DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old military wife. My husband is in the Army and was sent to Korea almost seven months ago, one month after we were married.

As much as I love my husband, I'm afraid I jumped too quickly into this marriage. More and more I wish I was single and could have relations with any man I wanted.

Right now, two guys are begging me to get a divorce, and a third guy is after me. I'm actually considering the third guy's offer because my feelings for him are so strong.

My husband and I do not correspond often. Am I losing feelings for him because he's so far away and we seldom speak? Or am I just a sad and lonely wife who craves attention? Please help me, Abby. I don't want to hurt my husband. -- IN NEED OF LOVE IN INDIANA

DEAR IN NEED: Only you can answer those questions. Counseling can help you discover what's really going on. Right now, you are bored and frustrated. Another man might be a quick fix, but it won't eliminate the reasons why you want to be unfaithful to your husband.

Whatever answer you arrive at, I urge you to wait before disclosing your ambivalence to your husband. He needs all the emotional support he can get while he's away.

DEAR ABBY: On May 1, we observed our son John's birthday. He died last year of melanoma. He would have been 34.

Most people are aware that the first birthday, holiday or other significant day following a death can be a difficult, painful day -- full of sadness for family and friends. What many people do not realize is how important it is for surviving family members to keep that person's memory alive. Others might be reluctant to mention the loved one out of fear of the pain they might cause; however, we WANT to hear from friends and relatives on those days. It is comforting.

I was lucky because some of John's friends sent e-mails, and other friends and relatives called or sent cards. Although I shed a few tears, I also laughed. So if you're wondering what to do for those who have lost a close family member or friend -- especially a child or life partner -- don't hesitate to communicate and share some of your favorite memories and thoughts. It will mean a lot. -- LEIGH FROM PHOENIX

DEAR LEIGH: You have stated it beautifully. When someone dies, people are often at a loss about what to say. Just saying, "You are in my thoughts today, and I am sorry for your loss" can be enough. As long as the message is sincere, it does not have to be flowery.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I believe our 9-year-old son, "Andy," will soon ask us if we ever tried marijuana. I tried it in college and I think I should admit it. Grass made me laugh, but it also made me lazy -- and I was unable to concentrate.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn't want to admit to Andy we smoked grass in college. He's afraid if our son finds out, he will be more inclined to try it.

How do you think we should handle this? -- WEEDING OUT THE TRUTH

DEAR WEEDING OUT: Honesty is the best policy. Tell your son the truth, including how it made you lazy and unable to concentrate. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a WARNING and not as an example."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker, "Kay," has the world's worst work ethic. She chats on the phone and e-mails her friends, plays games online, reads the paper, balances her checkbook all day long on company time.

Our office manager encourages us to work independently, so no one looks over our shoulders. My problem is I need Kay's daily reports and summaries before I can complete my projects. Every week I give her a list of deadlines but she disregards them. (She's too busy playing online solitaire.) When a deadline is missed, it becomes my fault, even though Kay is the cause.

I tried talking the problem over with our manager (without trashing Kay). Unfortunately, he didn't get the message and nothing has changed.

Coming to work used to make me happy. Now it fills me with dread because every day is a fight for survival. I am overwhelmed and swamped trying to overcompensate for my irresponsible co-worker. I'm tired of working my tail off while she messes around. Please help me resolve this in the most professional way possible. -- STRESSED-OUT IN OHIO

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Talk to your manager again, and this time be direct. It's time to stop protecting the guilty. Your future with the company may depend on it.

Keep your manager current on the status of your work. This way, he will understand in advance that you're not being given the data you need to complete your task -- and it will provide some much-needed insight to management.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old man happily married to my wife for 22 years. Before we met, I had an intimate relationship with a college sweetheart I'll call Amy.

Last summer, on a whim, I wrote Amy to find out how her life has turned out. Like me, she's been happily married for more than 20 years. Amy and I have since exchanged e-mails, family photos and a few phone calls -- strictly platonic. We live on opposite coasts and have no interest in rekindling our old romance. We just want to keep in touch.

The problem: I made the mistake of telling my wife that Amy and I have been "catching up," and to my surprise she said I was acting inappropriately for a married man. Tell me, Abby: Just because I'm married, do I need to give up all contact with former lovers and friends? Sign me ... WRONGLY ACCUSED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WRONGLY ACCUSED: A lot of water has gone under the bridge since that college romance fizzled. Perhaps what has made your wife uneasy is the frequency of the e-mails and phone calls. Talk to her about it and see if you can reach a compromise. A card at holiday time would not seem inappropriate, but more than that does seem unfair to your wife, especially if it bothers her.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Alana," and I have been dating for three months. (She is 16 and I'm 18.) I am about to meet her parents for the first time. My problem is I have a 10-month-old daughter from a previous relationship. Should I tell them I have a kid? Alana says her mom and dad would make us break up if they knew. I like Alana a lot, Abby. What should I do? -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: Meet your girlfriend's parents and let them get to know you for the wonderful person that you are -- but do NOT leave their house without leveling with them. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions about your obligations to the baby and the mother of your child. You should be given credit for honesty and for not hiding the truth.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The love of my life, "Stacy," and I have been together for 20 years -- married for 10. I adore her. We have three beautiful children.

I consider myself to be fairly good-looking. I work out regularly, have good hygiene and I'm in excellent health. I work hard at two jobs so Stacy can be home with the children. I make sure my family has the best of everything.

My problem is Stacy gives me very little affection. She is a loving person; however, she rarely touches me, lies in bed with me or kisses me. When we do make love, it's not as exciting as it was 20 years ago. I feel empty inside and I ache for some warmth.

Recently, at a business gathering, a slightly intoxicated female employee surprised me with a passionate goodnight kiss. It felt wonderful. I can't stop thinking about that feeling. I yearn for that same feeling with my beautiful wife, but she shows no interest.

I am desperate for advice. I don't know how to talk to Stacy about this. I am so preoccupied with these feelings that I can't keep my mind focused, and it's starting to affect my job performance. -- SOMETHING'S MISSING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOMETHING'S MISSING: You're working two jobs. Your wife is caring for three children under the age of 10. It's time for a second honeymoon where the two of you can spend time alone, get to know each other again, and rekindle the passion you once knew. Please make it a priority. It's important for the two of you to talk to each other and share feelings. That's where the true intimacy in marriage lies.

DEAR ABBY: In a letter you printed signed, "Watching My Garden Grow in Tulsa," the writer made clear the point that one person's weed is another's flower. That column inspired me to write a poem. I hope you like it. -- MARY G. SKELTON, LYNN HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR MARY: Like it? I love it! And I know my readers will, too. It is beautiful.

WEEDS -- THE BEAUTIES OF MY GARDEN

Weeds, to some, are like memories long past,

Needing to be plucked of the shadows they cast --

But I see their beauty, for God placed them there,

So that's where I leave them and tend to their care.

Their roots, growing deeply, hold fast and true,

As my faith, my love and my hope must do --

To garner my strength for another day,

To weather life's storms that come my way.

Where I see a flower and you see a weed,

Its presence and purpose fulfills my need --

To do what I can to manage the earth,

In my small garden, regardless of worth.

As I nurture my weeds and watch them grow,

There's something I've often wanted to know:

Could the loveliest rose, cursed with its thorn,

Be simply a weed -- imperfectly born?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)