DEAR ABBY: My son, "Sean," is only 13, but he will be attending his best friend's funeral. "Frank" died by his own hand. Apparently he had told many of his friends that he was going to kill himself, but no one took him seriously.

I am writing in the hope that my letter will alert children and adults that children and adolescents sometimes mean it when they threaten suicide. I pray parents will instruct their children to ALWAYS tell an adult if one of their friends talks about suicide. I have done that now, but unfortunately it is too late to help Frank. -- GRIEF-STRICKEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR GRIEF-STRICKEN: Please extend my deepest sympathy to the parents of your son's friend. And thank you for giving me the chance to point out that threats of suicide, and repeated comments about suicide, can be symptoms of serious illness and should be taken seriously. Many young people are reluctant to "rat" on their friends, but when it comes to talk of suicide, experts say that keeping a secret can result in losing a friend. Skilled professional help is needed for intervention.

Professional counseling should also be made available to the survivors of the suicide -- and that includes family members and friends -- to help them cope with their own feelings of guilt and depression.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I retired from my teaching job so I could travel with my husband, "Bill," on his international business trips. At the time, Bill earned a very high salary. Since then, Bill has been laid off and has taken an early retirement. He now putters around the house, painting the shutters, working in the yard and thoroughly enjoying himself.

This is not the life I expected, and I am becoming increasingly depressed. I was never much of a housewife and wouldn't have left my job had I known this would be the outcome. I have a part-time job in a dress shop, but it's hardly a challenging career. I want to travel. I want to have fun.

We have a net worth in excess of $1 million, but Bill has always been concerned about our finances and wants to manage them so that we can set up college funds for our grandchildren, leave a substantial amount to our children, and budget $7,500 a year for vacations, including trips to visit family. This doesn't leave much.

If I tell my husband how I feel it will hurt him terribly. What should I do? -- RELUCTANTLY RETIRED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR RETIRED: Before you become more depressed, have a frank talk with your husband. Explain that you were not prepared for his early retirement. It may be time for you to return to teaching on a part-time basis or to find another job that will enable you to earn the kind of money you need to travel more extensively. If your husband doesn't want to go, there are travel clubs and tours for "singles."

You and Bill also need to reach a meeting of the minds about how money should be allocated. If you can't manage to agree, then the two of you should seek professional counseling. Please, don't put it off. Disagreements about money have destroyed marriages.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our 32-year-old daughter was raised in a home with traditional values. She was excited when she got engaged last February to the fellow she was living with. We began making wedding plans.

Her interest in the wedding began to wane. On a recent visit she stated that a marriage certificate was just a piece of paper, and they don't need to be married to be committed to each other or to have children. Her fiance told us that giving their children love would be enough.

We don't understand why she changed her mind about marriage in such a short period of time. They are talking about having children, so please answer soon. What can we say to make her see the importance of traditional family life? -- WORRIED MOM, ROSWELL, GA.

DEAR WORRIED: You are overdue for a frank talk with your daughter. Why on earth is she planning to have children with someone she wouldn't want to marry?

A marriage certificate is far more than a "piece of paper." Your letter brings to mind one that appeared in this column in 1996. Its message bears repeating. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many couples who live together without marriage say, "We don't need a piece of paper to make our commitment to each other binding. A piece of paper doesn't mean a thing!"

WRONG! May I point out that when a person buys an automobile he had better have that "piece of paper" or he could be in a lot of trouble.

Also, a driver's license may be "just a piece of paper," but you'd better not be caught driving without it.

When a person buys a home or any other piece of property, he makes sure that he has that "piece of paper."

And when a person graduates from high school, college or trade school, that "piece of paper" can make the difference between getting a job or not getting one.

We live our lives with pieces of paper, beginning with a birth certificate and ending with a death certificate. And let's not forget the will -- another very important piece of paper.

So, when I hear people say, "A piece of paper doesn't mean a thing," I'm reminded of the classic adage, "Ignorance is bliss." -- PAPER IS PROOF

The signature says it well. A marriage certificate is written proof that a couple is officially one unit, with legal protections and benefits for spouses that single people do not enjoy. These include rights of inheritance, the ability to hold title to community property, health insurance benefits, and later in life, Social Security benefits. There is also the psychological benefit for all concerned.

If something were to happen to the father of her children, with no marriage certificate, your daughter and the children would be left with nothing -- no voice regarding his medical treatment, no claim to his body.

I'm all for "romance," but when children are being considered, it's time for a dose of practicality. Please urge your daughter to rethink her position.

DEAR ABBY: I am director of client relations at Genelex, an accredited DNA testing lab. In your Amber Alert column, you recommended that parents "keep a sample of DNA, such as several strands of hair" for identification purposes in case the child is kidnapped.

Strands of hair are good for DNA testing only if the root is intact. Chances are that if it were needed, no DNA could be recovered from several "strands" of hair. A more effective way to collect DNA is to utilize a cheek swab, using a kit that is available through many police stations. A full DNA profile can also be run in advance through a DNA testing lab. -- KRISTINE ASHCRAFT, SEATTLE

DEAR KRISTINE: Thank you for enlightening me. Parents, please take note.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: If you haven't already started, it's time to compile those Christmas lists. Every year I am asked to suggest thoughtful gifts for seniors -- especially those living on a fixed income.

First, a gentle warning: Unless you are sure it is welcome, do NOT send cologne, aftershave or scented bath powder. Scents are highly personal; not every perfume works on every person.

Never give a pet to anyone unless you have made absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.

Unless you're sure they imbibe, refrain from giving alcoholic beverages to people. Also, while candy, nuts and holiday confections make beautiful gifts for those who are not counting calories, show compassion for those who must, and lead them not into temptation.

Many folks on fixed incomes would welcome a gift basket of goodies. Include small cans of tuna, chicken or stew; assorted flavored instant coffee and herbal teas; soup mixes, crackers, cookies, nuts, dried fruit and hot breakfast cereal. Or, fill their freezer with frozen home-cooked meals that can be microwaved in minutes.

Gift certificates can be a godsend. Give them certificates for groceries, haircuts, manicures, pedicures, massages, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, video rentals and department stores. Tickets make great gifts -- to movies, concerts, the opera, a play (could be at a local community theater) and sporting events.

Homemade coupons for "Honey-do's" ("Honey, do this -- and honey, do that") make thoughtful presents: Create some that are redeemable for chores such as window washing, painting, gardening, washing, waxing and car detailing, replacing light bulbs, cleaning ceiling fans, changing air-conditioning filters, moving heavy furniture for spring and fall cleaning, and transportation for shopping or doctors' visits, etc.

Because not all seniors drive, bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis can come in handy.

Prepayment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility. Then let the recipients know they have that "extra" money to spend as they wish. We all know medications are notoriously expensive. A gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would also be much appreciated. (Trust me on that!)

For pet owners, remember their furry, four-legged family member with a treat -- a can of dog or cat food or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy. (They'll lap it up!)

A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a gift that keeps on giving. Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photographs, are welcome, as are large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.

Give a small radio or remote-control television, if finances permit. A cordless phone or answering machine makes a practical gift as well.

Other suggestions: a cuddly robe, slippers or socks with nonskid soles; sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes; stationery -- and be sure to include felt-tipped pens and lots of stamps.

And remember, the holidays can be a sad time for people who are alone. If you know someone who could use an outing, give that person the most thoughtful gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family. Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. The greatest gift is a gift of self.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)