DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about my 12-year-old daughter, "Carrie." She's in seventh grade. The other night, I came across a letter she was writing to a girlfriend from school. It said, "I have 'Frenched' with him twice in the hallway.'" I was shocked! After taking a little while to get it together, I calmly asked Carrie about it. She refused to explain.

Abby, this is a girl who wanted (and got) a Barbie Talking Dream House for Christmas! How can she be French- kissing anyone?

Carrie and I have always been close, but now I realize she has confided in me less and less over the last several months. As she's gotten older, I'm afraid I don't know who she is anymore.

Her father and I are separated. He is currently enrolled in a 28-day alcohol recovery program. Carrie has not had much of a relationship with him for a couple of years now. I know that you are going to suggest counseling, and I am not opposed to that. However, my real question is, how do I convince my daughter to go? I know she'll fight it, and I hate the idea of forcing her to do anything. -- WORRIED AND CONFUSED MOM IN DELAWARE

DEAR MOM: If you haven't already done so, it is time for you to have a frank mother-daughter talk with your daughter about sex, and the responsibilities that go with it. Children are maturing faster than ever, and Carrie is right on schedule. There are many books for parents and teens on this important subject.

After you have done that, family counseling will improve your level of communication. As long as she knows the counseling isn't being aimed solely at her, she'll be less likely to object. As a member of the family, Carrie should be included.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old, college-educated, single woman. I have a good job and own my own home. A few months ago, I met "Willie," a divorced man who is a couple of years younger than me. We initially exchanged e-mails, then met in person after several weeks. Willie is also well-educated and has a good job. We are extremely compatible, and our relationship has progressed to the point that we are now discussing marriage.

The problem is my mother and single, older sister disapprove of me spending time with Willie. They say I don't spend enough time with them and he is trying to separate us.

When we began dating, I invited Mom and my sister to join us for dinners. All my offers were refused. Willie did spend Christmas with us, but it was awkward.

I have told them how much Willie and I care for each other and that marriage is a possibility, but every time I see them, all they do is complain about my relationship.

Wouldn't you think that when I finally found someone, they would be supportive? What can I do to make this a more peaceful situation? -- TORN IN ALABAMA

DEAR TORN: If the only concern your mother and sister have about Willie is the fact that your relationship leaves you with less time to spend with them, the problem is theirs, and you should not make it yours. Neither should you put yourself into the thankless position of being the family peacemaker. I have a feeling no man will ever measure up to their "standards." Follow you heart and have a happy, fulfilling life.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I hope the woman whose niece is marrying the rich doctor who wants her to sign a prenup sees my letter. When "Harold" and I married, he had considerably more property and a bigger income than I did. I wanted him and his adult children to know I wasn't after his money, so I volunteered to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Harold's attorney drew up the agreement, and I foolishly signed it without reading it. I assumed that anything either of us owned prior to our marriage would remain our respective personal properties -- but that after we married, we'd accumulate assets together.

Early on, it became clear that Harold wanted our finances kept separate. We never had a joint checking account, and he made me feel like I needed his permission to spend a penny. So I kept my job and never once asked Harold for money.

Well, I finally got around to reading the agreement I had signed. To my astonishment, it specified that we would never own anything jointly, nor have access to anything the other acquired during our marriage. I was crushed. In my eyes, that document made a mockery of our union. I told Harold I didn't know I had married someone who cared so little about my welfare. He maintained that the agreement was a standard prenup.

After that, I knew I had to "make my own way." I divorced Harold, got a higher-paying job and bought a home. I feel more secure now than I did during our entire marriage.

The sad part is, Harold and I always got along great. It was only our difference of opinion about money that wrecked our marriage. Now I am asking myself if I made too big a deal over the whole thing. Abby, your opinion, please. -- ON MY OWN IN TEXAS

DEAR ON YOUR OWN: A prenuptial agreement is supposed to be a pact that is satisfactory to both parties regarding the division of property should anything happen to either one of them or to the marriage. Such agreements are usually negotiated, and as with any legal document, should not be signed unless it has been carefully read and understood -- and checked by an independent attorney. Your mistake was not taking the document to a lawyer of your own and having it explained to you before signing it.

