DEAR ABBY: Last summer I met "Lauren," a single mom who was new to our neighborhood. We began jogging together in the mornings. When she needed help trimming a tree, I volunteered my husband, "Dave," who was happy to help.

After that, Lauren began calling Dave for every favor she needed -- going with her to buy tires, helping to paint two bedrooms of her house, getting an estimate on her car and taking her kids on motorcycle rides -- some of which last all day. Lauren recently told Dave she doesn't like me, and that I have started false rumors about her, which is totally untrue!

Both my husband and Lauren maintain they're "just friends." Clearly, she has become more HIS friend than mine. When an attractive, single woman calls a married man eight times in a two-hour period -- something's up.

Dave says I need to "deal with it" -- that he has a good time with her and her kids, and he's sorry I feel he's putting me second. It's to the point that I may ask him to move out. Dave says he's put too much money in our house to leave. What should I do, Abby? -- TIRED OF BEING SECOND FIDDLE

DEAR TIRED: Tell your husband that he may have put too much money into the house to leave, but YOU have put too much time and effort into the marriage to let it collapse. Offer him the chance to save your marriage with counseling. And if he refuses, talk to a lawyer and protect your interests, because as it stands, you have been emotionally abandoned.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend recently gave me a beautiful engagement ring. It is custom-designed. I like it, but I also remember a story he told me when we first began dating. He mentioned he'd had a ring designed for an old girlfriend, but she had refused it. Abby, I think this is the same ring! It makes me uncomfortable knowing that the ring he gave me might have been designed with another woman in mind.

Should I ask him about it with the fear he might get defensive? Or should I adopt a "don't ask/don't tell" policy? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Speak up and ask. And if the answer to your question is yes, let him know that you would prefer another setting. An engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of his love for you -- and you alone.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my 27-year-old daughter was coming out of a store behind a woman who was reeking of very strong perfume. It triggered an asthma attack and my daughter ended up in the emergency room.

Would you please remind your readers that they should apply their perfume with discretion, and that there are people who are allergic to it and could end up seriously ill if they are exposed to it? -- KATHY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR KATHY: Your message has been in this column before, but it is one that's worth repeating, and I'm pleased to help. It applies to both women and men, because in many cases both sexes are equally heavy-handed when it comes to applying scents. To steal a line from an old jingle, "A little dab'll do ya." So please show some consideration for those whom you encounter in the workplace, in elevators and on airplanes as well. In an enclosed environment, the effects can be overpowering, or even life-threatening.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My youngest stepson killed himself four months ago. He was only 16. His father and I knew what signs to look for, but we didn't recognize any of them in him. The friends who were with him the day he died knew he wanted to commit suicide, and they also knew he had a loaded gun. However, thinking they had talked him out of going through with it, they left him alone. By the time he was found, it was too late.

I am writing this so others will understand that a person who threatens suicide should never be left alone -- especially if he or she has the means to do it. I know my stepson's friends thought they had the situation under control and that he'd be all right -- but he wasn't.

My family will grieve our son's loss for the rest of our lives. As long as I live, I will never understand why no one called us or the authorities. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your stepson. Many kids are hesitant to "rat" on each other. They are optimistic and also consider themselves and their contemporaries to be immune to danger. In your stepson's case, they tragically miscalculated -- and, like you, will also grieve the loss of your stepson for the rest of their lives because a suicide has an impact on everyone.

The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) publishes a fact sheet to help people recognize signs of depression and suicide risk. They are:

(1) Change in personality: sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, indecisive, apathetic.

(2) Change in behavior: can't concentrate on work, school, routine tasks.

(3) Change in sleep pattern: oversleeping or insomnia, sometimes with early waking.

(4) Change in eating habits: loss of appetite and weight, or overeating.

(5) Loss of interest in friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously enjoyed.

(6) Worry about money, illness (either real or imaginary).

(7) Fear of losing control, going crazy, harming self or others.

(8) Feelings of overwhelming guilt, shame, self-hatred.

(9) No hope for the future: "It will never get better; I will always feel this way."

(10) Drug or alcohol abuse.

(11) Recent loss through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship, or loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem.

(12) Loss of religious faith.

(13) Nightmares.

(14) Suicidal impulses, statements, plans; giving away favorite things; previous suicide attempts or gestures.

(15) Agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness may indicate masked depression.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, IMMEDIATELY call the National Hopeline Network's toll-free access number: (800) SUICIDE (784-2433). You will automatically be linked to the closest available accredited suicide hotline. Tell the counselor who answers what is going on and you will receive help.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old inmate. Two years ago, one of my best friends was killed by a drunk driver. When I was sentenced for theft and incarcerated here, I learned that the guy who killed my buddy is also doing time in this correction center.

For the longest time, I hated the guy who killed my pal. But after a while I started feeling bad for him. He has to live for the rest of his life with the fact that he killed someone because he got behind the wheel when he was wasted.

At first, all I wanted to know was what happened that night. But after time went by, I ended up wanting to forgive him. When I told my friend's wife, "Trisha," that I was getting to know this guy, she got really angry.

I understand how Trisha feels, but she's not the only one whose life was wrecked that night. I lost a good buddy and I'm trying to forgive the man who's responsible. Am I on the right track here, Abby? -- ONE-DAY-AT-A-TIMER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ONE-DAY-AT-A-TIMER: I think you are. However, to forgive -- or not to forgive -- is a personal decision. I understand the widow's pain and anger, but she should not judge you for choosing to divest yourself of the burden of hate. Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old single female whose past has been filled with physical, emotional and sexual abuse that began when I was 5.

Even though my past was horrendous, I've always felt that my life would get better. Well, two marriages and several long-term relationships later, I am STILL being abused. It seems I attract only men who are physically abusive, emotionally unavailable -- or both.

Do you think there is something in my character that tells abusive men I am an easy target? I am so sad and lonely that I've found myself thinking more and more about killing myself. I know I have something to live for -- I just don't know what it is. -- LOST AND UNLOVED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOST AND UNLOVED: If you have a plan to kill yourself, I urge you to pick up the phone, speak to the operator and ask to be connected to the suicide hotline. Please get the help you deserve so you can lead the happy, healthy life you want. That road begins with counseling to rid yourself of the baggage from your childhood. With professional help, you'll learn to break unhealthy and unhappy patterns and "reprogram" your expectations about what is normal and acceptable in relationships. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: About eight years ago, I ordered your two cookbooklets and I loved the recipes, especially the Spicy Shrimp or Lobster Appetizer and the Gourmet Rice Pudding you offered. I loaned one booklet out -- and never got it back -- and misplaced the other. Are they still available? If so, how can I get copies of them? -- J.P. IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR J.P.: My cookbooklet set is frequently requested and it's still available. It contains some wonderful family favorite recipes and can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)