DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Erik" for about three months. On our second date he told me he loved me. I told him he was moving too fast, so he modified it by saying he loved "things" about me -- my personality, sense of humor, etc.

Two weeks ago, Erik told me that he is now totally "in love" with me. I politely tried to discourage him. He went on to say that he's been "dumped" by several women in the past -- and began to cry. He's a very emotional person.

Erik and I work different shifts and keep in touch during the day by e-mail. I try to lift his spirits by writing that I hope he is having a good day, etc. In return, he writes me lengthy letters telling me that he is "desperately lonely," but that he's a "fighter" and a "survivor," and he will try to "make it through the day." He has even hinted that if our relationship doesn't work out, he doesn't think he can go on living.

I have repeatedly told Erik that I prefer "light conversation," but he goes on and on about his "quest for love" and how it hurts that my work schedule doesn't fit his. The few times I've had lunch with him he's made me late in returning to work. I'm beginning to think Erik is selfish, desperate and too needy.

Abby, it has reached the point where I no longer derive pleasure from being around him. But I have an enormous cloud of guilt hanging over my head about ending it. Please help. -- FREAKED OUT

DEAR FREAKED OUT: You have an "enormous cloud of guilt" because Erik has carefully and consistently enveloped you in it. You have been honest from the beginning. In your letter, you have described a person who is his own worst enemy. You are not responsible for Erik's welfare if his romances don't bear fruit.

Please don't hesitate any longer. It's time to tell him that you want to date other people. Undoubtedly, Erik is more resilient than you think.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married after a whirlwind romance three years ago. We had a beautiful wedding with more than 300 guests, most of whom were his family and friends. We received wonderful wishes and gifts. We had planned to write our thank-you notes together and had some personal cards printed. I wrote and sent about one-third of them (after growing tired of waiting for my husband). After a while, I finally stopped nagging and the rest remain unwritten and unsent.

We are both embarrassed by our procrastination. A big part of the delay has been wanting to say "just the right thing" so our guests will know how much their presence and gifts meant to us. Ironically, our "perfectionism" has likely left many of them feeling we are thoughtless.

We remain happily married, despite this point of contention, and would still very much like to write our thank-yous. Any suggestions on what to say after this long? -- EMBARRASSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Start this way: "John and I want you to know that we are now fully recovered from our writer's block and also want you to know how much your beautiful gift means to us. Thank you for the (identify the gift specifically) and for your thoughtfulness in choosing it for us." Now get moving!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in middle school and have been helping my friend, "Heidi," with her schoolwork. When Heidi first asked for help, I didn't mind. But now she expects me to do all her assignments.

Yesterday after school, I tried to help Heidi with her homework in the library, but she kept wandering off to talk to friends. Abby, I don't want to help someone who doesn't make an effort, but I feel responsible because Heidi's grades are falling fast. What should I do? -- BOY WITH A BIG PROBLEM ON HIS HANDS

DEAR BOY: First of all, stop shouldering burdens that are not your own. If your friend fails a subject because she has not completed her assignment, the responsibility is hers -- not yours. It was kind of you to try to share your own good study habits with your friend. But the time has come for her to take what you have taught her and fly on her own.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to warn "Afraid in Calgary, Canada," about what she's in for. She's the woman who was scared because her husband is manufacturing an illegal drug.

Two years ago, my boyfriend, "Otis," and I were turned on to methamphetamine by an "old friend." It quickly consumed our lives. We suddenly became paranoid and no longer trusted each other. Soon we began selling it so we could get high for free. Selling led Otis to manufacturing it himself -- all for free drugs and easy money.

I left Otis because I knew what he was doing was wrong. However, three months later -- after he promised that he had quit using, selling and manufacturing -- I returned. The temptation was too great. We both got hooked again. Otis was raking in the dough, and he kept kidding himself, saying he'd only make and sell it "one more time" or until he saved a big enough nest egg. It was never enough. I told him no amount of money would be worth it if we were caught, and I was right. It wasn't.

So far, we've paid our lawyer $16,000 plus $10,000 for my bail money. We've lost $13,000 in confiscated cash, and Otis' children refuse to speak to him or visit him in jail. Otis faces 120 years in prison. I was arrested just for being in his home. I'm charged with five felonies and could also get a long prison sentence.

Abby, it may seem hard to believe, but Otis and I are decent people. He is a wonderful father. But because of weakness and greed, we have lost everything, including the respect of friends and family. Otis' teenage daughter is now ridiculed and picked on every day at school.

"Afraid," if you are reading this, please INSIST that your husband stop manufacturing and selling drugs. If you need money, take a second job. You may not have all the money you think you need, but you'll still have your family, your life and your freedom. We don't. -- IN A BIND/OUT ON BOND

DEAR OUT ON BOND: Thank you for an important letter. Drugs are prevalent. Temptation is great. I hope your experience will serve as a warning to those who need one. What happened to you can easily happen to them.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired police officer who has worked in prisons with both male and female inmates.

Your response to "Alarmed Host," whose co-worker "Jane," wants to bring "Al," an ex-convict, to her dinner party, needs to be expanded.

While incarcerated, inmates live with other inmates who are often smarter and more experienced. This gives them many opportunities to enhance their skills. They become experts in deceiving those around them, including persons like "Jane," the naive young lady in "Alarmed's" letter. A host has a responsibility to protect her guests. Inmates are adept at listening and taking mental notes of information, such as that being shared by potential victims that can be used later to commit burglary, home invasions, identity theft, rape, assault, etc. Without behavior modification treatment programs while in prison, few inmates change on their own. -- NO NAME FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

DEAR NO NAME: Your points are well taken. The fact that Jane refused to disclose the nature of Al's crime is also telling. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Get out the wet noodle. "Alarmed" doesn't need to meet Al before the party; she should disinvite Jane immediately!

Almost 70 percent of convicts are repeat offenders, masters in the art of deceit. I know. I have worked with them. Many proudly display albums of "girlfriends" with whom they correspond and carefully catalog their assets. "Alarmed" has due cause for concern.

I once had an inmate clerk I'll call Russ -- very intelligent, quite handsome. Although he had only completed high school before his first conviction, I could explain to him a highly technical accounting procedure -- once -- and he'd turn in a perfect work product.

One day, Russ rushed into my office, exclaiming, "Boss, Boss, I'm getting out. I leave this weekend!" I asked him how many times he had been down. "Five," he said. "But one doesn't count because it was for parole violation." I congratulated Russ and told him, "You're a good worker. You're smart. I don't ever want to see you again." He thanked me and assured me I wouldn't.

Six months later, my inmate truck driver reported that a new inmate at Diagnostics had asked him to tell me that he wanted his old job back. You guessed it -- it was Russ.

Friend "Jane" needs help. It's true that Al has paid the debt society has imposed upon him. But the relevant question is, "Has he changed?" -- FORMER PRISON EMPLOYEE

DEAR FORMER PRISON EMPLOYEE: You're right. But let's not forget that some people DO change. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am an ex-con, a former drug dealer. Although I abide by the law now, I am still paying for what I did. I have a hard time finding work, living arrangements and living a normal life.

"Al" needs a break. You're never done with your time when you must tell everyone you're an ex-con. You're looked down on, no matter how sorry you feel or how well you're doing. It's humiliating. I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I can't. And neither can Al. -- EX-CON IN ARIZONA

DEAR EX-CON: I understand that post-prison life is frustrating. However, as long as you refuse to allow your past to determine who you are, the lessons you have gained from it will make you stronger and wiser. Yes, there is a lot of bias, but if you have earned the respect of those who are closest to you, that is what's most important.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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