DEAR ABBY: I caught one of my parents using my credit card without my authorization. I checked my credit report and found that four other accounts had been opened in my name without my permission. I am furious.

My first impulse was to seek legal action, but I held back. I come from a Chinese/Filipino family. It is considered a matter of family honor not to disgrace or embarrass one another.

I am torn between reporting it and just taking care of it. But if I take care of it, I am enabling my parent to think that I can just clean up the problem and be OK with it.

I sent a letter asking that the balances be paid off. It was ignored. My other relatives aren't willing to get involved. I love my parent very much, but this isn't right. It has already ruined my chances of having a car or home of my own. What should I do? -- DISCREDITED IN ROCKVILLE, MD.

DEAR DISCREDITED: Your parent is guilty of credit card fraud and should be confronted. If you already have, and got nowhere, then treat this like you would any other crime and report the perpetrator to the police. There are legal remedies you can take.

In case you feel you are alone with this problem, I'm sad to say you have a lot of company. It is important that you waste no time in getting this mess straightened out. Please do not for one moment feel guilty about breaching "family honor." That happened when your parent began to fraudulently use your identity.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Patty," recently married. She and her husband have just started college, so I understand that, between being a newlywed and a college freshman, she is very busy. We rarely see them now. The college is only 50 miles away, and you would think they could call occasionally and come home once a month on a weekend. I offered to let Patty call collect or allow me to provide a calling card for her.

She was active in sports in high school and we went to every game. She was also in a drama group and we never missed a performance. So why is Patty now avoiding us? What can we do to get the closeness back that meant so much to her father and me? -- LONESOME FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR LONESOME: You appear to be suffering from a combination of separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome. From your description, your daughter's calendar is, indeed, full -- between being a full-time student and a new wife, with all of the responsibilities that go with it. She might be inclined to stay in touch more if you backed off and stopped pressuring her.

You and your husband have done your job well. Your daughter has been "launched." Now it's time for the both of you to concentrate on your own interests, your own lives and your own marriage. If you do, you'll feel your daughter's absence less and be much happier and more fulfilled.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult woman who is only attracted to men of other races. I try to date men of my own race, but I can never find enough chemistry with them to have a long-term relationship. Is something psychologically wrong with me? -- LONELY IN ATLANTA

DEAR LONELY: Not from my perspective. "Chemistry" is a complicated thing, and rarely is it rational. However, if this is causing you serious problems, some sessions with a therapist might help you get to the root of it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's cousin, "Suellen," spends at least five hours a day at our house. She's unemployed, unmarried, and has few of the social graces. She shows up without calling, often stays long past our bedtime, and even horns in on vacations with us.

I have a 3-year-old and am pregnant with our second child. I also work from 9 to 4 and am usually exhausted by the time I get home in the afternoon. None of this means anything to Suellen.

She refuses to take a hint. I have often told her I need peace and quiet in the evening and how much I enjoy being at home with my own little family.

Today I'm not going to go home, because she's already called to say she'll be there. How ridiculous is that?

My husband won't say anything to his cousin even though I complain to him all the time. I don't want to be rude, but I don't understand how anyone can be as oblivious as she is.

Abby, what can I do? -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN ALABAMA

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Since your husband can't bring himself to do it, you must draw the line. It's possible that Suellen doesn't take the hint because she regards herself as family. Speaking out will not make you popular, but it may save your sanity. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son, "Warren," has been stealing from me. He has taken money and my ATM card from my wallet and pawned more than $5,000 worth of my jewelry. Warren started a job recently, but he spends his pay within days.

I know I should kick him out or have him arrested, but as a mother, I keep hoping he'll change. Also, I don't want my son to have a record.

I don't think Warren is on drugs because he recently passed a drug test at work. I doubt therapy will work because he seems to have no remorse. I didn't raise my son this way, Abby. He's my child and I hate to lose him. What should I do? -- DISTRAUGHT MOTHER

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Unless your son is forced to face the consequences of his bad behavior, he is unlikely to change. By ignoring the thefts, you have enabled him to continue. I urge you to put a stop to it. Insist that he get therapy immediately, or he's out of your house. Without help, he will continue to steal from you and from others -- and it's only a matter of time until he winds up in prison, or worse.

DEAR ABBY: Astonishing! The day your follow-up to "B.J. in Georgia" appeared in our local paper was the day I learned I needed to have a colostomy. Many of my friends called me to see if I had seen the column.

I felt exactly the way "B.J. in Georgia" did -- no way was I going through with the procedure.

After reading the testimonials from your readers -- "Phil," "Glass," "Nancy" and "Laura" -- my fears were eased and I have decided to have the operation.

I want to thank you and your readers for helping me to make this most difficult decision. I have cut out your column and will refer to it any time I feel the need. -- EARL IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR EARL: I'm printing your letter so that all of the people who wrote to offer support will know their caring and generosity made a difference. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers, and all of us wish you a speedy and complete recovery.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and had always attended the same school until last year, when my parents moved to another state.

After we got here, I met this cool guy, "Ted." We had a relationship until last December, when he and his family moved to another neighborhood and he had to change schools.

I never had a chance to tell Ted that I love him until three months ago. We met at a ballgame and I confessed. He said he loved me, too. I asked if we could be a couple again. He told me he couldn't deal with that right now because he has to concentrate on school before he deals with having a girlfriend. After he said it, I realized my grades should be my highest priority, too.

Two weeks ago, he called and asked me when we could have sex. I told him in six years, when I'm 21 and out of school. I think I'll be ready by then for that kind of a relationship.

Should he have asked me that question? And should I have agreed so quickly? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Considering that Ted isn't ready for a serious relationship, I'd say his question was extremely presumptuous. And you didn't "agree quickly." You handled the question intelligently, letting him know that as much as you care for him, you're not a pushover and your own priorities must come first. Although you said you'd consider it at 21, I have a hunch he was more interested in what he could expect on Saturday night.

DEAR ABBY: "John" and I started dating two years ago, when he was a college freshman and I was a junior in high school. He was my knight in shining armor.

A year into our relationship, we lost our virginity to each other. I have no excuse other than I was in love and believed that someday we would be married.

Six months ago, John suddenly broke up with me. He said he needed his "space." After three months, he changed his mind and wanted to get back together. He swore he wanted only me and nobody else. I believed him and forgave him.

Last week, I learned that while John and I were apart, he'd had sex with another girl -- an especially wild one who's had numerous lovers. I broke up with him immediately, but now I have a problem. I am experiencing some symptoms that could be an STD.

In my small town, everyone knows everyone. If I go to a local doctor, it'll be all over town before dark. It would shame my parents. I'm leaving soon to attend college several hundred miles from here. Would it be harmful to wait until I get there to see a doctor about what I'm afraid I have? -- BURNED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BURNED: If there is a Planned Parenthood office within driving distance of your community, contact it now. It is listed in the telephone book, and the people there will be glad to help you.

If there isn't one, call the Centers for Disease Control's national STD/AIDS hotline: (800) 227-8922. They may be able to refer you to a public clinic for a confidential evaluation. It's important that you not put this off because some STDs can lead to infertility and other problems if treatment is postponed.

DEAR ABBY: I am 51 and still single. Recently I learned that I have a heart condition, and the doctors predict I have only five to 10 more years to live. I am in a turmoil trying to decide if it's fair to continue dating. My friends give me conflicting advice. What do you think is fair? -- TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE IN OREGON

DEAR TO DATE: If you haven't already done so, get a second medical opinion about the prognosis. If it is valid, then I think you should live to the fullest the time the good Lord allows you. If you get serious with someone, be honest about your condition and make that decision together.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)