DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman with a colorful past. During college, I had flings with about a dozen men while I was in a long-distance relationship with "Michael." I was not mature enough to break up with Michael or to restrain myself, but I have accepted my past mistakes and moved on.

I have been married to "John" for more than two years. We have a monogamous relationship and I take my wedding vows seriously.

We argue all the time, and John throws my past in my face every time we have a dispute -- especially if we are arguing about sex. He says things like, "You sure liked having sex with all those other guys," or, "You must be getting busy with someone else since you're not interested in me tonight." John believes that because I cheated on Michael years ago that I'll cheat, or have cheated, on him, too.

John thinks that until I show remorse for my past, we will never get over it. I am sick of having my past thrown in my face and sick of apologizing for it. (Apparently an apology isn't remorse enough.)

In less than a month, we will be in his sister's wedding, and I don't want to fake a happy marriage.

John will not agree to counseling nor can we afford it. I don't like thinking this, but I feel emotionally abused. Please help. -- THE GHOST OF COLLEGE PAST

DEAR GHOST: Much as we might wish to, none of us can change the past. Mature individuals apologize to those they may have hurt and then incorporate the lessons they have learned into their present behavior.

Punishing you for what happened years ago serves no purpose and could be considered verbal abuse. Unless your husband can overcome his insecurity, bury the past and stop taking potshots at you, your libido will continue to wither and your marriage won't survive.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two years to the most wonderful woman. However, we have not yet consummated our marriage. She insists on living with her mother. I think it's because of the many terrible things her mother has told her about men and sex.

I am at the end of my rope. I am married, but not married, to the greatest woman on Earth. What do I do? -- UNCONSUMMATED IN KOREA

DEAR UNCONSUMMATED: Talk to the clergyperson who married you. Then talk to a lawyer. From my perspective, the relationship you have described is not only NOT a marriage but also may be grounds for an annulment.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I live in New York. Her mother sent my aunt, who lives in California, a bridal shower invitation.

My mother thinks it was a flagrant solicitation for a gift. My aunt can't afford multiple trips from coast-to-coast and will now most likely feel obligated to send a gift.

We say, it's only an invitation. We weren't looking for a gift, and we didn't want to leave anyone out.

Who's right? -- SOON-TO-BE-MARRIED GROOM

DEAR GROOM: Your mother. When a shower invitation is received by someone who realistically isn't expected to attend, the person usually feels he or she is being "soaked" for a gift. (And they're usually right.)

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the lady asking how to recycle her late husband's neckties. My daughter is a 16-year-old honor student who teaches Sunday school and volunteers at our children's hospital. She wears them as belts. -- PROUD MOM, CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR PROUD MOM: Your daughter is an original thinker. When I printed that letter, I had no idea there were so many uses for old neckties. Hundreds of suggestions poured in! Read on for a sample:

"I have a friend who made her prom dress completely out of men's ties she bought from Goodwill. They were sewn together vertically. It was really cool." -- JOY IN IRVINE, CALIF.

"She should cut the wide ends 18 inches to 20 inches long and sew them together at the long edges to make a colorful apron. The tapers will give it a nice flair, and the ends can be used for the waistband at the top and the strings at the back." -- CLARENCE B., CLEMSON, S.C.

"Two ladies in our church, St. Christopher Episcopal in League City, Texas, gathered old ties from the parish and made them into beautiful altar cloths for use during Father's Day services." -- O.H. STELTER JR., HOUSTON

"Old ties can be woven into beautiful, one-of-a-kind area rugs or wall hangings. Incorporated into clothing, they can become wearable art." -- JEANNE S., SOUTHERN SHORES, N.C.

"My aunt owned a gorgeous mandarin-style jacket, which she informed me was made entirely from old silk neckties. They were laid side by side, sewn together, then finished off with embroidery overstitching." -- DEBE, WILLOW GLEN, CALIF.

"She should use them to make a quilted Christmas wreath. It will become a family heirloom." -- GINI M., OSHKOSH, WIS.

