DEAR ABBY: I have absolutely had it with some of my son's friends, and his girlfriend is no better.

I take my son and his friends places. The friends get into the car and never address me at all. It is like I'm invisible.

When the girlfriend calls, she asks for my son, but never asks me how I am doing or even says, "Hello, Mrs. Jones."

What is this world coming to? My children are not like that. People tell me how personable they are, and that they greet other adults courteously and with respect.

I have reached the point where I don't want my son to hang around with these kids, and I want the girlfriend gone.

Oh, by the way, the son I am talking about is a sophomore in high school. Any suggestions? -- SICK OF DISRESPECTFUL TEENS

DEAR SICK: Yes. Take the bull by the horns. The next time you're at the wheel and one of your son's friends gets into the car, say, "Hello, 'Johnny.' How are you?" Ask questions about school, sports, his parents. Break the silence and lighten the atmosphere. You're the adult -- make the first move.

As to the girlfriend -- it's possible that she hasn't been taught telephone manners. So be pleasant, and keep it light -- but let her know that the way to a young man's heart is not only through his stomach, but can also be through his mother, and that one way to impress his mother is to slow down for a moment and say, "Hello, 'Mrs. Jones.' How are you? May I please speak to your son?"

DEAR ABBY: I have a most embarrassing problem. My job requires me to make public appearances, and often I am "dressed to the nines." I admit, for dramatic purposes, I sometimes apply too much makeup. I have always been told I am beautiful, and I have even done some modeling.

Here's the dilemma: People think I am a man. Once I was cornered at a festival by an angry group of people who had been fired up by one drunkard's insistence that I was a drag queen. (Abby, I have children and I am definitely female.)

The first few times it happened, I tried to brush it off and regain my composure -- once I stopped crying. But lately, it is getting ridiculous. I am mistaken for a cross-dresser even when I wear very little makeup. At 5-foot-7 and 120 pounds, I'm hardly manly. A week doesn't go by without this happening.

My boyfriend says I should blow it off -- that people are jealous. My self-confidence is in the cellar and I'm at my wit's end. I have struggled with severe depression my whole life, and this isn't helping. A lot of the time I'd like to cower somewhere, but my job won't let me. Help! -- CRYING IN PHOENIX

DEAR CRYING: It's difficult to give you an answer sight unseen, but let's analyze this. Drag queens are often known for their flawless makeup and their flamboyant manner of dress. Could this be a description of you? If the answer is "maybe" -- then it's time for a fashion and image makeover.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a serious crush on the minister at church, and I suspect he has similar feelings for me. He is divorced and seems a little shy. Is there some code of ethics that a minister must follow about dating parishioners? I'm a Methodist. Please tell me what to do -- I'm crazy about him. -- CRAZY FOR THE REVEREND

DEAR CRAZY: There are specific rules that prevent clergy from becoming romantically involved with their parishioners. Those who break them are considered predators.

If you are serious about the minister, the first thing you should do is find another congregation. After that, call him, explain why you left his flock, say a little prayer and invite him to dinner.

DEAR ABBY: When I send out dinner invitations, I ask the guests not to bring anything but themselves. But without fail, my husband's mother and sister call him to say they'll be bringing added dishes plus dessert.

My husband, "Nick," refuses to tell them it's not necessary. He says they don't mean to offend and that I am being petty.

But they never ask me what I'm preparing, and their food always conflicts with what I'm serving. This last time, Nick even asked me to change the menu to complement the food they were bringing! Afterward, they asked me to wash their serving dishes and return them in a couple of days.

I have attended other family functions where I've noticed these in-laws did not interfere with the meals being served. I can't help but take it personally. I am very offended. What should I do? -- TIRED OF BITING MY TONGUE IN PA.

DEAR TIRED: There is no rule of etiquette that demands a host serve food that is brought by the guests. (This goes for wine, too.) It is considered to be a gift to the host. The next time Nick's mother and sister bring food after having been asked not to, transfer it to your own containers and put it in the freezer. Put their dishes into a hot soapy sink, and present them to their owners at the door when they leave. Then you and Nick can enjoy their gift at a later time -- or dispose of it if you choose.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 25 years. I'm in my early 40s and have three adorable children and a good life.

My problem is I cannot get my previous boyfriend out of my system. I long to see him, and when I do -- even a glimpse of him -- I feel the way I did when we were together years ago. I get nervous and tingly and jittery. I look for him wherever I go and dream of him often. It is always the same dream; we are getting married.

I have a good husband who doesn't drink or become abusive. We go to church, have a new house, two nice vehicles and just about everything I could want.

Do I need closure or do you think I still love him? I will always love him, I guess, even though I talked with him several years ago and he is completely different from when we dated. Do I need counseling or is this normal? -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: I suspect you are less in love with him than with the IDEA of him. He can do no wrong because it's all in your head -- the "perfect" love affair. If counseling will help you feel better, I won't discourage you. But I recommend that you also find a project or volunteer outlet on which to concentrate, because it appears you have too much time on your hands.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 18 and started a new job as a waitress in an upscale cafe. I love my job, but there's one drawback.

The other waitresses and I get hit on left and right by men in their 40s and 50s. I'm not talking about a few cute remarks but lewd suggestions and asking for our phone numbers. One girl even had to file a police report because a 61-year-old man kept coming by and waiting for her to get off work, even after she declined his invitation to go out.

Where does a man that age get the idea that he can get a girl who's still in high school? And how do we let them down without sounding rude or risking our jobs? -- GROSSED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Where does he get the idea? In his dreams, honey! How should you deal with it? Be friendly, be polite, and tell him that he reminds you of someone very special -- your grandfather.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Harry," and I are having a disagreement about proper etiquette. He says he doesn't have to open a door for me, only for his wife -- even though we are both females.

My boyfriend and I feel that the door should be opened for both women by the first male to reach the door.

Harry claims that he needs to open the door only for his wife because they are a couple, and my boyfriend should open the door for me. My boyfriend always opens the door for me and continues to hold it open for Harry's wife.

Who is right? -- LESLIE IN MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR LESLIE: You are. Harry should continue to hold the door until both women have entered or exited. To do otherwise is rude and thoughtless. I don't know who taught Harry his manners, but it appears he's a little rough around the edges and could use some polishing.

DEAR ABBY: How should I respond to my husband who constantly corrects me when I'm talking to friends and relatives? We can be talking about anything -- movies, weather, the day of the week we did something. And, according to him, I am always wrong. (FYI -- I am usually right.)

It's bad enough when he does it at home, but it's humiliating when we're out. I've tried talking to him privately about this, but he becomes defensive. Then I get the silent treatment.

I have reached my limit. Abby, what can I say to him that won't embarrass either of us or put him on the defensive? Any advice will be appreciated. -- ALWAYS WRONG ANYWHERE IN U.S.A.

DEAR ALWAYS WRONG: Loving spouses do not correct each other in public; they do it privately. Since you have spoken to your husband about this and he continues, recognize that he is insecure and trying to make himself look smarter/superior by making you look foolish. Most people recognize this ploy for what it is.

Nothing you can say to him about his behavior will make him less defensive. He's already on the defensive and it has nothing to do with you.

Marriage counseling might help him see how detrimental this is, and improve your level of communication. I wish you luck.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)