DEAR ABBY: I have lived my entire life in constant pain. My childhood was rough. Now that I am an adult, I want to share some truths that I wish someone had shared with me -- in the hope that they will help a child who is struggling with physical or psychological pain today:

(1) Sometimes you feel like you're the only person in the world who knows what you are going through. You are right, because no one else can know what your specific pain feels like. However, other children have had experiences similar to what you are going through, and you don't have to face things alone.

(2) There are times you are going to be angry. That's only natural. What's happening to you is not fair, and it's OK to be angry about it. However, you must learn to deal with your anger and not lash out at others or become self-destructive.

(3) Sometimes you are going to be depressed. If it persists longer than two weeks, ask an adult for help -- a parent, a teacher or your doctor. If the first adult can't help you, KEEP ASKING. Depression makes everything harder than it should be. You can defeat it, but not alone.

(4) You have a right to understand what's wrong with you, what the doctors are doing about it, what medications you are on, and what the side effects might feel like. Sometimes adults want to "protect" children from the facts. They don't realize that what your imagination can conjure up will be far worse than the truth.

(5) If your treatment makes you feel bad, talk to your doctor about it. If you feel a doctor is not taking your problems seriously, immediately tell your parents or another responsible adult.

(6) Most of all, DON'T GIVE UP, even if you feel the odds are against you. Decide on a dream worth fighting for. Break your goals into small, doable steps -- and take one step at a time. You might not reach your goal, but if you don't try to get somewhere, you'll get nowhere.

Abby, I don't design rockets like I once dreamed of doing, but I do have my college degree, a good job and a loving spouse. While my life might be filled with physical pain, it's also filled with a greater amount of joy. Sign me ... SMILING THROUGH THE PAIN

DEAR SMILING: Thank you for an inspiring letter. I'm not surprised that you're smiling. You are a winner. And today, you have helped more people -- of all ages -- than you'll ever know.

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me how to mend an American flag? Ours is badly torn in two places. We put it up shortly after Sept. 11 and have flown it on its brass flagpole ever since. We want to treat it with respect, but don't know if there is a specific protocol. Please help. -- PATRIOTS IN CARBONDALE, ILL.

DEAR PATRIOTS: When a flag is damaged or faded, it should be retired and replaced. According to the American Legion Flag Etiquette brochure: "When a flag has served its useful purpose, it should be destroyed, preferably by burning. For individual citizens this should be done discreetly so that the act of destruction is not perceived as a protest or desecration."

Many American Legion Posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies on June 14, Flag Day, each year. There is a Web site: www.legion.org. (Click on "Our Flag.") This ceremony provides a dignified and solemn way of disposing of unserviceable flags.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Jill" is a 19-year-old college freshman. She recently revealed in a friend's Web diary that she had "chugged" an entire pitcher of beer and had to be carried to her dorm room, where her roommate (also drunk) made her drink water until she threw up. "First time drunk," she wrote -- then ended with the chilling words, "... and I can't wait to do it again."

Needless to say, my wife and I are extremely worried about Jill's binge drinking. Our problem is that the diary is supposed to be off-limits for my wife and me. We had promised our daughter that we'd remove her friend's name from all buddy lists on our home computer -- but it wasn't done, and we have continued to read her diary online.

As I see it, her mother and I have three options: (1) Wait and say nothing, but continue to monitor the situation to see if the "first drunk" was a one-time occurrence; (2) call the college and express concern that they're not doing enough to keep alcohol off campus and away from underage drinkers; or (3) speak directly to Jill, admit we're guilty of reading her diary, and try to discuss the danger of binge drinking (knowing that such a discussion may not be well received).

Abby, our daughter has always been close to us and generally shared her thoughts and feelings. She's our oldest and has usually shown good judgment. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- CONCERNED PARENTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR PARENTS: You cannot ignore this and hope it will go away. Speak to your daughter and don't apologize. I'm sad to say that binge drinking is a real problem on many college campuses. Let Jill know the alarm that her disclosure has caused you. Assure her of your love and support, and inform her in a nonjudgmental and nonthreatening way that you expect her to obey the law and protect her own safety and well-being.