"One of the most precious gifts I ever received was a Christmas stocking made for my 6-month-old daughter when her grandfather died. A very special cousin made it from some of his ties for her first Christmas. It's a family treasure." -- SHARON IN NEWBERRY PARK, CALIF.

"Here's an idea: With that many ties, she's bound to have a picture of Grandpa wearing some of them. Why not mount a picture of Grandpa wearing the tie in a frame along with the tie? It would make a wonderful keepsake." -- DAYNA IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS

"Discarded neckties can be used to make pot holders, table runners, teddy bears, pocketbooks, tote bags and more." -- HENNIE C., SPARTANBURG, S.C.

"How about using them to make Christmas tree skirts? Stitch them together in a circle with the points facing outward." -- CAROL P., SPARTANBURG, S.C.

"I use my husband's cast-off ties to make cases for my jewelry. Working with the wide ends, I cut them in 3-inch, 4-inch and 5-inch lengths and stitch them to form pouches. Then I fold the triangle tip down like the flap on an envelope and put a snap on the other side. Voila!" -- ANNA MARIA S., SILVER SPRING, MD.

DEAR ANNA MARIA AND THE HUNDREDS OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO WROTE TO OFFER IDEAS: The dear lady who wrote asking for ideas is sure to be overwhelmed with your clever uses for ties. (I certainly was.) And if she isn't handy with a needle and thread, she can sell them on eBay or donate them to a thrift shop, a homeless shelter or college theater department.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read your sound advice to "Addicted to Spending," the woman who racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. She said she couldn't sleep at night for fear her husband would divorce her when he found out. You were right that a credit counseling agency can provide valuable assistance, but she needs to be careful which one she selects.

The Internal Revenue Service oversees many credit counseling agencies because they are tax-exempt. We have received an increasing number of complaints that some of these agencies charge high fees, offer poor repayment plans, and provide little in the way of education and counseling.

We have stepped up our audits of credit counseling agencies and, where warranted, will revoke their tax exemption.

In addition, we have issued a consumer alert with the Federal Trade Commission and state regulators, warning consumers to check carefully before signing up with a particular program. A few tips:

(1) Beware of high fees or "voluntary" contributions.

(2) Carefully read any written statements before you sign, and make sure your creditors will work with the agency you want.

(3) Watch carefully the claims made in TV ads. -- MARK W. EVERSON, COMMISSIONER OF THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE

DEAR COMMISSIONER EVERSON: I know my tax dollars are being well spent when the highest collection officer in the land reaches out to help people with money troubles. Everyone has heard the phrase, "Let the buyer beware." ("Caveat emptor.") However, it is especially discouraging to think that people who are vulnerable and trying to move their lives in a positive direction would be victimized by predators.

No doubt many readers will thank you for the warning. (Readers, you can find the IRS commissioner's alert by visiting the Web site: www.irs.gov/newsroom.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for more than 20 years. My wife and I have been friends with a certain couple, "Claude and Maude," for 15 years. On New Year's Eve we all went out to dinner and a few drinks. I was the designated driver, so I did not drink. When we returned home, all three, my wife, Claude and Maude, proceeded to get trashed to the max.

Maude got sick and passed out; my wife went to bed. Claude and I sat up and watched the ball drop and a couple of other programs. I fell asleep about 1:30 a.m. and assumed that Claude would, too. Around 2:00 a.m., I got out of my chair and walked to my bedroom. Claude was sitting on the bed next to my wife, putting his pants on. My wife was passed out, so I don't know what happened. It has bothered me so much since then that I can't sleep and don't know what to do. If ever there was a reason for me to become violent, that was it, but I kept my cool.

The next morning, my wife could remember nothing at all. What do you think I should do? -- OUTRAGED IN HOLLYWOOD, MD

DEAR OUTRAGED: In view of the fact that a 15-year friendship is at stake, talk to Claude. It's possible that he was so loaded that he didn't know where he was, and nothing happened.

The best advice I can offer now is that Claude, Maude and your wife should all do something about their drinking. Let this serve as a wake-up call.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)