DEAR ABBY: I have a 9-month-old son and am expecting another child in three months. My husband, "Matt," works nights, so when I get home exhausted at the end of my workday, I care for our baby by myself.

Matt used to drink a lot, but he slowed down quite a bit when we got married. I still feel that alcohol rules his life because his idea of an evening out is getting drunk. If he has a day off, he spends it drinking, too.

On Matt's birthday, I took the baby and slept at my parents' house so he could have a party with the guys and get drunk. Because of my pregnancy I can't drink -- nor do I want to -- but I didn't want the baby there with a bunch of drunks, either.

Matt and I went to a sporting event together not too long ago. I was embarrassed because he left me sitting alone while he kept going off to buy more beer. Seven beers into the event he was stumbling over the other spectators in our row.

I hate living like this. He says I'm overreacting. Am I? Is this normal for a 26-year-old man? If it is, our marriage is doomed. -- FED UP IN RICHMOND, TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: No, it's not normal for the average 26-year-old man. But it is typical of an alcoholic of any age.

It's important that you contact Al-Anon, a 12-step fellowship of people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. To locate a chapter in your area, call 1-888-4ALANON (888-425-2666), or go to the Web site, which is www.al-anon.alateen.org.

Your husband's behavior won't change until he realizes he has a problem and wants to do something about it. Whether you want to spend the rest of your life this way is a question only you can answer. But please realize that a tendency toward alcoholism can be inherited, and be sure your children understand that fact as they grow older.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, long-distance. We visit whenever possible and plan to live together soon. My problem is, he doesn't trust me. Although I have assured him that I am devoted to him and always have been, he continues to accuse me of seeing other guys. He says he has a "gut feeling" about it. He says I treat my friends, and even strangers, better than I do him. I don't feel that way.

I'm afraid to answer the phone or have contact with people for fear that he will get jealous because he's not the center of attention. He has read my e-mails more than once, checking for evidence. I suspect he may have hacked into my computer. Is there any hope? -- INNOCENT AND FAITHFUL IN L.A.

DEAR INNOCENT AND FAITHFUL: No. If you are smart, you will KEEP your relationship with this young man long-distance. You have described a person who is potentially an abuser. His actions are obsessive and controlling. Even if you live together, you will never be able to fill the bottomless pit of his neediness and insecurity. My advice to you is to end the relationship.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I caught one of my parents using my credit card without my authorization. I checked my credit report and found that four other accounts had been opened in my name without my permission. I am furious.

My first impulse was to seek legal action, but I held back. I come from a Chinese/Filipino family. It is considered a matter of family honor not to disgrace or embarrass one another.

I am torn between reporting it and just taking care of it. But if I take care of it, I am enabling my parent to think that I can just clean up the problem and be OK with it.

I sent a letter asking that the balances be paid off. It was ignored. My other relatives aren't willing to get involved. I love my parent very much, but this isn't right. It has already ruined my chances of having a car or home of my own. What should I do? -- DISCREDITED IN ROCKVILLE, MD.

DEAR DISCREDITED: Your parent is guilty of credit card fraud and should be confronted. If you already have, and got nowhere, then treat this like you would any other crime and report the perpetrator to the police. There are legal remedies you can take.

In case you feel you are alone with this problem, I'm sad to say you have a lot of company. It is important that you waste no time in getting this mess straightened out. Please do not for one moment feel guilty about breaching "family honor." That happened when your parent began to fraudulently use your identity.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Patty," recently married. She and her husband have just started college, so I understand that, between being a newlywed and a college freshman, she is very busy. We rarely see them now. The college is only 50 miles away, and you would think they could call occasionally and come home once a month on a weekend. I offered to let Patty call collect or allow me to provide a calling card for her.

She was active in sports in high school and we went to every game. She was also in a drama group and we never missed a performance. So why is Patty now avoiding us? What can we do to get the closeness back that meant so much to her father and me? -- LONESOME FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR LONESOME: You appear to be suffering from a combination of separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome. From your description, your daughter's calendar is, indeed, full -- between being a full-time student and a new wife, with all of the responsibilities that go with it. She might be inclined to stay in touch more if you backed off and stopped pressuring her.

You and your husband have done your job well. Your daughter has been "launched." Now it's time for the both of you to concentrate on your own interests, your own lives and your own marriage. If you do, you'll feel your daughter's absence less and be much happier and more fulfilled.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult woman who is only attracted to men of other races. I try to date men of my own race, but I can never find enough chemistry with them to have a long-term relationship. Is something psychologically wrong with me? -- LONELY IN ATLANTA

DEAR LONELY: Not from my perspective. "Chemistry" is a complicated thing, and rarely is it rational. However, if this is causing you serious problems, some sessions with a therapist might help you get to the root of it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's cousin, "Suellen," spends at least five hours a day at our house. She's unemployed, unmarried, and has few of the social graces. She shows up without calling, often stays long past our bedtime, and even horns in on vacations with us.

I have a 3-year-old and am pregnant with our second child. I also work from 9 to 4 and am usually exhausted by the time I get home in the afternoon. None of this means anything to Suellen.

She refuses to take a hint. I have often told her I need peace and quiet in the evening and how much I enjoy being at home with my own little family.

Today I'm not going to go home, because she's already called to say she'll be there. How ridiculous is that?

My husband won't say anything to his cousin even though I complain to him all the time. I don't want to be rude, but I don't understand how anyone can be as oblivious as she is.

Abby, what can I do? -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN ALABAMA

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Since your husband can't bring himself to do it, you must draw the line. It's possible that Suellen doesn't take the hint because she regards herself as family. Speaking out will not make you popular, but it may save your sanity. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son, "Warren," has been stealing from me. He has taken money and my ATM card from my wallet and pawned more than $5,000 worth of my jewelry. Warren started a job recently, but he spends his pay within days.

I know I should kick him out or have him arrested, but as a mother, I keep hoping he'll change. Also, I don't want my son to have a record.

I don't think Warren is on drugs because he recently passed a drug test at work. I doubt therapy will work because he seems to have no remorse. I didn't raise my son this way, Abby. He's my child and I hate to lose him. What should I do? -- DISTRAUGHT MOTHER

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Unless your son is forced to face the consequences of his bad behavior, he is unlikely to change. By ignoring the thefts, you have enabled him to continue. I urge you to put a stop to it. Insist that he get therapy immediately, or he's out of your house. Without help, he will continue to steal from you and from others -- and it's only a matter of time until he winds up in prison, or worse.

DEAR ABBY: Astonishing! The day your follow-up to "B.J. in Georgia" appeared in our local paper was the day I learned I needed to have a colostomy. Many of my friends called me to see if I had seen the column.

I felt exactly the way "B.J. in Georgia" did -- no way was I going through with the procedure.

After reading the testimonials from your readers -- "Phil," "Glass," "Nancy" and "Laura" -- my fears were eased and I have decided to have the operation.

I want to thank you and your readers for helping me to make this most difficult decision. I have cut out your column and will refer to it any time I feel the need. -- EARL IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR EARL: I'm printing your letter so that all of the people who wrote to offer support will know their caring and generosity made a difference. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers, and all of us wish you a speedy and complete recovery.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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