DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my boyfriend, "Pete," moved from New Hampshire to Missouri to be close to me. We have been living together for one year. Pete's family still reside in New Hampshire, so he rarely sees them.

Pete is very reluctant to visit my family here, because when he does, he says it makes him miss his own family. I think he is just making an excuse not to socialize with my family -- who love him.

We are supposed to be married next year. Help! -- MARY IN MISSOURI

DEAR MARY: I see a red flag. Your family appears to be warm and welcoming. Have you met Pete's family? Do you know what they are like, and what their relationship is with Pete? I'm concerned that your fiance is uncomfortable around your family. His absence must cast a pall over family get-togethers. This is a poor way to start a permanent relationship. I advise premarital counseling for the both of you -- and a long engagement.

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply disturbed by the recent horrific accident in Santa Monica, Calif., where an elderly man hit the gas pedal instead of the brake and killed many people in an outdoor farmers' market. I have witnessed several similar accidents.

Recently I saw a middle-aged woman drive into a car wash and hit the gas instead of the brake. Fortunately, the attendant was able to jump out of the way or he would have been crushed between two cars. Another gentleman (not elderly) rolled his new car because of the same problem.

I am only 42 and have also stepped on the wrong pedal a few times, but so far have been lucky and not caused any damage.

Abby, please print my letter so that car manufacturers will ask their designers to move the gas pedal farther away from the brakes. -- WANTING TO HELP IN WHEELING

DEAR WANTING TO HELP: I'm printing your letter because it is thought-provoking. Other readers have also written to me making the same point. It appears possible that the design does need to be improved. Perhaps your letter will start the process and another tragedy will be averted.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl with a problem. My best friend, "Jenny," is jealous of my other friends. When they're around, Jenny gets sulky and has a bad attitude. When it's only the two of us, and I happen to comment about another friend, she gets mad and says I spend all my time talking about them. Not true.

I don't know how to tell Jenny that she's still my best friend, but I need other people in my life, too. She is really tugging on our "friendship line," if you know what I mean. I've told my mom about it and she agrees with me, but we can't figure out what to do. Please help, Abby. -- FRUSTRATED FRIEND IN MONTANA

DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: Your friend acts this way because she is insecure and somewhat jealous. She is afraid of being pushed out of your circle. What Jenny fails to realize is that the harder she clings and tries to isolate you, the more she's pushing you away. Tell her that you need more than just one friend -- and so does she. It's the truth.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old who has already ruined her life. I stay up late, eat tons of junk food and yell at my sisters. It may not sound that bad, but on more than one occasion I have stayed up way past midnight.

I'm known as the one in the family who can drink a six-pack of soda at one sitting and eat can after can of tuna fish. My sisters are so worried about me, I've driven them to tears.

Every week I put on more weight. I've got acne and my teeth are horrible. Please help me, Abby. Nobody in my family understands what I'm going through. -- UNHAPPY WITH MYSELF IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR UNHAPPY: It sometimes takes a series of "baby steps" to change patterns that don't work for you. Self-improvement cannot be accomplished overnight, so please stop being so hard on yourself.

There is help for each of the problems you have described. The first step is to ask your parents to schedule an appointment for you with your pediatrician to discuss your nutrition and anger issues. Your doctor also can refer you to a dentist and a dermatologist. You would sleep better if you began a regular program of exercise.

P.S. A final thought: If your parents are unable to help, talk to a counselor at school when it resumes in the fall.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from high school and will attend college in the fall. I will be rooming with my good friend, "Marla," whom I have known since second grade.

Marla's father has decided he won't buy her a computer (one of the school's admission requirements) or let her take her car to college. The reason? He expects me to allow Marla to use my computer when she needs it -- and to drive my car! Marla doesn't understand that this is unfair, and sees no problem with it.

Abby, I feel used, disrespected and hurt. I don't feel a friend would be so presumptuous. How can I set her straight? -- ANGRY IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANGRY: Have your parents call Marla's father and straighten him out regarding the computer and the car. Since the computer is an admission requirement, one must be provided for her. And as for your car -- no one should drive it who isn't listed as an "additional" driver on your insurance policy. Period.

P.S. Do not blame Marla. She is just trying to follow her father's "wishes."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman in need of your advice. About five years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. You could call us high school sweethearts. We dated for a year and nine months.

We broke up when he went into the Air Force, but I'm still very much in love with him. We e-mail each other almost every day, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him how I feel. Perhaps your advice could help me make the right decision. -- SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH A MILITARY MAN

DEAR SECRETLY IN LOVE: Some secret! He already knows you care for him since you are e-mailing him almost daily. And it's a safe bet that he has similar feelings. Tell him how much his communications mean to you and sign the next message "Love." After that, the next move is his.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. Last summer, I met "Irwin," a friend of my brother's. Irwin and I became good friends, and over time, I came to deeply respect and care for him. A few months ago, Irwin left to intern at a senator's office. He's finishing his senior year there.

As we were saying goodbye, he hugged and kissed me on the cheek, muttered something under his breath, then proceeded to kiss me gently on the lips. Irwin and I are both shy, and I don't know what to make of the kiss.

Could he possibly care for me, too? I don't know if kissing a friend on the lips is considered a "friendly gesture," or if it means something more romantic. I'm relying on your advice, Abby, so I'll know what to do when Irwin returns home. -- IT STARTED WITH A KISS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR IT STARTED WITH A KISS: It would be helpful if you could remember what Irwin muttered under his breath. When he comes marching home again, greet him with a kiss. Shyness can be overcome, and I think you've hooked a live one.

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion. I'm 40, married 17 years, and have two young children. My husband has never been romantic -- no hugs, kisses, flowers or gifts. Once I asked him to just bring me a flower from our garden. Still nothing. He knows how much a little show of affection would mean to me. We've had many discussions about it, and I always end up in tears.

Well, I've met someone. He gives me hugs and small, thoughtful gifts, and he's willing to sit and talk to me for hours. This man makes me feel special, attractive and happy. I've had opportunities like this before, but I always held back because of my marriage. No more. I'm lonely and need to feel loved as much as I need air. Where do I go from here, Abby? -- CRAVING ATTENTION, NO CITY, NO STATE

DEAR CRAVING: You have a right to be happy, but having an affair is not the way to accomplish it. Stop the affair and offer your husband the option of counseling. If he refuses to go, go without him. Right now you are like a flower in the desert. Counseling will help you to decide rationally if you are better off with or without your spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Chuck" for eight years. We have lived together for seven.

Chuck and I haven't been physically intimate for more than five years. He long ago stopped saying those sweet "I love yous" every woman wants to hear.

I suspect that he doesn't love me anymore, and that he's having an affair with his ex-wife. I'm a good cook and I've always taken good care of him when he gets sick. I think that Chuck is living with me out of convenience.

What do you think I should do? Please don't tell me to leave him, because I haven't got the courage. -- STUCK AND UNHAPPY

DEAR STUCK AND UNHAPPY: Gather your courage, count to 10, and chuck Chuck. I guarantee that once you take the step, you'll experience enormous relief. I wouldn't wish anyone I cared about the life you are living now. You are a giver. You deserve to be happy and cherished, and you shouldn't settle for anything less.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)