DEAR ABBY: Every time I ask my friend, "Sally," if she wants to hang out, she says she has something else to do. A few weeks ago, she said she had to go out. About an hour later, while walking around the block, I noticed her car was there. I knocked on the door. Sally said she was getting ready to leave and besides she was on the phone. Does it take an hour to get ready to go out? I don't think so.

Sally and I have been friends since we were 4. I don't want to lose an old friend, but I'm not sure she really is a friend anymore. If she is, why does she keep ditching me? Should I consider her a friend? -- DITCHED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DITCHED: Consider her a friend, but a distant one. Not all friendships last forever. People change as they grow. Take the hint. Don't be a pest. Let her call you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 years old. A lot of times when I am feeling really happy and I'm talking to friends on the Internet, all of a sudden I feel a wave of sadness. And I remember bad things, like when my best friend died when I was little. But then I'll feel happy again. I don't know why this happens all the time. What do you think? -- BUMMED OR NOT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BUMMED OR NOT: Mood swings can be hormonal, especially at your age. However, since you were concerned enough to write to me, your next step should be to discuss the mood swings with your parents so they can schedule an appointment for a medical evaluation. There is probably nothing to worry about, but you should hear it from your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Lyle," and I have a 14-month-old child together. My two children from an earlier relationship and Lyle's son make up our family of six. Lyle and I make good money and we both collect child support from previous partners.

What bothers me is Lyle won't let me see his paychecks or combine our joint incomes in any way. I've asked if we could pool our money. On a monthly basis, I earn more than he does, so I don't understand his reluctance.

I'm not a compulsive shopper. I've never told him to give me the money. We even set up a joint checking account for tax purposes, but he refuses to put money into it.

Abby, I feel like I'm just a roommate who shares expenses. We split the bills down to the last penny, and he shops for "his" children separately. He won't even agree to put our insurance policies together, and we're with the same company! His answer is, "I've always done it this way."

Am I wrong? I always thought married couples shared things. I'm at my breaking point. Please help. -- FEELING LIKE A ROOMMATE, NOT A WIFE

DEAR FEELING LIKE A ROOMMATE: Nothing can be resolved until you and Lyle are able to communicate honestly. Marriage counseling could help to bring out the issues that need to be addressed. You feel "like a roommate" because you are being treated like one. Having been through one divorce, your husband may be afraid to commingle his assets with yours. (In other words, he may feel insecure about the durability of your marriage.) Since law is not my area of expertise, you would be wise to consult an attorney about how your husband's behavior could affect your future.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dental hygienist. It's an excellent career, and I've been practicing for nine years.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why so many people get into my chair and tell me they haven't brushed their teeth all day. Even worse, they'll say, "I just ate a roast beef sandwich, so you might find some chunks in there." It's disgusting.

Abby, how can I let people know they should brush their teeth before visiting a dental office? -- GROSSED OUT IN GROSSE POINT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: People already know they should have brushed their teeth before visiting you. Make it a practice to ask your patients when they arrive whether they have "had a chance" to brush their teeth. If the answer is no, smile, hand them a toothbrush and toothpaste, and tell them to go do it. At first, they may be taken aback, but it won't take them long to get used to the new drill.

DEAR ABBY: My husband started working the graveyard shift two months ago. It has been a hard transition for us, but even harder for our 11-year-old son, "Ryan."

For the past couple of weeks, Ryan has been overly concerned about someone breaking into our third-floor apartment while we're asleep. I've tried my best to reassure Ryan, but he keeps having nightmares about someone breaking into our place -- or my parents' apartment -- and harming or killing us. He wakes up screaming and crying.

Do you have any suggestions about how I can make him feel more secure? -- SLEEPLESS IN NEW WESTMINSTER

DEAR SLEEPLESS: It would be helpful to know what triggered your son's insecurity. Is he watching too much television? Is he playing violent video games? Has something happened at school or afterward that he is not telling you? Talk to your son. If the problem persists, take him to his pediatrician for evaluation -- and a referral to a psychologist, if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old woman with a new (unplanned) baby. Despite my husband's initial reservations, we both consider her a welcome addition to our lives.

We also have three older children, 25, 21 and 18. My doctor says I need time to adjust to all the recent changes in my life, but I believe there's a bigger problem.

Ever since the baby arrived, I have been overwhelmed with fear about aging. This is completely out of character. Some days, I can't even leave the house. I find myself pushing my husband away and neglecting the needs of the rest of my family. The only one getting the best of me is the baby.

My husband thinks I'm trying to do too much, that I should stop breast-feeding, get help around the house and "snap out of it."

My inability to communicate and be intimate with him is causing problems between us, and they are affecting the rest of our family. My husband has always been my best friend, but he can't understand how I feel these days.

I don't know how to climb out of this hole or what to do. Help! -- TRYING TO DO TOO MUCH

DEAR TRYING: Tell your doctor exactly what you have told me. You may be suffering from postpartum depression caused by hormone changes following childbirth. Please don't wait. Do it now.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a normal 13-year-old kid. I play soccer and the saxophone and am serious about both.

Lately, I'm noticing my mom's drinking. She threatens all kinds of things at night: no soccer, no sax, no social life. She gets argumentative and repeats herself. We've been getting into fights because she forgets things and says things she doesn't mean.

The other night, she grabbed and pushed me. When I told her to stop, she said she has nothing to lose, but I do.

Plus my dad is kind of timid, so he goes along with whatever she says. HELP! -- CRAZY IN COLORADO

DEAR CRAZY: Your mother's drinking is out of control, and her behavior is destructive. Your father probably hopes that if he ignores it, it will go away. Please clip this letter and give it to him. He needs to contact Al-Anon, and you should attend some Alateen meetings.

Alateen is a fellowship of young people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. An active adult member of Al-Anon serves as a sponsor for each group. The number for both Al-Anon and Alateen is (888) 425-2666, and the Web site for both is www.al-anon.alateen.org.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, my high school sweetheart and I linked up again at our class reunion. We live in different states. A few months later, I visited her. Two months after that, she came to visit me for a week. We got along great.

We talk constantly and are in love with each other all over again. Neither of us has children or other obligations. She has agreed to move here, get her own place for a while, and let nature take its course. I can't see myself without her.

Her friends think she might be acting too hastily. Do you think we need more time? We are both 38 and are ready to spend our lives together. What do you think? -- CONFUSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONFUSED: You are both adults. Since there is nothing keeping her in the town where she lives, I see no reason why she shouldn't relocate to yours. Her friends mean well, I'm sure, but they are not the ones who should be deciding whether her decision is too hasty, and I think they should butt out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Andre" since I was 12 and he was 13. We are now 26 and 27. Like any couple, we've had arguments. He's also cheated on me. We have three children. He also has four children with other women.

I am confused, Abby. We have a lot of trust issues. I have my guard up all the time. I love him. He was my first sexual partner. I want to get married, but I can't help thinking he's going to cheat again.

How can I learn to trust him totally? -- C.D. IN CHICAGO

DEAR C.D.: Being of sound mind and body, that would be impossible. Your boyfriend has proven at least four times that he is not trustworthy in the fidelity department. Thirteen years of this distrust and torture are enough already. If I were you, I'd talk to a lawyer, establish child support and let him go. He may be 27, but he still hasn't grown up.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)