DEAR ABBY: I am a junior on the high school football team. "Amy" is one of our school's cheerleaders. We get along great and I want to ask her out. The problem is, I called Amy's house and asked to talk to her, but her father wouldn't let her come to the phone until I gave him my full name and told him where I was from. He made me nervous, and before I could answer, he hung up on me. Did I do anything wrong? -- JACK THE JOCK IN JERSEY

DEAR JACK: You didn't "do" anything wrong. However, there are certain rules of telephone courtesy, and you failed to follow them. I list them all in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." This booklet may be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

Some telephone tips from my teen booklet:

1. When you call, identify yourself immediately and ask for the person with whom you wish to speak. ("Hello, Mrs. Jones. This is Jack Smith. May I please speak to Amy?") Remember to speak up and sound confident. Don't mumble. Don't make anyone guess who you are; that's childish. If you are afraid you'll be so nervous you'll forget your telephone manners, write down what you want to say before you call. Then read it!

2. Always make the call yourself. If you haven't the courage to call and ask for a date yourself, then you aren't old enough to date.

3. If you're calling to ask for a date, specify the day and time, and explain what you have in mind so the person you are inviting will know what to wear.

4. Do not call at the last minute. It reduces your chances for an acceptance. ("Gee! You should have called sooner. I've promised to baby-sit tonight.")

Pay attention to these basic rules. They will come in handy for the rest of your life and the telephone will be your ally.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 years old and I'm having flashbacks. At night, when I try to go to sleep, I see my ex-husband beating me, and other nights I relive my miscarriage. It has been six years since it happened, and I don't know why it is still bothering me. My nightmares are worse now than they have ever been.

Abby, I don't know how to stop these pictures in my head. Shouldn't I have gotten over these things by now?

I am now engaged, and my fiance is the greatest. I don't want to hurt him by obsessing about my hurtful past. Is there anything I can do? -- CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONFUSED: Sometimes, when someone has experienced extreme trauma -- physical violence and a miscarriage would both qualify -- that person needs professional help to put it to rest and get past it. Pick up the phone and ask the operator for the number of the nearest rape crisis hotline. They offer counseling for the kind of physical and emotional battering you received, and it won't matter that it happened six years ago. Please don't wait to make the call. Help is available for you.

DEAR ABBY: Time is the enemy when a child is abducted. To help in the search, communities must mobilize quickly. That is why it's critical that every community have an AMBER Alert plan. Understanding how it works may save a child's life.

AMBER Alert was named to honor the memory of 9-year-old Amber Hagerman, who was abducted and murdered in Arlington, Texas, seven years ago.

Outraged following her brutal murder, the community was determined to fight back. One day, during a local talk radio show, some listeners called in and suggested that radio stations use the Emergency Alert System to warn the public about abductions in the same way they do tornadoes. At that moment, the idea to create an early warning system for child abductions was born, proving that just a few people can make a difference in effecting change.

In 2001, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) launched a campaign to roll out the AMBER Alert program across America. At that time, there were only 27 such programs in the United States. Today, the program has grown to 93 plans, 46 of them statewide. It has also been adopted in parts of Canada and England. One hundred children have been recovered since the program began in 1996.

Today, the AMBER program (which stands for America's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response) has become a successful partnership between law enforcement agencies and radio and television stations to activate emergency bulletins to the public when a child is abducted and believed to be in danger.

I hope you will engage your readers to promote this worthy program in their communities. -- ERNIE ALLEN, PRESIDENT, NCMEC

DEAR ERNIE: Thank you for an important letter. If ever a Dear Abby column should be kept in a safe place where it can be immediately accessible in an emergency, this is it. My readers are the most caring, concerned -- and engaged -- people in the world. I am sure they recognize the importance of the AMBER Alert system. With that in mind, here is what parents should do to better safeguard their children:

1. Keep a complete description of your child on hand.

2. Update it by taking color photographs of your child every six months.

3. Keep copies of your child's fingerprints -- prepared by law enforcement.

4. Keep a sample of your child's DNA, such as several strands of hair.

5. Know where your child's medical records are located.

6. Have your dentist prepare and maintain dental charts for your child.

IF YOUR CHILD GOES MISSING:

1. Immediately report your child to your local law enforcement agency.

2. Ask the law enforcement agency to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File.

3. Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has the opportunity to collect possible evidence.

4. Give law enforcement investigators all the information you have on your child, including fingerprints, photographs, complete description and the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance.

5. Call NCMEC at 1-800-THE LOST (1-800-843-5678).

Readers, more safety information can be obtained in "Personal Safety for Children -- A Guide for Parents" by visiting the NCMEC Web site: www.missingkids.com. It is available in English or Spanish.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Lowell" for more than a year. He's a college graduate with a professional job. We have begun talking marriage, and I am thrilled, but I have one concern: Lowell believes he is from another planet.

When Lowell first mentioned it, I laughed and said, "I thought there was something different about you." The trouble is, he isn't joking! (This is ridiculous because his parents are alive, and I know he was born in Chicago.) Lowell insists that he is "special" and I should feel honored that he loves me.

Last night was the final straw. He said it to my brother and his wife, and they looked at him as if he WAS from another planet. When we got back to my apartment we had a huge fight. I told him never to mention that ludicrous story again to anyone. He insists that if we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, I have to accept him for who he is.

Abby, I love Lowell, but I can't have him telling our friends and family -- and our future children -- that he is from another galaxy. What should I do? -- NOT EASY BEING AN EARTH GIRL

DEAR NOT EASY: I have heard of men who are "out of this world," but not in the sense that Lowell is trying to convey. Before discussing marriage any further, talk to Lowell's mother and find out how long he's been nursing this delusion. We all want to be "special," but your young man has taken it to an extreme. His insistence that you should feel "honored" that he loves you is another red flag.

I often advise premarital counseling for couples who are considering marriage. In this case, it should be with a psychotherapist who can identify what Lowell's problem is before it becomes YOUR problem. If he refuses to go, my advice to you is to give him some "space."

DEAR ABBY: I have been a school bus driver for 11 years. I am responsible for the safety of students traveling to and from school. I am writing because I am alarmed at the number of drivers who do not stop when they see a school bus with flashing red lights.

The law says any time a school bus is stopped with its red lights flashing, all cars must stop. Even drivers going the opposite direction on a divided or four-lane highway must stop.

It normally takes no more than one minute for children to get on or off the bus. What's a minute when it comes to the life of a child? -- CONCERNED BUS DRIVER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CONCERNED BUS DRIVER: Thank you for your timely reminder. School is back in session -- and no appointment is more important than safeguarding the lives of children.

So slow down, folks! Ya move too fast. This generation's gotta last. (With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel!)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who has a wonderful grandfather. He insists that I read your column every day. In fact, he calls me up in the afternoon and quizzes me about the letters just to make sure I have read them.

To prove to him that I do read your column, would you please print this and let him know that I think he is an awesome grandfather and that I feel lucky to have him?

(Now I can call and quiz HIM to see if he's read your column today!) -- A.R. IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR A.R.: With pleasure! Please let me know if your discerning and well-read grandfather passes the quiz!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)