DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Cliff," is in prison and we're not sure when he'll be out. We have two wonderful children, ages 11 and 13. We are allowed to visit him six times a month and can talk with him on the phone up to four times a week. Despite his incarceration, he is as involved as he can be in our lives.

I have a problem when meeting new people who ask where my husband is. The stigma of having a husband in jail is not something I want to carry in the small town where we live. Plus, I don't think it is something our children's friends should know because they might taunt them.

As happens more times than we'd like to think in this country, my husband was wrongfully convicted, and the explanation is a lengthy one. So, short of telling each person the whole story, what reply can I come up with when asked the whereabouts of my husband? -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: You could tell your neighbors that you and your husband are having a "trial" separation -- but please be aware that the cat will be out of the bag the minute one of your children confides their father's whereabouts to a close friend. In a small town, there are very few secrets.

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and have lived in Texas all my life, until a few months ago when we moved to Las Cruces, N.M. My younger sister, "Janey," and I didn't want to move, but Mother met "Patrick" online and fell in love. We moved to Las Cruces so they could be together and get married someday.

I like Patrick because he's nice to us, but Janey and I don't get along with his daughter, "Rita." She is 15, and says we have stolen her time with her dad. She is jealous because he pays attention to us, and she can't have him all to herself.

Please tell me how I can let her know we're not stealing her father and that he still loves her. -- STRESSED IN LAS CRUCES

DEAR STRESSED: As much as you might wish to put Rita's fears to rest, the person who must reassure her is her father. Tell Patrick privately what you have told me. Or better yet, clip this letter and tell him you wrote it. If he's unable to allay his daughter's concerns, some sessions with a family counselor would be a wise investment.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 12 and starting to want to wear makeup. She is quite a tomboy and would rather play basketball than do "girly" things.

She wore makeup to the movies last weekend, and her father was very upset. He ordered her not to do it again. She tells me kids are making comments about her because she doesn't dress like a girl or wear makeup. Abby, I don't see anything wrong with her wearing it once in a while.

What's your take on this? Is her dad right, or am I being too easy? Is there a compromise? -- MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: Get a cold compress for your husband, because I have news for him. His little girl is growing up, and right on schedule. Now, I don't know how much makeup your daughter wore to the movies, but for someone her age to wear lip gloss and a little mascara is not unusual. Moderation is the key.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Double-Jointed in Dayton," who complained about how difficult it is to buy a bra, touched upon a subject that has been my pet peeve for years.

Why is it that if a woman wears a 32-A and really doesn't need to wear a bra at all, she has her choice of white, black, beige, navy, shocking pink and turquoise, as well as plaids, polka dots and leopard prints? But if a woman is a 42-D (or more) and requires a bra every waking moment, she has a choice of -- white.

The lingerie industry is missing out on a large (literally) part of its potential customer base. Sign me ... THE WOMAN IN WHITE, LONGPORT, N.J.

DEAR WOMAN IN WHITE: When I printed that letter, I thought I'd do it as a hint to the lingerie industry. Little did I know that the letter would hit a nerve with so many women. My cup runneth over ... Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While you're on the subject of bras, may I add my 2 cents? I want to tell you how inconvenient it is for large-sized women -- 200 pounds -- when our size is always displayed near the floor on the racks. Every store puts the small sizes at the top of the rack. Not only are the items we need hard to reach, but it's also hard to locate what I'm looking for while bent over. Thanks for letting me have my say. -- BETTY IN SAN JOSE

DEAR BETTY: I agree. It is shortsighted to expect all heavy-set women to be farsighted -- or limber.

DEAR ABBY: I am very slender and small-busted. Underwire bras hurt. Just try to find a 34-B that doesn't have underwires. -- BRA-LESS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BRA-LESS: Do what I do. Emancipate yourself by using a razor blade and removing the wires.

DEAR ABBY: When someone asks if there is a "Satan," I always respond, "Yes. Who else would have invented women's undergarments and shoes?"

Truly, the manufacturers have no concept of reality when it comes to brassieres. Those of us old enough to remember the 1950s know what real torture is. That was the day of the bullet-shaped bra! No wonder the first act of rebellion in the women's liberation movement was the burning of bras. -- RUTH L. IN FRESNO

DEAR RUTH L.: We don't have to look back to the '50s to remember those bras; all we have to do is rent an old Madonna video. She wore hers on the outside, no less, so no one could miss the point.

DEAR ABBY: I wish manufacturers would design something that fits real women instead of Barbie dolls. The strap adjustments are only the beginning of the problem. We women are not fooled for one minute as to why those sharp little hooks are always right in the dead center of our backs. We know it's to keep us gals from relaxing for even a minute. It's pretty hard to lean back and feel comfortable with those little devils fracturing your spine! I'm sure I'm not the only one complaining. -- DISGUSTED CUSTOMER

DEAR DISGUSTED CUSTOMER: You're not. And if the garment manufacturers are reading, here are a few other tips from well-endowed readers. They'd like wider strap options, straps with better support and no elastic, straps that are placed a little more to the center so they don't slip off the shoulders. Listen up!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ron" for 11 years. Throughout our marriage he has been unfaithful. We have three children under age 12. I work a minimum-wage job and have no family, nowhere to go, and no one to turn to.

A few months ago, Ron brought home a sexually transmitted disease, which he gave to me. I feel trapped, alone and terribly depressed. I realize the children must be sensing my tension and pain. As Ron is not physically abusive, I cannot go to a shelter, and this has taken a toll on my health and well-being.

Should I stay until I'm financially able to leave? Or should I flee now and hope for the best? -- LONELY AND SAD IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LONELY AND SAD: If you haven't already done so, contact your physician and be treated for the STD. Make a list of Ron's assets, as well as his Social Security, driver's license and bank account numbers. Next, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233. Although there may not be room for you at a shelter, they can help you formulate an "escape plan." Once that's in place, consult an attorney who specializes in family law. You've suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son was killed by a drunk driver. Garrett was hit at freeway speed as he got out of a disabled vehicle that had been blocked by a flatbed tow truck with its lights flashing.

The drunk driver went around the tow truck and never slowed down. He already had a prior DUI from seven years ago. From my research, the laws are too easy on these people. Offenders are getting five years, often reduced to one or two or community service, for taking an innocent life. The vehicle is their weapon. This should be second-degree murder, not manslaughter.

How can we get the laws changed? Whom do we contact to get results? It won't bring my wonderful, loving son back, but these verdicts are nothing but a slap on the wrist to the drunk drivers, and a slap in the face to families who lose their children. My son was my best friend. He had his whole life ahead of him. This man took it away because he made the choice to drink and drive. Please, Abby, help me make a difference. -- GRIEVING MOTHER, SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR GRIEVING MOTHER: I offer my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. One way to channel your grief would be to join a community of other grieving parents who are also determined to put more teeth into the punishment meted out to repeat offenders.

I recently became a member of the advisory board of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). It is a non-profit, grassroots organization that's a leader in the fight against drunk driving and underage drinking. Because of MADD, more than 2,300 anti-drunk driving laws have been passed, public awareness has increased, and thousands of drunk-driving victims have received assistance. With their help, you can work within your own community to change the laws regarding repeat offenders in your state. The toll-free number is (800) 438-6233, and the Web site is www.MADD.org. Call and you will receive the support you need.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)