DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Sammy," and I have been living together for three years. We have an 8-month-old son. About two months ago, my sister "Angie" went to Sammy and asked to borrow money. She told me he winked at her and said they could "work something out" and she wouldn't have to pay him back.

Angie told Sammy she wouldn't have sex with him because of me and the baby. Sammy said, "No one would ever have to know." He made it sound like a business deal.

When I asked Sammy in front of my sister if he had been joking or serious, he just laughed. Now I'm wondering if he makes "deals" like this with other women.

Things haven't been the same between my sister and me since the incident -- even though I know she did nothing wrong. Angie says she regrets telling me about Sammy's offer. She says he's a good man who made a mistake, and she urged me not to walk away from him.

Now no matter what Sammy says, I don't believe him. I don't trust him anymore. Please tell me if I've got it all wrong, Abby. -- UNSURE AND UNHAPPY IN THE BRONX

DEAR UNSURE AND UNHAPPY: You haven't got it all wrong. You have the whole sordid story about what happened. It's time to move on. And if I were you, I'd consult a lawyer and work out a "business deal" of my own -- namely, child support and custody rights for the baby.

P.S. One day you'll realize how much courage it took for your sister to speak up.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Debbie," just turned 15. The problem is, an 18-year-old boy wants to hang out with her this summer and get to know her. Her father and I feel he is too old for her and have told her so. We think we are only asking for trouble if we allow it. Debbie is upset with us and is pushing the subject.

Are we doing the right thing? We trust her -- but we don't trust him. -- CARRIE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CARRIE: You are doing the right thing. Enforcing the rules is part of responsible parenting. Keep in mind that good parents are not always popular with their children.

Explain to Debbie that you are concerned about the balance of power in a relationship where there's such a disparity of age and experience. Tell her that in spite of her trustworthiness, it would be difficult to establish and enforce boundaries with someone that much older.

Perhaps it would be helpful for your daughter to participate in activities and sports with teens her own age. Goal-setting for college should also be a focus.

DEAR ABBY: I have a crush on a guy at church, and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too. The problem is, my parents think I'm too young to be interested in boys. I'm almost 12.

I've given this a lot of thought. Abby, would you please give me some advice on how to break it to my mom and dad that I like boys? -- JENNIFER IN ALABAMA

DEAR JENNIFER: Start out by saying, "Folks -- I've got some good news and some bad news. Your little girl is growing up ..."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met "Racquel" at work and we quickly became close friends. We go out, talk on the phone and share our feelings daily. I have fallen in love with her, and tell her often how much she means to me. I feel ready to take the next step and officially become girlfriend and boyfriend.

Racquel tells me she "isn't sure" where our friendship will lead, and that she is still getting over her ex. (Their relationship ended more than a year ago.)

Last week, she went to her ex's house and they had sex. She told me after it happened and said she knew right away she had made a mistake -- and realized what a true friend I am.

Abby, we cried together. Should I forgive her and hang onto the hope she will now want to have a serious relationship with me? -- SO IN LOVE IT HURTS

DEAR SO IN LOVE: Forgive her, but realize that when she confided what happened, she told you exactly how she feels about you. She considers you to be a "true FRIEND."

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it appears you are not going to have the romantic relationship with her that you would like.

DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday afternoon, I attended a cousin's baby shower hosted by our "Aunt Flo." It was held at a local restaurant, and Flo provided the cake and decorations. The guests were expected to pay for their own meals and drinks.

The invitation revealed nothing about this arrangement. Those of us attending didn't find out until we called to RSVP. It seems unfair to burden guests with this cost, when they are also paying for a baby gift -- not to mention travel expenses for those who came from out of town.

Not wanting to disappoint the mom-to-be, I attended -- even though the afternoon ended up being a big strain on my budget. What do you think about this, Abby? -- INDIGNANT OR IGNORANT IN IOWA

DEAR I OR I: Aunt Flo did not "host" the shower -- she simply arranged it. When a no-host party invitation is issued, it should clearly state that guests will be expected to pay their own way.

DEAR ABBY: During the last 20 years of my husband's career, he was involved with a woman at work. They went to lunch, shopping and company parties. She was heavyset and wore garish makeup. I am tall, slender and don't need makeup. People who know me refer to me as a "no-nonsense" woman. I have my own business and have traveled the world promoting my artwork.

Once my husband took some of my custom-made jewelry to work to show his "gal pal." When he came home, he told me her comment was, "It looks like cheap costume jewelry."

After my husband retired and became ill, this woman came to our home and told me to my face that although she could, she would never take a man from his family. I said, "Go ahead -- take him!"

He's been ill now several years, and she has finally quit sending him two to three cards a day. He misses her terribly. His girlfriend should not have dropped him, but she did. So after 42 years of marriage, he's just got me. -- STEADY AS A ROCK IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STEADY: I'd say your husband is the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. A lot of other wives would have said they deserved each other and walked out.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After having been laid off from work and talking to other people in the same boat, I have discovered that many of us share similar experiences. With our economy what it is, I would like to offer some suggestions on how to help the unemployed through a difficult time:

(1) Because the individual seems OK doesn't mean he or she really is. Being laid off is traumatic. There are bound to be major adjustments and self-doubt. The tendency is to keep emotions bottled up. Be there for them. Your support can make all the difference.

(2) Call or visit regularly. Someone who's unemployed can feel isolated. Unless you've been through it yourself, you have no idea how lost and useless a person feels. Someone taking time out of his or her busy schedule to call, e-mail or visit can mean the world.

(3) Just because money may be tight, don't be afraid to extend an invitation to go out together. If money is an issue, offer to treat -- or do something that doesn't cost anything.

(4) Don't be afraid to ask how things are going. Job hunting can be discouraging and frustrating. It's a relief to be able to vent!

(5) If you promised to look out for job opportunities, please keep your word. He or she can use all the help you can give. Also, a personal referral might be just the ticket to get a foot in the door. (Especially now, when employers receive hundreds of resumes for every opening.) On the flip side, do not refer the person for just any job. Be sure it suits the individual's background and is what he or she is seeking.

(6) Don't think that because the person hasn't found something right away, he or she is lazy. It takes some people a year -- or more -- to find another job. Do not be judgmental.

(7) Appreciate your own job, even on the bad days, because it could be worse -- YOU could be the one laid off! If it could happen to me, it could happen to you. -- SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

DEAR SOMEONE: Thank you for a terrific letter filled with practical and sensitive advice. Many individuals have found themselves out of work through no fault of their own, and often they become isolated because their friends feel awkward or don't realize they need emotional support.

DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Jennifer," is being married next month. She and her mother (my sister) have a strained relationship due to her mother's substance abuse and addictions. For this reason, I have acted as my niece's surrogate mother for the last 20 years.

Jenny invited her mother to the wedding, but asked her to come sober or not to show up. If my sister attends her daughter's wedding, how should she be treated as the mother of the bride in regards to seating, photos, etc.? -- FULLERTON, CALIF., AUNT

DEAR AUNT: Your sister should be seated with family, not necessarily at the head table. She should be included in at least one family photo and one with the bride and groom. It's the respectful and compassionate thing to do.

In case the bride's mother shows up "under the influence," arrangements should be made beforehand for her to be escorted out and safely transported back to her dwelling.

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