DEAR ABBY: "Going Broke in Maryland" described her 85-year-old husband as a cash cow for charities. She said they live on a fixed income, and he keeps insisting they "don't really need the money."

In my father's case, what she described was the first sign of Alzheimer's disease. It started several years before the usual signs such as confusion or getting lost occurred. He, too, spent a fortune trying to "win" a million dollars from sweepstakes companies.

Since "Going Broke's" husband has clearly lost his good judgment, it's unlikely that legal counsel will bring it back to him. (My dad seemed to understand our advice, but continued sending money to sweepstakes, humane societies, etc.). What "Going Broke" needs is an attorney to protect herself and her husband financially. She should also try to get a medical exam for him. If they have children, they need to help her with this NOW.

"Going Broke's" local Alzheimer's Association can offer assistance and advice. The Maryland attorney general's office will have a consumer protection or omsbudman's office that may be able to advise her. There is probably a Council on Aging in her county. Also, please make sure she has the address of the Direct Marketing Association to stop the junk mail. She may need to block phone calls, too, if telemarketers are a problem at her house.

If she has to take away his control of the family finances, she should try to do it in a way that allows him to put the blame on someone else, not her.

My father never did win the shiny new car or the million dollars he was promised, even though the sweepstakes companies called to get directions to his home and had him fill out official forms requesting color and style of the automobile. He is now in the dementia ward of an assisted-living facility, and my mother wishes she had those thousands of dollars he spent on sweepstakes entries and charities to help pay for his care. -- HOPE THIS HELPS, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR HOPE: You and your family have my sympathy for the way your father's condition was exploited, and I hope "Going Broke" will heed your suggestions. She should also write to each charity that is soliciting her husband and request to be removed from the mailing list.

Readers, you can write to Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association Inc., P.O. Box 643, Carmel, N.Y. 10512. The Web address is www.DMAconsumers.org. If you're drowning in junk mail, contacting it can cut down on the volume.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," is 6 feet, 3 inches. He needed a new car, so my parents "surprised" him with one of theirs. It is less than a year old and in excellent condition.

George and I appreciate my parents' generosity, but the car is very small and extremely uncomfortable for George. What should we do? -- THANKS BUT NO THANKS IN THE EAST

DEAR THANKS: Thank your parents for their generosity, and explain the problem. Offer to return the car if they wish. If they refuse, sell it, and use the money as a down payment on a larger model. (The alternative is to exchange George for a smaller model -- but that would be even more expensive.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I am a schoolteacher. Last year I had a brief affair with a much older, married man. He was the principal of my school. I was deeply in love with him and ready to leave my husband to be with him. However, I got cold feet and chose to stay in my marriage, although it had been less than perfect for years.

I confessed everything to my husband, and then told the principal my decision. I haven't seen him since.

I feel an overpowering need to apologize to my lover for what I did to him. You see, I lied and led my husband and the school board to believe that I had been taken advantage of. I called him a "sexual predator" who had forced me into the affair, and he was forced to resign from the school.

Abby, he did not take advantage of me. I knew exactly what I was doing. In fact, I still have strong feelings for him.

Please tell me what I can do to set the record straight and find peace. -- REMORSEFUL IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR REMORSEFUL: It won't be easy. Begin by telling your husband the truth. Next, write a letter to the school board and tell them exactly what you have told me. That will "set the record straight." Your clergyperson will have to help you find peace, because you have a lot to atone for. Please don't wait.

Remember, the longest journey starts with a single step.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old, stay-at-home mom with two beautiful little girls. My youngest daughter, "Tanya," is 5 and suffers from seizures and mental problems. I feel I'm not a good mother because her condition consumes me and all I ever do is cry. I told my husband, "Steve," that I would like to look into putting Tanya in a group home, but he adamantly refuses. Steve says we will separate before that happens.

I love my husband and my child, but I feel I'm going crazy. I have no life. We've spoken to professionals; nothing they suggested is helpful. Steve's mother promised to help, but she makes excuses as to why she can't watch Tanya. I'm out of ideas. What should I do? I have to save my sanity. -- ALONE AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR ALONE AND CONFUSED: It appears you are shouldering all the responsibility for Tanya. However, you also have your older child to consider. If you are a basket case, you will be unable to parent either child properly.

It's time to talk to Tanya's doctor about what options are available -- respite care to take some of the strain off you, or a group home for your child. Do not give in to your husband's blackmail. He can't care for her by himself, and his mother has already proven she won't step in. Please take care of yourself. By doing so, you'll be doing the right thing for both your daughters.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a wonderful relationship. We have seen both good and hard times during our 30 years together. My problem is our sex life died about two years ago.

I love my wife dearly. I don't want to hurt her, but I still have physical needs despite having had a stroke, a heart attack, four bypasses and arthritis. I have also been disabled since 1988 due to a back injury.

Abby, what can I do? My wife knows how strong my sex drive is, but she will no longer try anything sexual. Please help. -- STILL SLEEPING (ONLY) IN THE SAME BED

DEAR STILL SLEEPING: Have a frank talk with your wife. She may be afraid that sex could endanger your health. If that's the case, have your doctor reassure her it is safe. If that's not the problem, she should have her hormone levels checked.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. My mom recently split up with her second husband. He was very controlling and abusive. Afterward, she promised me she would not get into any more relationships with men for a while. I was glad because I really need her attention right now -- and so do my younger sisters. (Our stepfather never allowed her to be alone with us.)

Our problem is, one month later mom broke her promise and started seeing another man. My sisters and I don't like him because he is an alcoholic, with no job, and he's making our mother more depressed than she was. When he gets drunk, he flips out and threatens suicide. I don't think this is healthy for my mom, and it saddens me to see her in another messed-up relationship.

I have tried talking to her about this, but she gets mad and says I don't want her to be happy. I just want what is best for her. Am I being selfish or are my feelings right? Can you please talk to her? -- MARIE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MARIE: Sometimes the young people who write to me have a clearer vision of what's going on than the adults in their lives. You appear to be one of them.

You didn't mention whether your father is part of your lives, or if you have any aunts, uncles or grandparents to whom you can confide.

Your mother appears to be desperate for a man in her life. She is not thinking clearly, which is why she's not getting your important message. She needs to hear it from another adult, so bring this problem to the attention of a trusted relative, teacher, school nurse, clergyperson or the parent of a friend. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: "Adam," the boy I went to the prom with last spring, had a serious car accident just before summer vacation. He had multiple injuries and some brain damage. Miraculously, he has almost fully recovered. I visited Adam many times while he was in the hospital and in rehab. I wanted to "be there" for him and his family.

My problem is, now that he is better, he wants to pick up where we left off and continue our romantic relationship. But I don't feel the same about him. It has nothing to do with his accident; it's just that I met a great guy this summer and he is now my boyfriend.

The other day, Adam told me he can't stop thinking about me, and when he does it makes him feel good. How do I tell him that we are no longer a couple without making him dejected? He is already pessimistic and could get depressed. I would like him just to be a friend. -- CAN'T GO ON LEADING HIM ON

DEAR CAN'T GO ON: Tell Adam the truth before he hears it from someone else. Make it plain that you care about his welfare and want to remain friends -- as your behavior has demonstrated -- but that you are now romantically involved with someone else.

Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty about it. You were there for Adam when he needed you most -- and you were only dating. Neither of you had made a lifetime commitment.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)