DEAR ABBY: I am in my early teens and have mood swings. I assume everybody has them, but I have had mine nearly every day for the past five months. One minute I will be laughing about something, the next minute I get "down in the dumps." I can feel happy and sad at the same time.

I haven't told anybody about how I feel -- not even my parents. I need to know if this is a real problem, or if this is a part of "growing up." Please help. -- CONFUSED ALABAMA TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You are at an age when there are massive changes occurring in your body chemistry. What you have described can sometimes be caused by hormonal shifts.

However, it is important that you communicate your feelings to your parents and discuss your mood swings with them. From my perspective, they are definitely a part of growing up. But if they continue to trouble you, an appointment with your family doctor should be scheduled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mack," and I have seven children. I was a stay-at-home mom while they were growing up. Mack worked in the oil fields. An accident in the fields put him in a wheelchair and now I work while he stays home.

Mack was told he would never again feel anything from the waist down, but he has been fortunate to have regained the use of everything except his left leg.

My problem is, while I am at work, Mack gets drunk and trashes the house. I have tried talking to him about it, but he gets defensive. He says I don't tell him what needs to be done so he doesn't do it. I feel he should look around and do what he knows needs to be done. How do I get him to cooperate? -- STUCK IN TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: Before your husband can do an effective job around the house, he will have to sober up. Please encourage him to get help for his drinking. The cause might be depression, frustration or anger that he is no longer the primary wage earner and is stuck at home doing what he perceives to be "woman's work." Counseling can help. And an AA meeting is as near as the phone book.

Once Mack has dried out enough to be lucid during your working hours, I recommend you give him a list of the things that need to be done around the house. It's a lot more helpful than giving him an argument later.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Wylie" for 3 1/2 years. Eight weeks ago, he gave me an engagement ring. I immediately shared the news with my friends. He, on the other hand, has told no one about our engagement.

One of the people I told went to Wylie and said, "I heard you're getting married." (He was going to congratulate him.) Wylie responded, "No. Maybe later."

When I heard about it, I asked my man, "Aren't we engaged?" He said yes.

Could he just be leading me on? -- FEELS LIKE A FOOL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FEELS: Watch out for wily Wylie. If he denies to others that your engagement is for real, it isn't. Only a cad would behave that way.

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DEAR ABBY: I am the third woman in my husband's life. "Don" had two loves before me. Last week, his first love, "Kristin," called him out of the blue and told him she'd had a horrible dream about him. She said she had awakened sobbing, convinced he had been severely injured or was in some kind of trouble. Kristin went on to say that she had looked him up on the Internet after her dream, and lo and behold, she'd discovered that he works only blocks away from her. She asked him to have lunch with her.

My sixth sense is usually excellent -- and it is screaming that this gal is on the prowl. Her third marriage is shaky, and I believe she has my husband in her sights. Don disagrees. He says I should trust him; he hasn't seen her in 40 years and it would be a harmless lunch.

I say he would be starting down a slippery slope.

Don and I have been married 20 very happy years. Even though I trust Don that nothing physical will happen, I'm afraid old feelings will be rekindled.

Am I unreasonable in asking Don not to see this woman? -- SCARED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SCARED: There is nothing unreasonable about telling your spouse that the sudden appearance of his first love has made you feel vulnerable. It's honest communication. According to my mail, it is not unusual for old flames to flare up again.

According to professor of psychology Dr. Nancy Kalish -- author of "Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances" -- such romances are wonderful for single, divorced and widowed men and women. The success rate for them is high, 72 percent overall.

However, in her original sample of more than 1,000 men and women, more than one-third of the reunions began while at least one of the people was married to someone else. Her ongoing research since the advent of the Internet and reunion Web sites reflects that that percentage has more than doubled. It should be noted that these people were not always "looking for trouble." What began as an innocent contact simply didn't remain that way. Half of those who said they'd had affairs said they'd had happy marriages and would never have cheated with anyone other than the person from the past.

Conclusion: Married men and women should know the risks before contacting an old love.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago I lost my wife of 18 years to cancer. I now feel ready to test the waters and begin dating. My problem is I don't know where to begin.

I am in my mid-40s, in good physical shape, and financially comfortable. However, my circle of friends is small, and Internet chat rooms and singles bars have no appeal for me.

Have you any suggestions for someone who wants companionship but doesn't know where to look? -- SINGLE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SINGLE: The more people that know you are eligible and looking for a serious relationship, the quicker you will meet someone. Start letting people know that you are now ready to begin dating. Make a list of things that interest you -- anything from cultural events, politics, charitable causes, bowling, square dancing, etc. -- and get involved in some of them. All of them provide opportunities to meet new people.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr.

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DEAR ABBY: I was shocked when I read your reply to "Alone and Terrified," the teenage girl from Columbus, Ga. She had just discovered she was pregnant and was afraid to tell her parents because she was scared of their reaction. You advised her to go to Planned Parenthood. Were you advising her to get an abortion? -- APPALLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR APPALLED: No. That's a matter of personal choice. I urged her to confide in her mother or another trusted female adult, and if she could not do that, to consult Planned Parenthood. The worst thing in the world a girl in that situation can do is nothing. I knew that Planned Parenthood would advise her about her entire range of options. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Why did you assume that the girl couldn't trust her father enough to talk with him? In your mind, any trusted female seems preferable to talking to Dad. And what about the prospective father? -- DONALD C. HUBIN, PH.D., COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR DONALD: If the father was the parent who gave the girl her sex education, then she might feel comfortable confiding in him. However, many young women are self-conscious, and therefore reluctant, to discuss their sexuality with their fathers. Had she felt she could depend on the boy involved, she wouldn't have signed herself "Alone and Terrified."

DEAR ABBY: If that girl aborts her baby, she will most likely suffer for the rest of her life with the guilt she will eventually feel for having chosen abortion. -- LISA S., NEW MILFORD, PA.

DEAR LISA: That's not always the case. Reactions can vary. Although some women experience guilt, I have read that many report feeling a combination of regret and relief.

DEAR ABBY: Here in California a girl recently died because rather than going to her parents for help, she went to Planned Parenthood. Secrets should never be encouraged. Parents are the teen's best option. -- DANA S., ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR DANA: All medical procedures, and that includes abortion, carry some risk. According to reports I have read, the girl died of septic shock after taking RU-486. However, abortions are far safer today than they were 10 years ago -- and certainly safer than when the procedure was illegal and performed in back alleys.

My heart goes out to that girl's parents, and I agree that parents should be the best option. However, not all families are the kind we saw on "Leave It to Beaver," and many girls are afraid to confide in their parents.

DEAR ABBY: You should read "Grand Illusions," George Grant's expose of the racist roots of Planned Parenthood. Not to have advised that girl to visit her local Crisis Pregnancy Center was misleading. -- LENORE IN MANHATTAN, MONT.

DEAR LENORE: Margaret Sanger, who founded the tiny birth control clinic that was to become the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, became a family planning crusader because she felt it was vital for POOR women (and that included women of color) to control their fertility and not be forced to have large families they couldn't take care of. A woman who is not in charge of her reproductive life is not in charge of her life. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the average woman, without birth control, would have between 12 and 15 pregnancies in her lifetime.

Planned Parenthood's mission is to help women make the right choice for THEM. For some, that means carrying a pregnancy to term. For others, it means using birth control. And for still others it can mean having an abortion. It is a matter of personal freedom and deeply personal choice.

P.S. I would advise women to go to Crisis Pregnancy Centers if I were convinced they wouldn't be forced to watch color videos of aborted fetuses.

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