DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and cut myself on my wrists. I do it mostly when I get mad at someone. I also tried to choke myself when I was younger. One of my best friends and I talked about killing ourselves or running away.

I weigh 150 pounds. I weigh myself every night before I take a shower. I've tried to puke but it never comes up. I've also started skipping meals. My friends say I'm not fat, but my mom calls me chubby and pinches at the fat on my stomach.

My grades haven't been that great. I got three D's on my last report card. It's the worst I've ever done. I feel like I don't matter to anyone. My mom, friends, doctors and my aunt have asked what happened to my wrists (which is where I cut myself with scissors) and I tell them all the same thing -- "I don't know."

Abby, please help me. I want to end my life, but I don't have the guts. I still want to play in the Women's National Basketball Association when I get older, but I'm not sure I can wait. I don't want to go through this pain anymore. -- THIRTEEN WITH PROBLEMS

DEAR THIRTEEN WITH PROBLEMS: It's time for you to level with the people who love you. It is also time to call your doctor and tell him or her how you got the cuts on your wrists, and that you are fantasizing about suicide. No one will be angry with you or punish you. You may need medical help to overcome your self-destructive urges -- and to help you feel better about yourself.

Please understand that you are not alone in having this problem. It's one that is shared by many others. The good news is that help is available. Please write to S.A.F.E. Alternatives, Linden Oaks Hospital, 852 West St., Naperville, IL 60540, and include a legal-sized, self-addressed, stamped envelope. You can look it up on the Web site for more information, at www.selfinjury.com.

DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday night, my boyfriend, "Jimmy," and I went out, like always. When he brought me home, I invited him in for a glass of wine. Dad had gone to bed, and Mom was still up and watching TV in the den.

When I was in the kitchen pouring the wine, I overheard Mom tell Jimmy how "handsome and sexy" he looked. I was startled, so I peeked into the den and found my mother and boyfriend in a liplock.

I saw Jimmy run his hand down Mom's body and under her nightie. I was shocked! When I returned with the drinks, I didn't let on what I had seen, and they acted like nothing had happened.

Jimmy often likes to drop by the house and say hello to Mom, but I never thought it was anything more. What should I do? Should I confront Mom and my boyfriend? My biggest concern is Dad. Should I tell him -- or should I keep quiet? -- DESPERATE FOR ADVICE IN ALBANY

DEAR DESPERATE: I see no reason for you to carry this burden in silence. Tell your mother what you witnessed and how it made you feel. Then, tell Jimmy that the relationship is over.

You have been betrayed twice, and you have every reason to feel hurt and angry. Counseling can help you deal with your feelings. It would be helpful if you and your mother attend some sessions together. Your father should be told, but don't do it until you have had some sessions with your counselor.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "MICHELLE IN THE MIDWEST": Your fellow bus passengers are worried about your safety. Please call the Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. The people there can help you form an escape plan. Don't put it off!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, I've been dating "Victor," a guy I'd been carrying a torch for since high school. He's everything any woman would want in a man. We're both 30 and neither of us had been married before. Vic moved in with me, and we plan on being married next year. I had never been so happy.

Five months ago my world fell apart. I received a phone call from a 19-year-old girl who claimed she is two months pregnant with Vic's twins. I was seven months pregnant at the time. (I've since had a healthy baby boy.)

Vic was at work when the call came in, and when he got home I calmly questioned him about this girl and her "news." He admitted everything. He said he'd been seeing her for a year and a half. I was shocked. I thought I couldn't be more depressed -- until Vic came home last night and asked me if it would be OK if he attended birthing classes with this girl. I angrily told him to go right ahead -- then later changed my mind and flat-out refused.

Abby, I am confused and beyond hurt. Please tell me how to handle this. It's a nightmare that won't go away. Keep in mind that we're supposed to be getting married -- although I'm leaning toward calling off the wedding. -- HURTING IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR HURTING: Unless you, your son, Vic, his girlfriend and the twins plan to be one big, happy family -- call off the wedding. Not once in your letter did you indicate that your fiance was sorry about what happened.

