DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman married almost 28 years. The last 12 have not been good. In 1984, my husband was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and a drug was prescribed to control his blood sugar. His doctor urged him to maintain a healthy diet and to exercise. He has not done well with his disease -- and continues to smoke.

Three months ago, I found out that he stopped taking his medication. This has led him to be a more volatile person than he already was. He's smashed furniture and broken things. My husband has never hit me or our two daughters, but he has thrown things in my direction. When he flies into a rage, he is terrifying.

Our girls are now 21 and 18. The older one is being married this summer, and we are busy planning the wedding. Because of our current financial situation, I don't think we can give her the wedding of her dreams, but my husband promised her $10,000. Abby, I honestly don't know where it's going to come from because I recently discovered he has accrued credit card debt to the tune of $75,000. I cannot begin to tell you how stressed I am over all this.

My spouse does not seem to be worried about any of it, and I am at a loss. I'm not working right now, but intend to find a job to help us get out of debt. I know wedding vows say "in sickness and in health," but what if one partner is not taking care of himself?

I am trying to decide whether it would be wise for me to move out of state and live with my mother, and let my husband try to straighten out his life.

I'll be honest. It's been a long time since I've been touched by a man. My husband is impotent and won't seek help for this, either. I have repeatedly begged him to attend a men's diabetic support group, but he refuses.

I'd like a nice companion with whom to walk through life, but the mere thought makes me feel guilty. Thanks for letting me unburden myself. These secrets have been with me for too long. -- WANTS A LIFE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WANTS A LIFE: As sad as it is, your husband appears to have decided not to get the help he so desperately needs. You should tell his doctor about his temper and that he has stopped taking his medication. His life could depend on it.

Next, tell your daughter the financial facts of life about her wedding plans. She needs to know the truth now so she can realistically plan her budget.

Then talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself from the consequences of your husband's financial irresponsibility.

I see nothing wrong with going to your mother's to regroup and to get some T.L.C. while you plan how you're going to spend the rest of your life. Counseling will help. You are overdue.

DEAR ABBY: I am only 11, but I'm having boy trouble. I like this guy whose name is "Rusty." He is in the fifth grade with me. He asked me to meet him at the movie. I said yes, but my parents said no, and I didn't show. Now he hates me. What should I do? -- SAD CHICK, ANNISTON, ALA.

DEAR SAD CHICK: Being stood up is humiliating. Rusty probably feels more hurt than hate. A step in the right direction would be to apologize for standing him up and explain the reason why you did it. That way, he will know YOU don't hate HIM.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a Navy wife. My husband is deployed to the Persian Gulf. Since his departure, I find myself worrying most of the time, and I would like to do something constructive. I'd like to get a job, because frankly, I could use the extra income, but I don't know where to start.

We recently moved to Norfolk, Va., but will probably have to relocate again when my husband returns to the States, so I can't commit to a long-term position. Since you do such a wonderful job assisting families with all kinds of issues, have you any suggestions for me?

Thank you in advance. -- ELIZABETH GUIDRY, NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR ELIZABETH: I admire your "take action" approach to coping with the stress and separation, and I agree that a job would be a terrific outlet. I consulted a friend at the Department of the Navy, who suggests that you look into a program called Adecco Career Accelerator. It's a partnership between the Department of the Navy and a worldwide staffing company called Adecco, specifically designed for military spouses -- active and reserve -- who have difficulty finding work because of frequent relocations.

Adecco recruiters provide military spouses with career counseling, training and job placement -- at no cost to the military or the spouses. The company then places people in a wide range of positions, from administrative to technical, financial and light industrial, which provides a variety of options. Another advantage of this program is that vacation and other benefits transfer with you when you move. The program isn't hard to find. It operates on or near almost every Navy and Marine Corps base in the country.

Military spouses are a valuable untapped reservoir of talent and resources. We should all recognize the important contributions of military spouses not only in the lives of their families, but also to our nation. I salute each and every one of you, and support your efforts.

To locate the nearest Adecco office, visit www.usadecco.com/careeraccelerator/.

DEAR ABBY: "Humiliated in the Rocky Mountains" said she had found evidence on their computer that her husband was cheating. She did not mention what the "evidence" was, but if it's e-mails, she should be very cautious about accusing her husband because things aren't always as they seem.

I set up an e-mail address for my dog, Chester. I give out his address whenever a Web site requires an e-mail address and I do not wish to receive e-mails from them.

Just last night, Chester received an e-mail from "Ginger." The subject was, "Thanks for the great time last night, Tiger!" While Chester is a fun-loving dog, he is not THAT friendly. I had him "fixed" when he was a year old.

It turned out to be an unsolicited e-mail ("spam") advertising a pornographic Web site. Had I received that e-mail and my wife had seen it, goodness knows what she'd think. -- KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON CHESTER, NORTHBROOK, ILL.

DEAR KEEPING: Thank you for pointing this out. Your letter may save someone's marriage from going to the dogs.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "High on Talent/Low on Self-Esteem" touched my heart. My son also knew at an early age that he wanted to be an artist. He is now at one of the most prestigious art schools in New York City.

My advice to "High/Low" is to request support and advice from his school counselors and art teachers. There are weekend and summer studios at museums and colleges for students of all ages. It's important to keep his grades up. Scholarships are available for good students with talent. The teen should draw, draw, draw -- keep his sketchbooks and start a portfolio. Observational drawing is a must. He should familiarize himself not only with pencil and pen, but also with charcoal and pastels.

Above all, that young man should not give up. True artists draw not because they can, but because they must. There are many career options in the field. Artschools.com is a good Web site for information. -- MOTHER OF AN ARTIST, MERRIMACK, N.H.

DEAR M.O.A.: Whistler's mother had nothing on you. Bless you for wanting to help.

That letter brought an enormous response from readers. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old artist, and I want to tell "High on Talent" and his parents to follow his dream. Animation is a respectable career. It can pay very well, besides being fun.

Some tips I got from a Disney animator who visited our school:

Carry a sketchbook everywhere, and use it. Copy the great masters or any artist you admire. Museums are great for this purpose. Practice design and composition. All artists are designers. Photography is a good way to practice composition. Observe differences in how people and animals move -- no two are alike. Animate a bouncing ball. Every principle of animation can be found in this exercise. Watch TV with the sound muted. You will see how animation is mostly about timing.

Most important: As artists we constantly need visual "food" to sustain us. Consume as much high-quality "art food" as you can and keep drawing! Who knows? Maybe you and I will be famous artists one day! -- SUZY IN COLORADO

DEAR SUZY: How nice of you to share those tips from a professional!

DEAR ABBY: While one should not push a child into college to become an artist, neither should one close the door on a child who might turn out to be the next Picasso (who lived the life of a millionaire and was famous for much of his lifetime). It was the highly visible Vincent Van Gogh who got us all thinking that artists live in poverty and die in obscurity. -- MR. V., ART TEACHER, NEW JERSEY

DEAR MR. V.: Now that's an art lesson in a nutshell.

DEAR ABBY: There are lots of jobs for animators. Technical colleges and universities offer programs for this high-demand field every year -- and have problems staffing them. The popularity of movies such as "Monsters Inc." and "Ice Age" have created a demand for computer artists, and so has the video game industry. How do I know? I'm an instructor at a community college in the Northwest, and we can't find enough teachers for our program in art animation. -- MICHELE S. IN SEATTLE

DEAR MICHELE: Thank you, and all of those who wrote to encourage that young man and reassure his parents.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)