DEAR ABBY: After reading your column on how to ensure that bridesmaids' dresses match perfectly, I would like to offer a different perspective.

I married for the first time last June at age 47, and I did it on a very low budget. I would have paid for my bridesmaids' dresses had I been able to afford them, but it wasn't possible. My solution was to simply tell my closest friends to wear what they looked and felt good in -- preferably something blue.

One friend could only afford to wear the mauve dress from her daughter's wedding, so I changed my color scheme to a "rainbow" wedding.

On my wedding day, my bridesmaids were more nervous than I was. So, after they helped me into my white gown and veil, I put on a white baseball cap, blew a whistle and gave the following pep talk: "OK, team. We've trained long and hard for this day, and it's here. There's tension and obstacles, but let me ask you -- have we got the heart? (Yes!) The desire? (Yes!) Are we in this together? (Yes!) Then what're we gonna do? Win! Win! Win! Yea, team!"

I didn't care if things matched perfectly. What mattered was these were the people I cared about the most, people who had a special place on our special day and enjoyed themselves. And do you know what? Everyone looked fabulous! If I was outshined, that was OK. I still had the husband, bless his patient, enduring soul.

A lot of our guests said it was one of the best weddings and receptions they had ever been to. So things weren't exact -- big deal! -- IMPERFECT BUT HAPPY BRIDE IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR HAPPY BRIDE: I'm sure no one shined brighter than you on your special day. You were beautiful, both from without and within. Even more important than the color scheme, your priorities were in order. I wish you and your husband many happy years together, surrounded by the friends who love you.

DEAR ABBY: I have never seen this problem in your column. My husband and I have been seeing "Dr. Smith" for more than 10 years. We like him, but we're considering going to another doctor who was recommended by a friend. Dr. Smith does only cursory examinations. He doesn't ask enough questions or really listen to our complaints. Our friend says her doctor is very patient and thorough.

This is a very small town, and we run into Dr. Smith at the country club from time to time. We don't want to offend him or be uncomfortable when we see him.

Your advice will be appreciated. -- ALLAN AND KRYSTAL IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR ALLAN AND KRYSTAL: Change doctors if you feel you will receive better care. Your doctor may have such a full roster that he won't even miss the two of you. Please do not feel the need to apologize. Medicine is a business, and if Dr. Smith isn't customer-friendly, you are within your rights to seek care elsewhere. If you are asked why you felt the need to change doctors, tell him the truth. You'll be doing him a favor and helping to improve his practice for other patients.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Skylar," just started middle school, and she has fallen in with the wrong crowd. She walks around the house with a chip on her shoulder, wearing what looks to us like boys' clothes. She curses and lies, and she and her new friends have vandalized the girls' restroom four times. Her latest trick is to forge my signature on school papers.

I have discussed these problems with the school. They suggested counseling and therapy. What I want is advice on how to discipline Skylar for all the wrongs she has done.

How do I guide my daughter down the right path? -- UNABLE TO DISCIPLINE

DEAR UNABLE: Guiding a child down the "right path" involves more than discipline; it involves open communication and the assurance that he or she is loved. If Skylar were my daughter, the first thing I'd do is have her tested for drugs. If she tested positive, I would start her in a rehab program and possibly place her in another school.

If she tested "clean," I'd do exactly as the school suggested and get counseling and therapy for her. In fact, counseling for your entire family would be a good idea, because it appears that Skylar is not the only one who could use some help. Your parenting skills may need to be upgraded.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are concerned that his father may be in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. He's doing childish things like biting my daughter (only with his upper dentures, not his lower ones), hitting her, and getting mad when she "tattles" on him.

He can no longer remember simple things and even forgot to take my daughter to school one day. My mother-in-law keeps putting off talking to him, and says she'll do it "after the holidays," "after his birthday," then "after Father's Day" -- you get the picture.