In the meantime, there now will be three children to support. If you're smart, you'll talk to a lawyer TODAY to assure that the child you have with Vic will receive child support. Please don't wait. This man is untrustworthy and does not appear to be ready or willing to make a lifetime commitment to you.

DEAR ABBY: When getting an annulment or divorce, what is the length of time you have to be married before you may keep the wedding gifts? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Cash gifts should be returned if the marriage lasted less than a year. If you have been married long enough to open and use the wedding gifts, then you should keep them. However, if they have not been used, are still in their original boxes, and the marriage didn't last more than one year, offer to return them to the givers.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl with great friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm living the life of a college student. I have physical relationships with a lot of guys -- as well as my boyfriend. How can I get into a life where I feel like I'm more my age? -- ACTING OLDER IN SYRACUSE

DEAR ACTING OLDER: By recognizing that you're uncomfortable living in the fast lane, and writing to me, you have already taken the first step.

It's a misconception to think that all college students sleep around. They don't. If the teens in your circle of friends are doing it, then it's time you meet new people and channel your energy into new activities -- sports, theater, art, dance, etc.

But first, you must confide in an adult (ideally a parent) who can schedule a doctor's appointment so you can be checked for STDs and counseled about birth control.

I admire you for wanting to change what has become a destructive pattern. That is a sign of maturity.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a gambling problem. She plays bingo every night. She even took a lower-paying part-time job to devote more time to the game. She's close to retirement and has already gone through her life savings. She now lives off my deceased father's small pension.

I am the oldest of Mom's three sons. She routinely calls each of us to complain that she can't pay her bills. We give her what we can, but it has started causing problems between our spouses and us. We all work hard to support our families. Mother refuses to see how much trouble she's causing everyone.

We have tried talking to her about the gambling. She claims bingo is the only thing in life she enjoys and doesn't think she should have to give it up. What's the solution? -- STRESSED-OUT SON IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: As with any addiction, your mother cannot be helped unless she admits she has a problem. Under no circumstances should any of you accommodate her requests for money. Encourage her to contact Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017, or call (213) 386-8789. The Web site is www.gamblersanonymous.org.

An alternative would be the National Council on Problem Gambling, a nonprofit organization. It refers gamblers to qualified mental health professionals who have been trained to work with gamblers and their families. The hotline number is 1-800-522-4700; the Web site is www.ncpgambling.org.

The next time your mother asks for money, tell her only if it pays for her therapy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend, "Bobby," for almost two years. We moved in together after dating for only one month. Bobby and I love each other, and I think we belong together, but it doesn't take much for one of us to get mad at the other.

When it happens, it turns into a screaming match. On more than one occasion, one of us will pack our bags and threaten to move out. At that point, we usually stop and try to talk things out -- but nothing is ever truly resolved.

I now have an opportunity to move in with a girlfriend who is renting a house nearby. I have to give her an answer ASAP or she'll find another roommate. I think my relationship with Bobby MIGHT survive if we take a break from living together and date others. It would give us a chance to miss each other. Bobby disagrees. He says if I move out, it's over.

The truth is, I believe we will eventually break up whether I move out now or stay a little longer. Either way, I lose. Please help me make the right choice. -- TIRED OF THE TENSION ON THE FLORIDA COAST

DEAR TIRED: Listen to your intuition and move in with your girlfriend. That little voice is telling you your relationship with Bobby is winding down, not moving forward. Trust me, this is the right choice.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've seen news stories about people on vacation who lose their children, or who get injured and need to be rescued. Before venturing into the great outdoors, everyone should buy a small whistle that can be used to alert others if help is needed. It could be worn on a string around the neck or kept in a pocket. Thanks, Abby -- a little whistle could save a life. -- GIVES A TOOT IN POINT ARENA, CALIF.

DEAR GIVES A TOOT: I agree that a whistle can be handy to have in an emergency. However, I do NOT think that one should be placed around the neck of a small child. It's too easy for the cord to become tangled in something and cause a choking accident. Better to attach it to a keychain and attach the keychain to a belt loop.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)