DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister, "Claudia," has been one of my closest friends since we became sisters-in-law seven years ago. I have been there for her over the years, including watching her children, helping her recover from a painful divorce, and allowing her to vent about everyday problems.

For the majority of those years, Claudia was on medication for anxiety. However, a few months ago, she stopped cold turkey. She and I had no problems while she was on the meds, but now that she's off, Claudia has said and done many hurtful things to me and other family members and friends.

Claudia doesn't seem to realize that she is a different person when she's off her medication. Her mother, her best friend and I have all told her separately how cruel and insensitive her comments are, and that she needs to be upfront with her doctor about what's going on. She refuses, and her behavior is escalating.

How can I get across to my sister-in-law that she is unbearable without the medication? -- TIRED OF BEING HURT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: Since each of you has spoken to her separately without making an impression, the three of you should confront her as a group and tell her how much she has changed and how hurtful her behavior has become. If she is still not receptive to informing her doctor that she has a problem, limit your time with her.

DEAR ABBY: I visit my son, daughter-in-law and baby granddaughter a couple of times a year and stay for four or five days each visit. They live 2,000 miles away.

My daughter-in-law's parents live around the corner from them and often "drop by" and visit all day. I like them and would enjoy having dinner with them once. However, the rest of the time, I'd like some privacy to visit one-on-one. My daughter-in-law thinks both our families should completely blend and bond.

My son says I shouldn't expect his in-laws to change their usual lifestyle just because I'm visiting. He thinks my attitude is selfish. I don't think I'm asking too much. How do you think I should handle this? -- SAD GRANDMA IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SAD GRANDMA: I personally don't agree that your wanting some "alone time" with your son, daughter-in-law and grandchild is selfish. After all, her parents have ready access and use it frequently.

That said, since both your son and daughter-in-law are in accord on this, you have little choice in the matter. So accept the package deal gracefully.

P.S. I also think it is insensitive of the in-laws not to realize that you should have some private time to visit.

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old and live with my dad. Twenty-two years ago my mom placed my brother, "Jim," for adoption. I found out about my brother two years ago. Mother gave me his address. I would like to meet him, but I am afraid he won't like me. He has a wife and kids who are my niece and nephew.

Please, Abby, should I write Jim or should I not? -- CONFUSED AND SCARED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR CONFUSED AND SCARED: I see no reason why you shouldn't write your brother and let him know that you would like to meet him and his family. Yes, reaching out can be scary, but you have more to gain by doing so than you have to lose. The majority of reunions are happy ones. Think positive.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My common-law husband, "Rudy," my daughter and I are very happy and live an average life. However, like all families, we experience financial pressures from time to time. To supplement our income, Rudy has decided to make and sell a "popular" drug. He says this will be a "one-time thing." I'm afraid it won't be, and if he makes a huge profit, he'll want to continue.

Rudy is a good man. He wants badly to provide for his family. We both work hard at our full-time jobs during the day -- and we don't do drugs. This is like a new world to me and I'm scared. Rudy knows I don't approve. He thinks he did the right thing by telling me about this beforehand instead of doing it behind my back. We tell each other everything, but that doesn't make it OK.

What should I do? -- AFRAID IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR AFRAID: What Rudy plans to do is illegal, and because you know about it, you are an accessory. I don't know how old your daughter is or what kind of drug Rudy is manufacturing, but it cannot be physically or emotionally healthy for her to be around this.

If you think you are having financial pressures now, they'll seem like a walk in the park if you and Rudy are both doing time in prison. Draw the line -- and do it NOW!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 56-year-old grandmother who has been married to "Albert" -- my high school sweetheart -- for almost 35 years. Yesterday, Albert e-mailed me some information about a wife-swapping club that meets in our neighborhood. I am beside myself!

Albert is the only man I've ever been with in my entire life, and to learn that he wants to swap me for another woman is devastating.

I have since checked the "history" on my husband's computer, and I have learned that he has spent hours on the Internet researching this topic.

Last week, we made love three days in a row. It pleased me no end -- until I realized what inspired it. Prior to that, Albert and I have never had sex more than once a week in all the years we've been together.

Please help me, Abby. I am ready to pack my bags and leave. Just knowing that he's serious about wife-swapping makes me sick to my stomach. -- DISILLUSIONED IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be coerced into anything that you feel is immoral. (And spouse-swapping qualifies for that category.)

I don't blame you for being upset, but don't pack your bags yet and don't panic. You and Albert have some serious talking to do, and the sooner the better -- preferably in the presence of a marriage counselor. Albert's craving for variety should be discussed in an environment that is emotionally supportive for both of you. Some couples achieve this through playing out their fantasies together. (Have you seen the yogurt commercial where the wife is dressed up like a French maid?) Good luck ... and please let me know how you resolve this.

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old and one of my best friends drowned last year. She was only 7. If she had worn a life vest, she wouldn't have died. Please tell parents that if their kids aren't good swimmers, they should wear a life vest. -- MISSING MY FRIEND IN MARYLAND

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your friend. That's an excellent reminder. Now for one of my own: Children and adults should never swim alone.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently asked to be a "hostess" in a wedding. When I asked the bride what exactly my duties would be, she said I would pass out programs and make sure that all the wedding guests signed the guestbook. The bride also requested that I buy a $200 matching bridesmaid dress -- which I did. With hotel and travel, the weekend cost me more than $1,000.

On the morning of the wedding, I was immediately put to work assembling plastic champagne flutes and placing favors and name cards on tables, etc. While I was doing this, the wedding party was having their pictures taken. I was not invited to be in a single photo. I also missed the entire wedding ceremony because I was assigned the job of arranging flowers in the reception hall. I was the only member of the wedding party who was expected to work in this manner.

At the reception, I was instructed to escort the bride and groom and the others to their tables. It was a task I found insulting. I was also asked, via a typed "task list" handed to me by the bride's aunt, to pour cider for the 300 guests. I was so upset, I left the reception before any cider pouring.

Do you think the bride was out of line -- or am I out of tune with what is expected of a "hostess"? (I have rescinded my invitation for her to be a member of my wedding. Too rash?) -- FEELING USED IN STOW, OHIO

DEAR FEELING USED: I don't blame you for feeling used. You were treated shamefully. You were a victim of "bait and switch." Your duties should have ended when the ceremony began. Instead, you paid $1,000 to be treated like a caterer.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be reminded of this incident at the time of your own wedding. So don't second-guess yourself about your decision to uninvite this "blushing bride."

DEAR ABBY: I am a happy-go-lucky 15-year-old girl. My parents have a good marriage, and for the most part we enjoy a great home life. I'm an only child. My problem is my dad. He insists that I go on a diet, and until I do, he won't let me participate in my favorite activity in the world -- ice skating.

I am 5 feet 3 inches tall and weigh 135 pounds. I don't feel or look overweight, and I am not an overeater. I don't understand my dad's reasoning. It seems to me that exercise is the one thing I need most, and maybe to eat less of those carbs I love.

At the same time, I want to be a normal teen who can occasionally enjoy a sundae or banana split when I'm with friends. I don't want to have to worry about what to tell Dad when he asks me what I ate -- which he always does.

Abby, I need to know how to handle this so I can please my dad and still have fun with my friends. Sign me ... NOT CHUBBY IN LOGAN, UTAH

DEAR NOT CHUBBY: I don't know what has caused your father to fixate on your weight, but before this power struggle goes any further, both of you should schedule an appointment with your pediatrician to discuss the importance of a balanced diet AND healthy exercise. Please don't wait. Clip this column and show it to your dad.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)