Binge drinking among college students has very serious health and safety implications. Alcohol poisoning can be fatal, and girls who get blind drunk make themselves vulnerable to sexual assault. Your daughter is on the verge of adulthood, and she needs to be equipped to make mature, responsible decisions about things that could affect her health and her future.

Arm yourselves with factual information about the potential health, safety and legal consequences of binge drinking. The National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information (1-800-729-6686) offers the fact sheets "Binge Drinking in Adolescents and College Students," and "The Role of Parents in Preventing Underage Drinking." You can also find them on the Web at http://ncadi.samhsa.gov. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional with a good income and have been dating "Barry," a man who isn't exactly a pauper. I recently invited Barry for a weekend at an upscale resort.

The room and one meal were paid for by my company. This man ordered numerous poolside drinks, put them on my tab, and never tipped the waiter a cent.

On our last night, when Barry suggested that dinner would be his treat as a thank-you gesture, he asked me if I'd split an entree with him. Abby, is he or is he not a gigolo? -- STILL AMAZED IN PHOENIX

DEAR STILL AMAZED: Unless Barry was hired to spend the weekend, he is not a gigolo. He may not be a pauper -- and is certainly not a prince -- but he is, however, cheap, cheap, cheap. Run!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Until a few months ago I was a full-time homemaker. In the process of easing back into the profession I left when my children came along, I took a part-time job.

All of a sudden, the other stay-at-home moms in my circle, whom I thought were close friends, began giving me the cold shoulder. They started screening their calls, stopped returning my messages, dropped out of our carpool, and no longer allowed their kids to play with mine.

When I mentioned this to my female colleagues, several of them described similar experiences. Abby, it's difficult for me to understand the behavior of these women. Is it jealousy or resentment? Can't they see how much we still have in common and that we share the same goals -- providing a good home for our families? Please offer me some insight. -- A WORKING MOM

DEAR WORKING MOM: The behavior you have described is mean-spirited. Forget the "insight" and cultivate friendships with other working mothers. They will understand the pressures you face, and perhaps you can take turns sharing the responsibilities of parenting.

DEAR ABBY: Last year my husband and I had an "altercation." I pressed charges and he went to jail. Big mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut. (That's what started the fight in the first place -- although it was his fault for assaulting me.)

I called our son in Germany and told him about the incident. Now he refuses to speak to his dad. They were fairly close before -- not now. My son and his wife have a new baby and they want to send me a ticket to visit them this summer. I want to go, but since Hubby and I are working things out with the help of a psychiatrist and our minister, I wouldn't feel right going without him. Should I go or stay home? I love them all and don't want to have to choose between them. -- HALF-PACKED TO GO

DEAR HALF-PACKED: Since you are asking me to choose for you, I recommend that you postpone visiting your son until the psychotherapy and marriage counseling are finished. Explain to your son and his wife that you very much want to visit them and meet your new grandchild, but saving your marriage has to take priority.

I commend your son for wanting to protect you. I hope if there are any more violent incidents that you will have enough self-esteem and conviction to call the police and exit the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: A recent letter mentioned insensitive remarks made about those of us who do not fit "the norm." It reminded me of a wonderful memory of my beautiful, intelligent daughter who is now in her 40s. She was born with a noticeable birthmark near her left eye. While she was growing up, in supermarkets, on playgrounds, etc., people would comment about it -- much to my chagrin.

One day, in answer to a passer-by's inquiry, she replied, "When God made me he touched me there, and said, 'She's done!'" The person's jaw dropped -- and I LOVED it! -- STILL PROUD MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STILL PROUD MOM: You and your daughter both deserve to be commended. You, for instilling in your daughter an unshakable sense of self-esteem. And your daughter for having the wisdom to understand that we are ALL as God made us.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)