DEAR ABBY: My mother and dad had a full and happy 62 years together. She died last year.

While going through her things, we found several old diaries that Mother kept until a few months after marrying Dad (from ages 15 to 21).

Well, Dad read them and saw that Mom had dated a lot of men before they married, even one of his best friends. She wrote that there was also another man she wanted to marry, but he had a girlfriend in another town, and it was not to be. Apparently Dad had been unaware of it.

Dad was devastated. Now he's telling all his friends how wild Mom was. This, after 62 years of devotion, love and two children.

The purpose of my letter is to warn diarists to please destroy any writings not meant for others to read. Get rid of them! Dad is 85 and brokenhearted. -- SAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SAD: Your point is well taken. However, someone needs to tell your father to stop feeling sorry for himself and to remember the good times.

If he's worried about his deceased wife's past, the truth is, she didn't have much time for one. It's time to end the pity party and dwell on the positive.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Rose," has had a boyfriend, "Jason," for nearly a year. He is 12. I just found out they've been having sex, and I'm putting Rose on birth control.

Jason never spends much quality time with her. I try to tell her that he is young and not ready for a serious relationship, but she doesn't hear it. My heart aches when I hear Rose crying on the phone because they're arguing.

Rose revolves her life around Jason. She doesn't want to do anything with me or her friends anymore. Her attitude has changed tremendously, and she is losing interest in school. I have asked Rose to sign up for some kind of activity. She refuses. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- WORRIED MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MOM: It's time to assert yourself. Rose and Jason are both too young to be having sex or even an exclusive relationship. It is up to you to help your daughter understand that as much as she might wish it, Jason is unable to give her the attention and commitment she's craving. You didn't mention if there is a father in your daughter's life. If there isn't, perhaps another adult male in the family can help.

Family counseling for you and Rose could be helpful. It will help to reopen the avenue of communication between you. Her priorities are seriously out of whack, and you are not reaching her. At this age, she should be developing social and intellectual skills.

CONFIDENTIAL TO BETRAYED AND BROKEN IN BALTIMORE: Dry your tears and stop blaming yourself. What goes around, comes around. This quotation says it all: "When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A while back you listed clues to look for if you suspected your husband of being unfaithful. I'd like to add to that list: a bronzed body from a tanning salon.

My husband, "Jerry," and I are called the "ideal" couple. We're both physically active and in good condition. We've been married 46 years.

Jerry brings me coffee, fruit and the newspaper in bed every morning. He has also seduced, or tried to seduce, my sisters, some of my closest friends and business associates.

When I confront him, he tells me that I have a problem and that I need help -– not him! I am in therapy in order to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

Please print this list again for those who might have missed it. -– SUSPICIOUS NO MORE

DEAR SUSPICIOUS NO MORE: You are a strong lady. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions about your future. I'm also pleased you're getting professional support, because therapy can be helpful regardless of age.

And now, the list:

(1) A sudden change in manner of dress and grooming.

(2) Secretiveness.

(3) Unexplained absences.

(4) Unfamiliar charges on credit card or phone bills.

(5) Hang-ups on your home phone.

(6) More business trips than usual.

(7) Stops confiding in you or asking your advice.

(8) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you.

(9) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either knew about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

(10) Refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.

(11) Carries condoms even though you are on the pill.

(12) Deletes incoming phone numbers from caller ID.

(13) Leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Speedstick.

(14) Becomes accusatory, asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

(15) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

(16) Buys himself new underwear.

(17) Insists that the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

(18) Stops wearing his wedding ring.

(19) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

(20) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

(21) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his neck or back.

(22) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

(23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

(24) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

(25) Has a sudden preoccupation with his appearance.

(26) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

(27) Works long hours on weekends, but is never at his desk to answer the phone. Then calls back later with a reason, such as, "I was working in the conference room where there is more space."

(28) Has lots of "emergency errands." Then comes home empty-handed, saying, "They didn't have what I needed."

(29) And the telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask the question in the first place. Listen to your gut!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive and intelligent woman from India. I have high moral standards. I live with my parents in America and have a good job. Last year some relatives told me that for the past two years my parents have secretly been planning my wedding to a man named "Rashid." I have never met Rashid because he lives in India, nor have my parents said one word to me about this marriage plan.

I have learned that Rashid is divorced with four small children. I have also learned that he thinks he's God's gift to women. He has a high school diploma and runs a small business that my family owns. He is a womanizer who lives with his "secretary," but tells everyone she is "only a friend." (She's expecting his twins.) He has told everyone at the business that he's going to America to marry the owner's daughter. His secretary has told everyone that I was "too old" for him, and that she's the one he really wants.

My parents are unaware of all these facts and think Rashid would be a good husband. I have no interest in planning a future with a man of loose morals. I want my parents to stop planning this marriage. I want to date other men, but my parents have discouraged me from doing so. What should I do? -- WANTING MY FREEDOM IN THE USA

DEAR WANTING MY FREEDOM: I don't know what is holding you back. You should be sharing these important facts with your parents instead of me. They may think Rashid is a prize, but he sounds more like a booby prize to me.

Four children from a previous marriage and two on the way are a lot to take on, let alone to swallow. Although there have been many successful arranged marriages, this one seems doomed from the outset.

If your parents still insist on this marriage, you may have to emancipate yourself from them.

DEAR ABBY: I am so sad. I am only 13 and thinking about killing myself. People have told me that it's just my hormones and that is why I'm so moody all the time.

Both my parents suffer from depression. They say it is hereditary. So, Abby, do you think it is my hormones or depression? Please answer as soon as possible. -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Many teenagers have mood swings. But with a family history like yours, they shouldn't be ignored or minimized. The person who should answer your question is your family physician. It is true that depression can run in families, and if your depression has lasted more than two weeks, you should get a medical evaluation. Please don't wait to ask your parents to schedule one.

DEAR ABBY: Are you aware of any organizations, projects, etc. that could make use of men's neckties that were made between 1946 and 2001? I've saved more than 50 of my late husband's ties and can't bring myself to throw them away. -- CAN'T THROW AWAY TIES

DEAR CAN'T: Why should you divest yourself of this treasure trove? How about mounting them in a decorative collage or two? If that doesn't appeal to you, consider using them to create a one-of-a-kind quilt. I'm sure the fabrics are not only gorgeous but collector's items as well. Readers, any more ideas?

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)