DEAR ABBY: My husband hurt his back in 2000. Ever since, it has gotten worse. He takes enough pain pills and muscle relaxers to kill a horse.

Most of the time he is so out of it I can't talk to him. When I try, he gets mad and says I don't understand. I do understand, because I have been here since he got hurt.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I love him, but I can no longer live like this. I also don't want my kids to see him like this anymore. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to the doctor who has been prescribing these medications about the debilitating effect they are having on your husband. There comes a time when most people have to wean themselves off habit-forming drugs -– and it appears your husband is overdue. In fact, it may be time for the doctor to refer your husband to a pain specialist who can help him learn alternative methods for dealing with back pain. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: This year my in-laws sent me a peek-a-boo nightie with thong panties for my birthday. I've met them only once.

I am shocked that they sent a gift like this to me. They have never sent me a birthday gift before (and I am not complaining). But I do not wear thong underwear.

Obviously, I will thank them for thinking of me. But how? And how can I tactfully suggest that they not send me something like this in the future? -- SHOCKED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHOCKED: Try this: "Dear Folks, thank you for remembering me on my birthday. I admit I didn't expect to be thought of in quite that way by my husband's parents! With love, your blushing daughter-in-law."

DEAR ABBY: My mom was running an errand at a local farmers' market and left my dad in the car. When she returned, four people were standing outside the car waiting for her. They had tried to tell my dad that the car had a flat tire. When he didn't respond, they waited for Mom, and then changed the tire for her.

What they didn't know was that my parents were on one of their first outings since Dad's colon cancer surgery a few weeks before. The prognosis wasn't good. My dad's Alzheimer's disease had also spiraled downward. Mom is now sole caregiver because most of their kids live far away.

That those strangers went out of their way to help her and perform an act of kindness meant more to her (and me) than they'll ever know.

I hope they read this and know how much their help meant. I also hope that others will see that a single act of kindness can be a precious gift that's never forgotten.-- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: You've said it very well. A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pool of water. The ripples spread far beyond the point of impact. Thank you for the timely reminder.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Shot in the Heart," a 17-year-old young man who was in love with a 15-year-old "girl of his dreams." His 18th birthday was approaching, and he was worried that he and his girl would have to separate because he would be an adult. He asked if there was anything he could do.

You advised that because his girlfriend's parents had not yet objected to the age difference, they probably would not -– and told him to talk to them.

Abby, although your answer had merit and was logical, our laws are not always so.

In this country there are thousands of boys in prison who had this same problem. If he has intimate relations with her, which could be as simple as kissing and touching, he could find himself in prison. The girl or her parents could have a change of heart. All it would take is for them to call the police.

There are many cases of parents allowing their daughter's boyfriend to spend the night, only to report the boy to the authorities later. -- EX-CORRECTIONAL OFFICER WHO HAS SEEN IT ALL

DEAR EX: Thank you for an important letter. The implications are chilling. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Shot in the Heart's" story is a familiar one. Let me tell you what happened to my sister-in-law's nephew, "Nicky."

When Nicky was 17, his girlfriend, "Andi," was 15. Andi's parents liked Nicky and were fully aware of her sexual relationship with him.

Andi was still 15 when Nicky turned 18. Then Andi got pregnant. When she told her parents the news (she felt she had very cool parents and could tell them anything), they filed charges against Nicky because he was now an adult.

The outcome? The ruling of the court was that for the rest of Nicky's life, no matter where he moves, he will be required by law to register as a sex offender. (He is also forbidden to have any contact with Andi, whose parents made her get an abortion.) The law enforcement agency that Nicky registers with is legally required to send out fliers letting Nicky's new neighbors know that a sex offender has moved into their area.

This will follow Nicky for the rest of his life. Everywhere he goes, people will regard him as a sick and evil person. They won't bother to find out the specifics of what occurred.

"Shot in the Heart" needs to consider his future, get counseling, and above all, realize that it could happen to him!

Please Abby, spread the word. People need to be aware. -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FURIOUS: That girl's parents were as much at fault for what happened as the young man was. That they would turn on him, and that he must now carry the label of "sex offender" for the rest of his life, is wrong.

I have two letters on my desk from men responding to the letter from "Shot in the Heart," relating that they have been happily married for 48 and 50 years, respectively. One man was 22 and the other 18 when they fell in love with their wives, both of whom were in their early teens. However, that was long ago, and times have changed.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and have been with "Mike" for four years. We became engaged a year ago. This is my first and only long-term relationship. Mike is kind, loving and would do anything for me.

In the beginning I was in love with him, but now I realize that I'm not ready for a serious commitment, especially since I've had no experience dating anyone else. I stopped wearing my engagement ring because I'm not sure I'll ever marry him.

When Mike asked me about the ring, I said, "I bought it, so I can choose when to wear it." (Mike didn't have credit, so we used my credit card, and I make the monthly payments.) I began thinking, "What if?" when another guy I know told me I was cute and asked for my phone number.

I care about Mike and don't want to hurt him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. How can I end this without starting World War III in our families? My parents love him more than they love me, and when he and I argue, I get a guilt trip from them and feel like I have to apologize to him and make everything better.

Sometimes I wish he would break up with me and move out so I don't have to be the one to do it. Mike says I treat him like dirt. Could I be doing it subconsciously? Abby, please help. I want out. -- IN OVER MY HEAD

DEAR IN: What Mike is interpreting as being treated like dirt is your effort –- conscious or otherwise –- to distance yourself from the relationship. It is not abusive to admit that you have made a mistake. The time has come for you to level with Mike and your family, and to tell them plainly that you are not ready for a permanent commitment.

I don't know which of you signed the lease on your dwelling, but the one who didn't should move. And let this be a lesson to you. It appears you were so desperate for commitment from Mike that you were willing to pay for your own engagement ring. So don't blame Mike, and don't blame your parents. You got yourself into this fix, and it's time to accept your responsibility and put things right.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old male, and I have this problem telling the truth. I lie mainly about my grades. I am a good student, but I just don't put forth a lot of effort.

I got a progress report the other day and was failing Spanish with a 67. When my dad asked about my grades, I told him I had gotten a 70 in Spanish because that is a passing grade. When he saw the report, he yelled at me. He was disappointed about the grade but even more so about the lie.

I feel comfortable telling my mom the truth because she and I are really close. But I can't seem to tell my dad the truth, ever. I don't know why. I don't know how to stop lying. Please help me, I'm begging you. -- PINOCCHIO

DEAR PINOCCHIO: You and your father need to work on your relationship. He doesn't trust you because you lie. You lie because you don't trust him enough to honestly discuss your difficulties. Clip this letter, show it to him and tell him you wrote it. You and your father could both benefit from professional counseling to improve your level of communication and resolve your trust issues.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)