DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from "Sick of Being Cupid," the Manhattan, N.Y., office worker who was required to provide female dates to her bosses. As someone who has committed sexual harassment against co-workers in the past, I feel compelled to comment.

If ever there was a case of sexual harassment, this is it. However, Abby, although I agree with your reply, it did not go far enough. "Sick of Being Cupid" should do the following:

(1) In addition to documenting the times and places where she was asked to provide her bosses with "dates" or escorts, she must also document to whom she spoke and what was discussed in terms of what would happen on the date(s) and what, if any, compensation "Sick" was due.

(2) Research the company to see if her bosses have bosses of their own to whom they are accountable.

(3) Find and hire an attorney who specializes in employment law to represent her interests.

(4) Contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) offices in the jurisdiction where she works, and file a sexual harassment claim. (The address and phone number should be in the government pages at the front of her telephone directory.)

By punishing her for her inability to provide them with dates, "Sick's" bosses are creating a hostile work environment. Not only is their behavior contemptible, it is also a violation of federal and New York state law. She should not have her job placed in jeopardy by a couple of idiots who can't find dates for themselves. I urge "Sick" to follow my suggestions so that she may receive justice. -- OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE IN OREGON

DEAR OTHER SIDE: It seems you learned these lessons the hard way. I'm sure that "Sick" -- and many other employees -- will find your letter useful. Thank you for writing and welcome back to the human race.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dance recital coming up, and I'm afraid the other girls in my troupe will forget what to do. Can you help? -- WORRIED IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR WORRIED: Nervousness before a performance is normal. However, the most important thing is to enjoy your time on stage. The way to prevent an embarrassing lapse of memory during a performance is to practice, practice, practice until the routine is second nature to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: My father died a few months ago. Mother is suffering and clearly distraught. They were married 44 years. I love my mom and want to help her, but she is constantly telling me how much "torturous pain" she's in. She has always had a martyr complex and has been needy, dependent and childlike. My mother is healthy and works full time, yet I can't help feeling she is somehow using Dad's death to manipulate me into filling her emotional needs and placing me in the role of parent. (I already have three young children.)

I have suggested to Mom that she go to a bereavement group or see an individual therapist. She heard me, but has done nothing about it. Is there anything else I can do? -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes. Take your mother by the hand to some bereavement group sessions. It will give both of you a chance to bring your issues out into the open. Also, if your mother's "pain" (translation: depression) does not begin to abate, inform her doctor. She may need anti-depressant medication to help her through this difficult period.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: People want to stay healthy at any age. In order to accomplish that, they need the most current information on how to prevent disease. They also need a practical tool to help them when they talk to their doctors.

The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ), part of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS), has developed screening test checklists for women and men, which include the most recent recommendations from the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. They describe which tests you need, when and why.

"Women: Stay Healthy at Any Age, A Checklist for Your Next Checkup" lists screening tests such as mammograms, Pap smears, colorectal cancer and depression, and pointers on eating a healthy diet and quitting smoking.

"Men: Stay Healthy at Any Age, A Checklist for Your Next Checkup" contains a similar checklist, including prostate cancer screening, STDs, cholesterol checks, blood pressure and an immunization schedule.

I hope you will pass the word along to your readers, Abby. -- TOMMY G. THOMPSON, SECRETARY, HHS

DEAR SECRETARY THOMPSON: Thank you for a helpful letter. Effective medical care consists not only of curing illness, but also in giving people the necessary tools to prevent disease.

Dear Abby readers can request these free, pocket-size booklets in English or Spanish by calling the AHRQ publications clearinghouse toll-free: (800) 358-9295, or sending an e-mail: ahrqpubs@ahrq.gov. To download these prevention and wellness booklets -- and many others -- visit the Web site: www.ahrq.gov/consumer.

DEAR ABBY: I am home for the summer after my freshman year at college and need some advice about my mother's behavior.

Before I left, I thought Mom and I had a normal mother/daughter relationship. However, the whole time I was away at school, not once did she ever call, write or e-mail me. (My father did stay in close contact.)

Now that I'm home, Mother gets annoyed by everything I do and say. Five days ago, I became so stressed about my summer job and things going on in my personal life that I started to cry. Mom marched into my room and screamed at me to "stop bawling!"

I screamed back, telling her to leave me alone. She continued to yell at me, saying I don't appreciate all she's done for me. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have always been grateful to both of my parents and have worked hard to make them proud of me.

Then Mom floored me by saying she "didn't need me around" and "didn't want me anymore." I ran out of my room sobbing and we haven't spoken since. She occupies herself with her girlfriends and her women's club.

Abby, my poor father feels caught in the middle. Can you please help me sort out what to do? -- SAD AND DESPERATE IN VERMONT

DEAR SAD AND DESPERATE: Have a frank talk with your father about your mother and find out what has caused her change of behavior. You are an adult, and you have the right to know. It appears that she is overwhelmed, stressed and angry about something -- and it may have nothing to do with you. Since there appears to be a major communication problem right now, ask your father to schedule some appointments so the three of you can talk this out in family counseling. If your mother refuses to go, you and your father should go without her.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Sammy," and I have been living together for three years. We have an 8-month-old son. About two months ago, my sister "Angie" went to Sammy and asked to borrow money. She told me he winked at her and said they could "work something out" and she wouldn't have to pay him back.

Angie told Sammy she wouldn't have sex with him because of me and the baby. Sammy said, "No one would ever have to know." He made it sound like a business deal.

When I asked Sammy in front of my sister if he had been joking or serious, he just laughed. Now I'm wondering if he makes "deals" like this with other women.

Things haven't been the same between my sister and me since the incident -- even though I know she did nothing wrong. Angie says she regrets telling me about Sammy's offer. She says he's a good man who made a mistake, and she urged me not to walk away from him.

Now no matter what Sammy says, I don't believe him. I don't trust him anymore. Please tell me if I've got it all wrong, Abby. -- UNSURE AND UNHAPPY IN THE BRONX

DEAR UNSURE AND UNHAPPY: You haven't got it all wrong. You have the whole sordid story about what happened. It's time to move on. And if I were you, I'd consult a lawyer and work out a "business deal" of my own -- namely, child support and custody rights for the baby.

P.S. One day you'll realize how much courage it took for your sister to speak up.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Debbie," just turned 15. The problem is, an 18-year-old boy wants to hang out with her this summer and get to know her. Her father and I feel he is too old for her and have told her so. We think we are only asking for trouble if we allow it. Debbie is upset with us and is pushing the subject.

Are we doing the right thing? We trust her -- but we don't trust him. -- CARRIE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CARRIE: You are doing the right thing. Enforcing the rules is part of responsible parenting. Keep in mind that good parents are not always popular with their children.

Explain to Debbie that you are concerned about the balance of power in a relationship where there's such a disparity of age and experience. Tell her that in spite of her trustworthiness, it would be difficult to establish and enforce boundaries with someone that much older.

Perhaps it would be helpful for your daughter to participate in activities and sports with teens her own age. Goal-setting for college should also be a focus.

DEAR ABBY: I have a crush on a guy at church, and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too. The problem is, my parents think I'm too young to be interested in boys. I'm almost 12.

I've given this a lot of thought. Abby, would you please give me some advice on how to break it to my mom and dad that I like boys? -- JENNIFER IN ALABAMA

DEAR JENNIFER: Start out by saying, "Folks -- I've got some good news and some bad news. Your little girl is growing up ..."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)