DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns a beautiful 17-year-old girl. She was the apple of her father's eye, one of my daughter's closest friends. She was popular and enjoyed sports. She had a bright future ahead of her.

She, her boyfriend and another couple opted for a nice dinner and a party instead of attending the homecoming dance. At some point during the evening, these kids made a tragic mistake -- alcohol became a part of the "fun."

The police said alcohol, excessive speed and wet pavement led to the terrible crash. The car hit two trees at nearly 60 mph, and this lovely young girl died at the scene. Her boyfriend is paralyzed. The 18-year-old driver of the car died the following morning. They had dropped off another teenager just minutes before the crash. She didn't realize until morning that the ambulance she heard wail by her bedroom window was for her friends.

I wish every teen would see what I witnessed at the funeral -- the grief-stricken father, the mother in shock, other family members numb with disbelief. Maybe it would save some lives. We as parents could offer little comfort to our devastated children. Half the high school was there, not a dry eye in the place. Many teens seemed on the verge of collapse.

This calamity is repeated every year in this country. It has to stop.

Teens: I BEG you. Please don't drink and drive or ride with anyone who has been drinking.

Parents: Promise your children that while you don't condone underage drinking, a safe ride home is just a phone call away -- night or day. Assure them that this ride comes without lecture or punishment of any kind.

So many lives will never be the same. The grieving families will never fully recover. Please, Abby, print this letter as a warning. Life is fragile. Life is precious. Don't waste it -- don't take chances. -- MOURNING IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR MOURNING: My deepest sympathy to all of the families who were affected by this senseless tragedy.

Teens who do not drink credit their families as the biggest influence for making that intelligent choice. Youth whose parents discuss alcohol (and drug) use with them -- regularly, knowledgeably and specifically -- are less likely to engage in substance abuse than teens whose parents say little or nothing about the subject. Knowing your children's activities and friends, and the parents of their friends, is also important.

I urge every parent and other adult caregivers to ask the government's National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information for a free copy of the booklet "Keeping Youth Drug Free." It can be obtained by calling toll-free: 1-800-729-6686. (It can also be read online at www.health.org.)

With more than 2,200 young people ages 16 to 20 dying in alcohol-related crashes every year, we must make a greater effort to prevent this waste of human life.

To my young readers: Please don't shrug this off. Make smart choices, because if you don't -- it CAN happen to you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please answer this quickly. There is no one else I can talk to. I am a devout Christian woman, prominent in my church and have an impeccable reputation. My late husband's family treats me with respect and generosity.

I was unhappy when "Henry" and I were married and I wanted to divorce him, but the man I was having an affair with at the time would not leave his wife for me. In spite of being devastated, I was also blessed because Henry died a short time later. I have been free now for 10 years.

I love my freedom and the relationship I have with Henry's family. But recently I have begun to wonder if I should confide in my brother-in-law, "Rick" (who is getting a divorce), that I was unhappy enough with his brother to have had affairs much of the time we were married. It might make Rick feel better about his own "mess" and possibly bring him closer to me.

Should I open my heart to him? He thinks of me as a sister. -- UNSURE IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR UNSURE: Your brother-in-law thinks of you as a sister because he is under the impression that you were a faithful and loving wife to Henry. If you shatter that illusion, you will spoil the relationship you have enjoyed so long with your former in-laws.

Since you feel a compulsion to confess, confess to your spiritual adviser. Confession is good for the soul, but in your case it should be completely confidential.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old married woman with an adorable 8-year-old stepson, "Cody," who lives with his father and me. Cody's mother, "Heather," left five years ago. Shortly after that, I met and immediately fell in love with my ready-made family.

I cannot have children of my own. Heather's mistake of leaving her husband and child became my "miracle." I was willing to do anything to make my family work. There was so much hostility between my husband and Heather that they could barely converse without it becoming a yelling match.

Now, four years later, my husband, stepson and I have a civil relationship with Heather. Although Cody lives with us, his mother has him every other weekend. (We live in the same town.) Heather and I are both active in Cody's school activities, and we share the responsibility of taking him to doctor and dentist appointments (sometimes together). We have been applauded by Cody's teachers for being so supportive of our little boy.

Recently Heather has begun confiding in me about her personal problems. She has a good job, pays no child support, so I'm not sure why she's as broke as she claims. Listening to her money woes makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I'm afraid if I say so, it could cause conflict all over again. That's the last thing I want after trying so hard to get us all to be a family unit for Cody's sake.

My friends and family say that I'm letting my husband's ex-wife manipulate me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's true. How should I handle it, Abby? -- STEPMOM WHO WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER FAMILY

DEAR STEPMOM: For the sake of your stepson, continue to allow his mother to vent. She's not asking you for money -- and if she does, suggest to her as kindly as possible that a second job and credit counseling can help.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and recently went snooping through some old boxes in the attic. In one of them, I found a wedding picture with my mother as a bride. I was shocked to see that the groom was not my father. He was a man who is a friend of the family! The date on the photograph is 1980. I had no clue that my mother was ever married before.

Do you think my father knows? I don't know what to do with this news. -- IN SHOCK IN OREGON

DEAR IN SHOCK: Here's what to do with the "news." Show the wedding picture to your mother and say, "That must have been some costume party!"

Seriously, I'm sure her first marriage isn't meant to be a deep, dark family secret. I'm also sure your father is aware of it, because a prior marriage is something that someone HAS to reveal before remarrying; the question is asked at the registrar's office when a couple applies for a marriage license.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old married woman. "Jerry" and I have been married just a year, but we've been together for almost four. We have one child who is 3 and another on the way.

Jerry joined the Navy soon after our wedding. He met "Hank" in boot camp, and they became good friends and hung out together until Jerry was deployed to Japan. Hank remained here and comes over from time to time to play with our son.

For the most part, I am content in my marriage, but lately I've had strong feelings for Hank. Hank has told me he has feelings for me, too. Now I'm mixed up about everything. I don't know if I could ever leave my marriage, but more and more I can picture myself with Hank.

Please don't get me wrong, Abby. I've never been one to do wild and crazy things, but right now I feel like I have no control over this. Jerry doesn't suspect anything and I don't know if I need to tell him -- after all, Hank and I haven't "slipped." But my feelings are too strong to ignore. Please help. -- CONFUSED NAVY WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED NAVY WIFE: Your husband is away. You are lonely. You are pregnant with your second child, and you are feeling vulnerable. However, you have more control than you think. You can stop seeing Hank -- so you will no longer be tempted to "slip." If you feel you need emotional support, speak to a chaplain on the naval base. You're a military wife now, and it's important that you stay strong for your husband. E-mail him. Write to him. Keep yourself occupied. Fill your time so you won't have time to dwell on Hank.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a terrible time with my husband, "Josh." We have been married almost 10 years, but the last six have been miserable.

Josh refuses to work on a regular basis. He's a compulsive liar who looks me right in the eye and lies with conviction. I know my marriage is over, but I am afraid of how a divorce will affect our two kids. It has gotten so bad the kids ask me why I am always unhappy. I am heartbroken, Abby. I know I need to make the break and move on -- but how? -- HEARTBROKEN WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Tell your husband you will no longer tolerate the lying, and offer him the chance to take his problem to a therapist. If he refuses, give serious thought to how living with a compulsive liar will affect your children, and then consult an attorney. You did not create this problem, so stop feeling guilty about protecting yourself and the children.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)