We are worried that he will become worse and there will never be "a better time" to tell him. I want to talk to my father-in-law myself, but my husband thinks his mother should do it.

I don't want my 4-year-old to think it's OK to bite and hit, or that this is appropriate behavior for her to copy in preschool. -- TROUBLED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR TROUBLED: There are other dementias in addition to Alzheimer's. Your father-in-law should be scheduled immediately for a complete physical and neurological evaluation. Tell the doctor what you have told me. His behavior with your little girl is inappropriate, and if he is so impaired that he forgot to take her to school, he should not be behind the wheel of a car.

Please do not allow this to continue. Your first obligation must be the physical and emotional well-being of your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. This boy I like, "Terry," told me over the phone and the Internet that he thought I was "hot" and he loved me, but his best friend's brother, "Rick," told me different. Rick said that Terry hates me, thinks I'm ugly, and I should never call or e-mail him again.

Who should I believe? I'm really confused. -- HEARTSICK IN WAVERLY, OHIO

DEAR HEARTSICK: Tell Terry what Rick said. It's possible that Rick also likes you and wants you for himself, so don't be so quick to believe what he said.

Hold those calls and e-mails for a while. If Terry calls and e-mails you, the chances are he likes you. However, until you are absolutely certain about his feelings, be cautious about the way you respond to his e-mails and about what you say on the phone. It could prevent embarrassment later.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Ever since my last report card, my relationship with my mother has deteriorated. I got all A's and B's and have a 3.78 GPA. However, this isn't good enough for Mom.

My mother went to Harvard and doesn't understand why I can't get a 4.0. She has started telling me what a failure I am, that I am worthless and have ruined her life. I know she's probably saying these things without thinking, but it still hurts. She doesn't apologize after her temper dies down -- she just acts like everything is OK.

I don't think I deserve to be treated this way. When I try to talk to her about it, she turns it around and says I deserve this treatment because I am a failure. I'm really hurting and don't know what to do. -- SAD DAUGHTER IN MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR SAD DAUGHTER: I disagree with your mother. Although she may think she is motivating you to do better, telling a child that she is worthless, a failure, and that she has "ruined her life" is verbal abuse. Please talk to an adult relative or counselor at school about interceding on your behalf with your mother, because her standards are unrealistic, and her method is destructive.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 20 years to my high school sweetheart. He's a great father and a hard worker. He has always been good to me -- until a year ago when he came to me and confessed that he'd cheated on me with my best friend. I was devastated. The friendship was over, and I made my husband leave.

After things calmed down, we decided to try and work things out because we still loved each other and wanted to try -- not just for us -- but for our children.

I'm trying to pick up the pieces and trust him again, but there's a problem. His job takes him out of town for days at a time, and when he comes home, I'm always checking his cell phone and credit card bills for any sign that he's been unfaithful again. It's been more than a year, but I still don't trust him -- or anyone, for that matter. When he's home, we argue a lot.

The other day, he said, "Let's get the kids, take off for the weekend and renew our vows, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Our anniversary is coming up, but I thought it was an odd suggestion, given all our problems. I'm confused and deeply hurt and don't know what I should do. Can you help me? -- NO LONGER TRUSTING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO LONGER TRUSTING: Your husband suggested renewing your vows because he loves you and wants to make a fresh start. It's his way of trying to heal your marriage. However, what's ailing your marriage is the fact you no longer trust him and really haven't forgiven him for straying. Marriage counseling could help you both get past this. Once you have truly forgiven and are ready to make a fresh start, then renewing your vows is a wonderful idea.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and a cutter. I see a counselor and I used to be suicidal. I want to take medication so I can stop cutting, but I don't know how to tell my mom. What should I do? -- TROUBLED TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR TROUBLED TEEN: Since you feel unable to discuss the subject with your mother, the next time you see your counselor, ask the counselor to help you talk to her. If medication is indicated for your problem, I'm sure the counselor will be happy to facilitate the conversation -- or even talk to your mother for you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)