DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school junior who is busy searching to find the right college. I'm in the top 10 percent of my class, active in extracurricular activities and community services, and have never given my parents an ounce of trouble.

My problem is my mother and I do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to researching colleges. My family doesn't have much money and cannot afford to send me to an expensive university, which I fully understand. However, Mom gets mad when I inquire about ANY school out of our price range.

My reason for wanting to survey all my options is to seek as much information as possible about financial aid, work grants and scholarships. Mother refuses to entertain the idea of co-signing a loan. She has come right out and said I'm wasting my time and being delusional.

I think I am realistic. I accept the fact that I won't be going to an Ivy League school. But I see no harm in refusing to limit myself to state-funded schools. Am I on the right track, or is Mom way ahead of me? -- TIRED OF BEING NAGGED IN NEW YORK

DEAR TIRED: You are asking intelligent questions. But the person you should be asking is your counselor at school. From my perspective, knowledge is power. There are many scholarships available, and you are wise to explore all of your options -- including the Ivy League.

DEAR ABBY: Please alert your readers to a program that has been established to help military retirees who have service-connected disabilities. Congress has authorized special compensation to help offset military retirement pay that is forfeited in order to receive disability compensation from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA).

This program began June 1, 2003. It is called Combat-Related Special Compensation (CRSC). The program is only for those who have at least 20 years of military service and who have combat- or operations-related disabilities. This includes any disability that resulted in award of a Purple Heart, or conditions rated by the military or the VA as 60 percent to 100 percent disabling, and caused by combat or combat/operations-related events.

Abby, I hope you'll publicize this important program to help compensate disabled military retirees who have given so much to this nation while protecting our freedoms. -- VICE ADM. NORBERT R. RYAN JR. USN (RET.)

DEAR VICE ADM. RYAN: I'm pleased to help spread the word. I'm sure many retired veterans will be grateful for your letter.

Military retirees: To find out more about CRSC and how and where to apply for the program, contact the retiree affairs office at the nearest military installation or go to the Department of Defense Web site at https://www.dmdc.osd.mil/crsc.

DEAR ABBY: When you asked readers to report on their success or failure after they remarried their former spouses, I was reminded of a story.

A man who had recently remarried his first wife ran into an old friend whom he hadn't seen for some time, and told him he had just gotten married again. "Congratulations," said his friend. "I sure hope she's better looking than the first one!" -- HOWARD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HOWARD: Which proves that the only thing more dangerous than commenting on a former spouse's looks is commenting on the person's virtue.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Can you imagine waking to the sound of your smoke alarm in the middle of the night? Would you know what to do? Half of all home fires occur between 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. -- when most people are sound asleep.

This year the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA), the official sponsor of Fire Protection Week for more than 80 years, has teamed with Pella Windows and Doors and the Home Safety Council to promote fire safety education and preparedness during Fire Prevention Week, Oct. 5-11, 2003. Our theme: "When Fire Strikes, GET out! STAY out!" Our campaign drives home the message that when the smoke alarm goes off, you should leave right away using one of your two preplanned escape routes -- AND NOT GO BACK INSIDE FOR ANY REASON.

Abby, please let parents know that as part of their escape plan, they must make sure that smoke alarms wake everyone in the home, especially children. If family members do not wake to the sound of the alarm, consider installing interconnected smoke alarms in all the bedrooms. When one alarm sounds, they all sound. Or assign an adult to take the sound sleepers and assist them in escaping.

Thank you for sharing this important information with your readers. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT, NFPA

DEAR READERS: Since this is Fire Prevention Week, I can think of no better time for all of us to ensure that there are working batteries in our smoke alarms. If you haven't already done so, now is also the time to craft a fire escape plan so that if your fire alarm does sound, you and your loved ones will all get out without being injured. Plan not one, but two avenues of escape in case one is blocked. Also, an escape plan is no good unless everyone is familiar with it -- so practice, practice, practice.

DEAR ABBY: Years before we met, my husband, "Phil," had a relationship with a married woman I'll call Trish. It began before we met and ended when our relationship began. Phil and Trish believe that her first child is his.

For the first seven years of this child's life, Phil watched the child from afar and continued having relations with Trish. Her husband has no clue.

I told Phil I wanted nothing to do with this charade. I said they should both fess up and come clean for the child's sake. It never happened. But since he terminated his relationship with Trish, I really couldn't complain.

Trish has continued to e-mail and call Phil attempting to arrange a dinner for the two of them so they can catch up, and he could be kept informed of the child's development. (He is now 13.) I told Phil I would entertain the idea if Trish's husband and I were included. He said that was impossible.

Last night, Phil received an e-mail from Trish stating that he had promised he would "always be there" for her -- and now he isn't. Phil didn't respond.

I don't want to cause additional hardship for the child. Am I being immature, unrealistic or unfair? Your input, please. -- PHIL'S WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WIFE: You are none of the above. You are a shrewd lady who is trying to protect her marriage.

If any dinners are planned so Phil can "be there" for Trish, you should also be there. It will send a strong message.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Karl" and I met a few days after he had broken up with his girlfriend, "Liza." My brother introduced us. I was leery at first. I had heard Liza was pregnant with Karl's child, but he told me it was over between them. I guess Karl said all the right things because we immediately hooked up and our relationship got serious fast.

A week later, Liza called Karl to "discuss the baby." At that point, Karl and I were living together. He went to see her and didn't return until morning. Liza called me in the middle of the night, announced that she and Karl were back together, and told me that I had to move out. Since there wasn't time to find a new apartment, I moved into the guest room.

Surprisingly, we have all been getting along really well, but there is something that I haven't told them -- I am also pregnant with Karl's child.

I really don't know what to do. Karl has two kids on the way and they are less than a month apart. Please help. -- A HOPELESS PREGNANT WOMAN

DEAR HOPELESS: The first thing you must do is consult a lawyer and discuss establishing paternity and child support for your child. Although the three of you are getting along now, there is no guarantee that it will continue when there are five of you. Bear in mind that Liza, not Karl, was the person who told you to move out. It's unlikely that Karl is ever going to give you an exclusive commitment.

DEAR ABBY: For the past five years, I have been concentrating on school in an effort to support my 5-year-old son who lives with his mother. We never married; I am gay. I see my son a couple of times a month.

I recently quit my job because it was too much to handle with school. I want to spend quality time with my son -- something I never had with my own father -- but I don't have much money and I don't remember what 5-year-old boys like to do.

This is my last chance to be a good father. Abby, can you think of some activities my son would enjoy? -- WANTS TO BE A GOOD DAD, RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR DAD: I applaud you for wanting to participate in your son's life. The child will enjoy just spending time with you and knowing you. Listen to what he has to say and take an interest in the things he likes.

Some excursions the two of you could enjoy together might include an age-appropriate movie, a sporting event, a trip to the zoo, going to get an ice cream cone, camping out and/or hiking, or a visit to a park playground. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. A picnic and game of catch are fun.

Reading to your son is another activity that he would like. Go to the library and ask the librarian to recommend books you and your son can enjoy together.

Readers: Any other ideas?

DEAR ABBY: Last week I went to a store to buy a greeting card. When I went to pay at the checkout stand, I saw the most beautiful girl smiling at me. When I handed her my money, I asked her name. She told me, but I was so nervous I didn't give her my name.

How can I get this fantastic stranger interested in me? -- CHECKING OUT THE CHECKOUT GIRL

DEAR CHECKING OUT: Go back to the store. Buy another card or two. If she's wearing a name tag, call her by name and introduce yourself. (Fortunately for you, the holiday season is fast approaching, and you can buy LOTS of cards ... one card at a time!)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)