and insists that it should remain.

I have no one to confide in because I don't want my family and friends to know. Please help me. -- EMBARRASSED IN STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: A man who loves the woman he's about to marry should be willing to ensure that she is treated fairly. You should not be faced with being penniless if the marriage doesn't work out.

Unless a compromise can be worked out that is fair to both of you, you should not go through with the marriage. Your legal counsel should be negotiating with his legal counsel, and the two of you should remain above the fray.

While we're on the subject of legal documents, read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers to be certain their estates are in order. One of my neighbors, "Graham," has been hospitalized twice for serious problems. After the first incident, I tried to convince Graham and his wife, "Carolyn," to make a Living Will and a Living Trust. Graham was all for it; Carolyn didn't want to take the necessary steps. Evidently, his vote didn't count because nothing was done.

Now Carolyn is in the hospital. Her illness is serious. Neither of them is covered in the eventuality of death. This means the survivor will have to go through probate -- a costly journey. Their home is not in joint survivorship, so that will go through probate, too.

It doesn't matter how much a person owns. Everyone needs, at the very least, a will and a Living Will. -- CONCERNED FRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED: How true. In recent weeks, I have lost two friends, both with no warning. The first to die was a beautiful woman in the prime of life. She was in the best of health until an infection suddenly overwhelmed her. Who thinks about mortality in the prime of life? She didn't, and now her survivors have a headache on top of their heartache.

The second was a gentleman I had known for more than 20 years. He carried my name in his wallet as the person to notify in case of an emergency. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance one afternoon and instructed the doctors and nurses not to notify me or his family because he was sure he'd be home within a few days. Then he slipped into a coma. He had talked to me about how he wanted his estate distributed in the event something happened to him -- but he never put it in writing. By the time the government and the lawyers get finished with it, there will be little left for the people he loved.

What I'm trying to convey is that we're all going to go. And few can predict exactly how or when. So unless you want your hard-earned assets sold to pay death taxes and estate lawyers, make a will. Unless you want strangers or emotionally stressed relatives determining what will happen to you if you're too sick to speak for yourself, make a LIVING will. The choice is yours. Personally, I'd rather stipulate.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My dad, Alvin Hennerberg, who is now 78, is a retired farmer living in Nebraska. He and my mom, Elaine, have been married for 50 years. A few years ago, as I reflected upon his role in my life, I realized what a strong role model he has been through his daily rituals and work. Even though I didn't grow up to be a farmer, what he taught me has translated into how I conduct my daily life.

I put some of the lessons I learned from him in writing and gave it to him for his birthday.

I suspect many sons and daughters have similar sentiments about their dads on this Father's Day. There may be sons and daughters who would enjoy reading them, passing them along to their fathers, and telling them that they, too, learned important life lessons that only a dad can teach. -- GARY HENNERBERG, GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR GARY: The wisdom you learned from your father is classic and deserves to be shared. You have done him proud. Read on:

WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU

-- Make Hay While the Sun Shines

When it's sunny and the forecast is good, bring out the equipment and take advantage of the circumstances of the day. Not every day is sunny, and not every day in life brings opportunity. I learned from you that when times are good we should make the most of them.

-- Sharpen Tools on a Rainy Day

When it rained and we couldn't go to the field, we used our time wisely by sharpening our tools, doing maintenance, or other tasks that would give us a jump start on the season. I learned from you that rainy days are actually a gift from God to refresh, renew and make us better.

-- Keep Machines Cleaned and Maintained

We washed the equipment and conducted routine maintenance as an automatic ritual. It made them look years newer than their actual age, and cost less to operate in the long run. That attitude you instilled in me continues to this day. I take care of my belongings and treat them with respect.

-- Stay Between the Lines

A clean field requires staying between the rows when cultivating it. When you stray outside the rows, you'll needlessly destroy precious crops. I stay within the lines in my personal life and do what's right for my business associates. I learned from you to be careful not to do anything that would destroy what we cultivate.

-- Take the High Road

An improper act shouldn't result in an improper response. Better to take the high road and be able to hold your head up, knowing you did the right thing. I learned from you that often the best response is silence, and that good fortune results when you treat people with respect.

-- Go to Church Every Sunday and Trust God

We did it. It's a lifelong habit you instilled in me. It has reinforced in me the real priorities of life and family. And, equally important, it has given me the freedom to know that at the end of the day, and at the end of time, everything will be all right.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, TOO: Happy Father's Day to all of you. And to my own father, Morton Phillips in Minneapolis, a Happy Father's Day to my one and only "Pop."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Wanda," is in trouble. We're only in sixth grade, and I don't want her to ruin her life. I found out she is doing drugs. I know Wanda needs help, but I don't know where to start.

Should I tell her I know? I think the first step to helping her is to get her to admit she has a problem. Am I right? -- CONCERNED FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONCERNED: Admitting one has a problem is the first step in helping ONESELF. If you try to get her to admit she has a problem, the first thing she will probably try to do is deny it.

Your first step to helping Wanda should be to tell your mother what you have learned. It is important that your friend's mother know what her daughter is doing, so she can have the girl tested and find professional help for her. Do not put it off.

DEAR ABBY: When parents have been divorced for many years, is it possible for a bride to have both her father and stepfather walk her down the aisle? This is becoming a bone of contention that no one seems able to solve. -- WORRIED GRANDMA IN HOUSTON

DEAR WORRIED: If the birth father has been absent emotionally and/or financially, and the stepfather has raised the bride, the subject can be sensitive. From my perspective, the father who put in the effort should have the honor of walking her down the aisle -- but not all brides agree with me. Some families compromise; the birth father walks the bride partway down the aisle, and the stepfather takes her the rest of the way (or vice versa). I hope this helps to resolve the dilemma.

DEAR ABBY: I have a boyfriend I like a lot. The problem is my mother won't let me have him over even when they are here. I am very responsible and wouldn't do anything dumb with him. I'm 13, so it would only be to spend some quality time together. Have you any ideas how to convince my mom? -- TOTALLY CRUSHED IN COLFAX, WIS.

DEAR TOTALLY CRUSHED: Clip this letter and show it to your mom. She may think that you are too young to be interested in boys and believe that if she "just says no," your interest will lessen. Big mistake. Parents who are inflexible force their children to sneak around. They have forgotten that the safest environment is the one that's most closely supervised, and that is at home with an adult present.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if it is still appropriate to address a card to a young male child as "Master" and then the child's name? I have been doing it for years, but my husband says that the practice is outdated. -- UNSURE IN ELYRIA, OHIO

DEAR UNSURE: Continue to do it if you wish. According to the 16th edition of Emily Post's "Etiquette" (Harper Collins, 1997): "Boys may be addressed as 'Master' on envelopes and formal correspondence until they are about 7 years old, and 'Mr.' when they become 18. In between, no title is used."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)