DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married on Valentine's Day. He is a wonderful man; we have been together for three years. It will be the second marriage for both.

I really like this man. He's funny, witty and kind. He loves me and my children, and they love him very much.

My problem is I do not feel that we're soul mates. Is this just a fantasy? What if I'm making another mistake? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't help feeling that since I don't feel butterflies after being with him for more than three years, something is missing.

Am I being silly or looking for something that does not exist? -- STILL LONELY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STILL LONELY: The thing about "butterflies" is, if you don't catch them and mount them, they tend to fly away. I often suspect that when people talk about butterflies, they are describing a mixture of anxiety and excitement otherwise known as infatuation –- which isn't permanent.

However, if you truly feel lonely when you're with this funny, witty, kind and likable man, after three years of dating, then he isn't the life partner for you. Let him go. It wouldn't be much of a marriage if you felt you were in solitary confinement.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in the summer. Everything is great except for one issue that is about to explode. I have two nieces, 3 and 8, who will be flower girls along with a third girl. My fiancee wants the girls to be taken to another room with a baby sitter after the ceremony and cocktail hour.

I fear an ugly scene because my older niece and I have a special relationship, and she loves weddings. My family would like her to stay for the reception.

It's the bride's day, of course, and I want her to have the wedding of her dreams. How should I handle this? -- GROOM-TO-BE WHO NEEDS HELP

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: Handle it firmly. The wedding is not only the bride's day, it is also your day. While I understand the wisdom of the small children being entertained separately, the 8-year-old should be mature enough to behave properly at the celebration. Since you want her there, she should not be excluded.

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old son is extremely sensitive. The kids in his class know it and love to pick on him. I've talked to his teacher, but she can't seem to catch them in the act.

I don't know what else to do. He is becoming depressed and eating less and less. I'm worried about him, but I don't know what to tell him to make him feel better. How can I help him? -- CARING MOTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOTHER: Get your son involved in outside activities and give him a chance to cultivate new friends who haven't been influenced by his classmates. This will also give him a chance to excel at something that interests him. Being bullied is something that can affect a person's self-image for many years. Some sessions with a counselor to help him build self-esteem may also be in order.

P.S. Most important, notify the school principal, who can and should implement a "zero tolerance" policy toward bullying.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man I'll call Ben for five months. He recently quit his job to go back to school full time (he's 29), and I support him financially. Things were fine until he started hanging out with some college kids who live next door to us.

When Ben and I are alone or around his adult friends, things are fine. But when he gets around these fellow students, which is often, Ben mocks me in front of them. For example, when I go next door to tell him dinner is ready, he'll start making fun of me in a really embarrassing and juvenile way.

I know it may be fun for him to relive his college days, but being made to look like a fool in front of his buddies is starting to wear thin.

I have discussed this with him. He insists that he's just playing around (even though I wind up in tears), and says that I'm too controlling, this is his only life, and he's only having fun.

Is this something he's going to grow out of? -- TIRED OF BEING THE JOKE

DEAR TIRED: Not without help. What you're describing isn't immaturity; it's hostility. You say you are supporting him while he attends school full time. Perhaps the burden of gratitude has grown uncomfortably heavy, so he's taking it out on you and trying to make himself look less dependent in front of his schoolmates. He could also be using you. Regardless of his motive, he is showing disregard for your feelings. Put your foot down now or it will get worse.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and my older brother, "Mike," cannot get along. To make matters worse, my sister-in-law, "Janice," is holding the children for ransom from my parents until they resolve their differences with Mike.

Abby, my parents have tried many times to reconcile, but it always blows up into a huge argument where nothing is resolved.

My sister and I feel stuck in the middle. Since my parents are denied their grandchildren, I feel guilty for having a relationship with my nieces and nephew.

They are all so stubborn, and it's tearing our family apart. What can I do? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Why should your nieces and nephew lose their aunts because of the inability of the parents and grandparents to make peace in the family? Please don't make your parents' problems your own. Forget the guilt and see the children.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been supporting a man for the last nine months. So far he has given him a house, a $6,000 truck and has paid all of his bills.

I went away for a week, and when I came back, I found this man in my house. What do I do? -- WONDERING IN UTAH

DEAR WONDERING: First, ask your husband what his relationship is with this man, and why he is being so generous. Does he owe this person a debt? Are they lovers? If his answers don't satisfy you, consult a lawyer before all the assets are depleted.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old son, "George," has a learning disability. I have to fight the school system to keep teachers from destroying his self-esteem. However, an even bigger problem is that my mother and my sister's boyfriend, "Tony," say cruel things to George.

Mother gives George a hard time because he won't try to read. I constantly tell her that he struggles hard to read, but doesn't comprehend what he's reading -- and it may never get better. Tony ridicules my son because he's a little overweight. How can I give George healthy self-esteem if others tear it down?

I also have a problem with the way Mother and Tony treat my 13-year-old daughter, "Allison." Allison is a tomboy who doesn't like to wear dresses. She prefers baggy clothes. She is a good kid. She's not into drugs, alcohol or sex. Mother berates her for not looking "like a lady," and Tony calls her a lesbian.

I hate to keep my children from seeing my mother or my sister, but it has reached the point where neither George nor Allison wants anything to do with them. How should I handle these so-called "loved ones" without starting a major war? -- MOM OF WONDERFUL CHILDREN IN INDIANA

DEAR MOM: As a parent, it is your job to protect your children and to act as their advocate. If you haven't done so, tell your mother and your sister's boyfriend that their name-calling is destructive and you want it stopped immediately. If they refuse, distance yourself and the children from their painful and abusive influence. Remember, your first obligation is to your children -- not your mother, and certainly not Tony.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a man who limits his social life to our relatives and me. That makes it very difficult for me to enjoy my own pursuits. When I want to go out, I have to give my husband a good reason and tell him every detail.

I invite him to movies and dinners out, but he's never interested. I try not to keep secrets from him, but I've reached the point where I feel like rebelling against his control.

It's wonderful that he loves to spend time with me, but I believe all couples require some outside interests and friends to maintain a balanced life. We've been together four years and were married last summer.

Is there any way to overcome these issues? -- MARRIED TO A CLINGING MAN

DEAR MARRIED: Yes. Marital counseling for both of you -- before he smothers you completely.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl who looks much older than my age. When older guys see me, they think that because I look 18, I must be 18. They don't believe me when I tell them my age. Some of them don't even care.

How do I get them to leave me alone? -- LOOKS 18 IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOOKS 18: It's not hard. After you tell them you are only 13, if they persist, ask them, "Have you ever heard the word 'harassment'?"

If that doesn't discourage them, tell them your mother is very familiar with the word, and if they don't leave you alone, you'll tell HER they're harassing you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)