DEAR ABBY: At my office, many employees participate in fund-raisers for church groups or schools. These fund-raisers involve buying items such as wrapping paper, chocolate bars, etc. I usually buy "whatever" because it's for a good cause.

One of my co-workers, "Robin," frequently asks the rest of us to chip in to raise money for her daughter's school. However, Robin recently admitted to me privately that the money she's collecting is actually for herself. She justified her actions by saying the funds are for a "worthy cause" -- HER TRIP TO PARIS.

Should I tell my co-workers about Robin's scam, or report her to the companies providing the products she's selling for "charity"? I am disgusted by her deceit and her inability to see anything wrong with what she's doing. -- SICK ABOUT IT IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR SICK ABOUT IT: By all means, speak up and tell your co-workers about her scheme. Robin's lack of ethics is appalling -- and may even be criminal. To remain silent makes you an accessory, so don't wait. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I told a boy at school I'll call Aaron that I've been infatuated with him. We are both 13. Aaron and I have been dating ever since my "confession," and I've been very happy with him until recently.

Lately, I can't stand him -- and I don't know why. I dread his phone calls, and I'm always trying to think up excuses not to see him.

Aaron has told me that I'm his whole world and he would kill himself if he ever "lost" me. This is my first relationship with a boy, and I don't know what to do.

Abby, please help. I want to end this thing with him, but I'm afraid of what he might do. -- SCARED AND WORRIED SICK IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR SCARED AND WORRIED: What Aaron is doing is emotional blackmail. On some level, he senses that you are losing interest and he is trying to make you responsible for his welfare.

Now is the time to tell your parents or another trusted adult exactly what is going on. Aaron's family should be informed about his self-destructive threats. Please don't delay.

In the future, don't be so quick to tie yourself to one person. Now is the time you should be enjoying activities with groups of friends.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently hired at a company that seems to be way out of my league. When I walked in, I saw young, beautiful, thin, well-bred, middle-class folks everywhere. I am none of those things. (Well, I am young.)

How does a person from one class work with another class without being noticed? By that I mean, how do I hide the fact that I don't fit in? -- FEELS LIKE A FRAUD IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELS LIKE A FRAUD: Stop putting yourself down and anticipating problems that may never happen. If someone didn't think you'd fit in, you would not have been hired by your employer. Do your job well and you will be respected. Be friendly and reach out and you will make friends.

It's not what you look like or where you are from, it's what you have to offer that makes you a valued employee.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my 18-year-old daughter, "Lorraine," and I have drastically different views regarding sex.

Since her 18th birthday, Lorraine has had sex with three different men. She will meet them, spend a day with them, and have sex as part of the date. Lorraine feels that sex is "no big deal," but I am heartsick. She is putting her health in danger -- and I don't think what she's doing is emotionally healthy, either. Lorraine says I wouldn't feel this way if she were my son, but she's wrong.

Don't young people today care about their physical and emotional health? How can I make her understand that it is important to have an emotional attachment with someone before having sex? -- WORRIED MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Since your daughter appears to be tuning out your important message, I recommend that you both attend some sex education sessions so she can hear with a fresh ear what the concerns really are. Planned Parenthood, which is in your phone book, would be an excellent reference.

While you're at it, contact the American Social Health Association (ASHA) and ask for some of their comprehensive materials on sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), which are rampant in our population. That way, even if your daughter is not willing to take your concerns to heart, she will at least know how to protect herself.

Call: National Herpes Hotline: (919) 361-8488; National HPV Hotline: (919) 361-4848; and the CDC's National STD and AIDS Hotline: (800) 227-8922. The Web address is www.ashastd.org. They also host a special Web site for teens: www.iwannaknow.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call "Don." He's in his mid-20s and comes from a good family. When we go out to eat, Don displays proper etiquette and table manners, with one exception: He holds his fork in his fist like a young child and shovels food into his mouth.

Friends have noticed this and commented to me about it. When I mentioned it to Don, it hurt his feelings. Is there a gentle way I can help my friend? -- DON'S DINNER PAL IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

DEAR DINNER PAL: You have already helped your friend by telling him what people are saying. Now it's time for HIM to change his eating habit -- or not.

DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday in church, while my husband, "Johnny," and I were on our knees praying, the preacher's wife, "Selma," who was sitting behind us, leaned forward and began giving Johnny a back rub. It really upset me. We've been going to this church for only a few weeks, and I felt it didn't look right.

Johnny says Selma was just being nice. I feel that out of respect for me, he should have told her to go rub her husband's back instead of his. It made me mad that Johnny was standing up for her. I think this is how adultery starts. Am I wrong? -- LOSING MY FAITH IN CENTRAL INDIANA

DEAR LOSING MY FAITH: Not necessarily. However, it's clear that Selma rubbed someone -- you -- the wrong way.

Next Sunday, make a point of sitting behind Selma. If she reaches for Johnny again, hit her with chapter and verse. "Thou shalt not covet ..."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister-in-law who I believe is abusing her children -- but not in the way most people think of child abuse. Not a week goes by that her kids are not in a doctor's office or an emergency room. She seems to be happy or feel "important" when in an E.R. or talking to someone with a medical degree.

Other relatives think she's an exceptionally caring mother. I think she's sick, but I'm not sure whom to contact. She does not think she has a problem. Meanwhile, my brother sits idly by -- or accompanies her on these outings.

Am I wrong, or should some type of authority or social service be notified? I know for a fact that she has used her insurance every week except two this year. -- WORRIED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WORRIED: Child protective services in your community should be told what you have told me. You may be describing a condition called Munchausen by proxy -- a mental illness in which parents sometimes present their children as sick in order to get attention for themselves. For the children's welfare, this should be investigated.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mickey," and I had a baby two months ago. Mickey made it clear from the beginning that he didn't feel ready to be a father. While I was pregnant, he seemed to be excited about the birth of our child. However, since our daughter arrived, Mickey calls her names, avoids holding her, and yells at her to "shut up."

I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him about his behavior and have even offered to go to parenting class with him, but he refuses. He says he's already a parent and doesn't need "classes." As a last resort, I told him that if he continues to yell at her, I'm packing up and he'll never see us again.

Mickey's father was very abusive, and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself. Please help. -- SINGLE MOM IN LINCOLN, NEB.

DEAR SINGLE MOM: You are right to be concerned about your baby's welfare. Your boyfriend knows nothing about child development and has no interest in learning. Consult a lawyer regarding child support and get out NOW.

It is significant that your boyfriend is the son of an abusive parent. Mickey is already a verbal abuser; please don't wait until it becomes physical.

DEAR ABBY: I was just notified that my 30th high school reunion is in two months. I would like to attend and see everyone again, but in the years since graduation, I have unfortunately lost my hearing. I'm not embarrassed, just scared. (Hearing aids do not help.)

What do you suggest? -- THE WAY WE WERE IN JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR T.W.W.W.: Prepare a "hand-out" for your classmates -- a brief, but interesting update of what you've been doing for the past 30 years. Explain at the top that you have lost your hearing. Give these to your old friends, and have a blank journal on hand that they can write in. Ask them to include their addresses (home or e-mail). It's a wonderful way for all of you to continue to keep in touch.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)