In my opinion, Harold took advantage of your trust. And no, you did not make "too big a deal" out of the whole thing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I used to be against prenuptial agreements. Now, after a nasty divorce from my ex, who bilked me out of my inheritance from my grandmother and walked away with 90 percent of the assets we acquired during our marriage, I'm sorry I didn't insist on one. I have since remarried, and thought you'd like to know how my current husband describes a prenup: He says the agreement is like saying, "I love you so much that I'm willing to protect you from what 'I' might do if we ever split up." In essence, you are protecting not only yourself, but the person you love. A noble sentiment to be sure. -- HAPPILY MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: The document actually does more than that, but I like your husband's definition. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I signed a prenup with my fiance before we married. It was nerve-racking, but we worked it out. The document protects us both. It gave my fiance the peace of mind that I loved him, not his money. And it protects me because I know I'll have financial stability should we ever divorce. My parents thought I was foolish to sign it, but I think they were foolish to object. -- SECURE AND HAPPY

DEAR SECURE AND HAPPY: You're not only secure and happy, but you are also a smart woman.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to spread the word that the state of Illinois has a "safe haven" law. Instead of taking the drastic step of abandoning a newborn infant, parents need to know that there is an alternative. Babies within three days of birth can be taken to any staffed fire station or hospital. You don't have to give your name -- no police will be called. Your baby will get medical care and be placed for adoption. This "no questions asked" safe alternative is for parents who might otherwise panic and try to hide the birth by abandoning the infant.

If you or anyone you know needs more information, within Illinois call (800) 252-2873. The number is active 24/7. -- CONCERNED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONCERNED: California also has a safe-haven law, but because my column appears in papers nationwide, I called my friend Bill Lockyer, attorney general for the state of California, to ask how many other states have similar laws. He informed me that 42 states have such protections; however, the grace period varies in duration. (Some states demand the child must be a newborn; others allow three days, 30 days or 45 days as the grace period.)

Only eight states do not have such a compassionate provision at this time. However, legislation is pending in Hawaii, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Virginia and Wyoming. Alaska and Nebraska have no such provision pending. They are far behind the times.

I recommend that concerned citizens in all eight states write or e-mail their legislators and let them know how important such a law is, and that when it has passed, it should be PUBLICIZED. As regrettable as the need for such a law may be, it's better than a child being left to die of exposure in a Dumpster or a restroom by a parent who could not cope with parenthood.

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school and the class clown. I crave the spotlight. However, when it comes to giving an oral presentation in front of the class, I clam up, sweat, and get so scared I can hardly speak. It doesn't make sense because I sing in the choir and have taken large roles in school plays -- all in front of huge audiences.

Why is it I'm shy in front of my class, but not in front of a crowd? -- SHY CLOWN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SHY CLOWN: When you're singing lyrics or reciting lines written by someone else, you assume another personality. It's the mark of a talented performer. However, when you're making a presentation in front of the class, you are being yourself, and the ideas are your own. This makes you feel vulnerable.

Consider this: The next time you do an oral presentation, pretend you're a strong, confident newscaster. I'll bet you ace the assignment.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with a man I like very much. The problem is he's always laughing, and it makes me uneasy.

My father used to say, "Beware of people who laugh constantly. They usually have something to hide." Every conversation I have with this man is filled with laughter -- even when there's nothing remotely funny.

I need to know if I should be concerned about him. Please help. -- NO LAUGHING MATTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO LAUGHING MATTER: It could be a nervous habit, or it could be his way of coping with stress. Bring it to his attention and see what he says. Also, as with any other kind of relationship, listen to your gut. If that little voice keeps whispering that there's something not kosher, find another boyfriend.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)