DEAR ABBY: "Smiling Through the Pain," a reader who has suffered with chronic pain since childhood, offered some wonderful suggestions to other people in her predicament.

I am 13, and I want her to know her message was very inspirational to me and helped me to realize a lot. I have depression and suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder called trichotillomania (hair pulling). I have considered suicide and I am in therapy.

When I read that letter, I felt like "Smiling Through the Pain" was talking directly to me. It made me realize that there IS a way to bounce back from the pain I have been experiencing.

I would like to thank that person for giving me back the hope that I lost a long time ago. -- A NOT-QUITE TYPICAL TEEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TEEN: I'm sure the writer will be as delighted as I was to read your letter. I wish you continued success in therapy. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Like "Smiling Through the Pain," I, too, suffer from chronic pain. When my doctor told me that there were no medications at this time that would make the pain go away, I asked, "How am I going to endure this?"

She replied, "Live one day at a time. Live each day to the fullest. Laugh heartily, love deeply, pray daily -- and let the rest roll off."

I then asked, "How am I going to live with the pain?"

She said, "Surround yourself with positive things -- positive people, sunshine, rainbows, roses, puppies and kittens."

After reflecting upon what she had said, I realized that this is a great prescription for anyone's life. That doctor probably saved mine. Not only did she give my monstrous disease a name, she helped me to make my life worth living again.

I have good days and bad. I curse the bad ones and praise God for the good ones. The "good" pain comes when I have accomplished what I wanted to do that day. The "bad" pain comes when I refrain from doing what I want to do -- and hurt anyway.

Every day I get up, get dressed and have something planned to do. And, Abby, I try to perform at least one act of kindness for someone each day. Regardless of my pain, it makes each day seem fuller.

I hope you will find this letter appropriate to share with your readers. If it helps someone else who is hurting (for whatever reason), then my effort will not have been in vain. -- TRYING TO SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN, PARK HILLS, MO.

DEAR TRYING: I don't know what act of will it took for you to compose your letter, but it is certainly worth space in my column. Your doctor is a wise woman, and you are far more than a survivor. Your philosophy will help more people than you know, and on my behalf and theirs, I thank you for sharing it. I wish you continued success in your daily battle. You are an inspiration.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have an older sister who ruins our family vacations. She turns everything into an argument and makes it impossible to enjoy family time together. We're going on a two-week trip soon and I don't want it to be a disaster. How can I get my sister to behave and not start World War III? -- SISTER TROUBLES IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SISTER: You are not responsible for your sister's behavior. Don't give her the power to spoil your vacation. When she acts out, distance yourself and tune her out. It appears you are more mature at 13 than she is.

If things do not improve soon, suggest to your parents that you ALL get to family counseling. It will be an opportunity to express your feelings with a professional therapist who will listen and help to improve your family's interaction.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "No Name, City or State," the 17-year-old boy who was scared because when he tries to break up with his girlfriend, she cuts herself.

Several years ago, my teenage daughter had a slumber party. "Lynn," one of my daughter's friends, was one of the guests. During the night, Lynn began cutting herself and tried to attack another girl with a broken mirror. My daughter woke me, and I called the sheriff's department. They came and took Lynn to a hospital.

We didn't see her for two years, but six months ago Lynn dropped by our home. She hugged us and started to cry. She said, "Thank you so much for caring enough to DO something. I see now that I was crying for help." Lynn is still in therapy and under treatment for depression.

Abby, that young man should not hesitate to do whatever needs to be done to get his girlfriend the help she needs. -- A MOM IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS

DEAR MOM: The young man has already taken a giant step in the right direction. He has defined the problem and asked an adult (me) what to do about it.

Your experience clearly illustrates the benefit of taking immediate action and getting a person who is a threat to herself and others into the medical system.

DEAR ABBY: This morning my husband of five years, "Frank," called me by his ex-wife's name. It made me furious because it's something he's done from time to time. I'm still fuming and have managed to avoid him all day.

Don't get me wrong. I'm cordial to Wife No. 1. I make every effort to cooperate with her because of the children involved -- but being called by her name is like a slap in the face.

If I tell Frank, I know he'll say I'm overreacting. What do you think, Abby? -- WIFE NO. 2 IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE NO. 2: Go to the stationery store and buy some "Hello, my name is ( )" stickers. Plaster one on your shoulder and one on your nightie. That should get his attention and your message across without being heavy-handed.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a gentleman I'll call Clint for about a month. We are both divorced, in our early 40s and live 10 minutes apart. Clint has two children.

When Clint calls, I always make myself available -- even if it's 11 p.m. or later. He usually spends the night with me, then leaves first thing in the morning. My problem is he never wants to take me out anywhere, like to dinner and a movie. If he doesn't come to my house, I'll go to his -- and we always end up in bed.

Am I setting myself up for disappointment? Your thoughts, please. -- WANTING MORE IN BUFFALO

DEAR WANTING MORE: It depends on what you want from this relationship. You have described a bed partner, not a life partner. Tell Clint exactly how you feel about this arrangement. You'll know where this ship is heading by his reaction.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has a 3-foot-deep swimming pool in her yard. My two granddaughters, ages 5 and 9, have been playing in it all summer with friends their ages.

I am deeply concerned because they are out there alone for hours. They are not supervised by an adult or competent teenager. I'm worried because I know a horrible accident can happen very quickly. Do you think I am being overly protective? -- DISTRESSED NANA IN NEBRASKA

DEAR DISTRESSED NANA: No, I do not. Even adults should not swim alone. If something were to "go wrong" with one of the children in the pool, someone who knows how to react in an emergency -- or recognize that it IS an emergency -- should be present in a supervisory capacity. To do otherwise is child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: "Graciela in Brazil" said she has been dating a young man for only a month, and that he is pushing so hard for an exclusive relationship that she "sometimes feels suffocated." You advised that his behavior is one of the warning signs of an abuser.

About 10 years ago, I met a woman who is now my ex-wife. I "overlooked" the fact that she initially lied to me about the fact she was married. She left her "controlling" husband, and we entered into an immediate sexual and exclusive relationship (I slept with her the night we met). On a scale of one to 10, our passion level was about a 12.

After three months, she pushed for marriage and I went along. She said, "Let's set a wedding date," even though she didn't know when her divorce would be final. The next time we were shopping, she suggested buying our wedding bands so we would have them when the time came. In spite of the fact I felt things were moving too quickly, I went along with everything because I didn't want to be perceived as noncommittal -- and our passion was boundless.

We were married five days after her divorce was final, even though we'd had some heavy-duty arguments during the 10 months we dated. Those arguments stemmed from one issue: She felt threatened by my past relationships. I couldn't convince her that I had absolutely no contact with any of my former girlfriends. If there was a hang-up on my answering machine, she suspected an old girlfriend was trying to contact me.

I believe, in retrospect, if her first husband was controlling, she saw in me someone SHE could control. I had sent her that message loud and clear when I let slide her lying to me about her marital status when we met.

I know all of this is water over the dam, but I'm curious. Am I off base in believing she was a controlling person herself? -- NEVER AGAIN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEVER AGAIN: What a story! I'd say you are right on target with your assessment. I suspect your former wife was terrified of being alone and on her own -- and you were the safety net she grabbed onto. Of course, there were warning signs all over the place, all of which are visible with hindsight.

It's time to pinpoint what need in yourself was filled by allowing her to lie to you and lead you around by the nose. Counseling would be helpful to you in closing this chapter of your life. If you haven't done so already, I recommend you get a referral.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)