DEAR ABBY: I am writing to spread the word that the state of Illinois has a "safe haven" law. Instead of taking the drastic step of abandoning a newborn infant, parents need to know that there is an alternative. Babies within three days of birth can be taken to any staffed fire station or hospital. You don't have to give your name -- no police will be called. Your baby will get medical care and be placed for adoption. This "no questions asked" safe alternative is for parents who might otherwise panic and try to hide the birth by abandoning the infant.

If you or anyone you know needs more information, within Illinois call (800) 252-2873. The number is active 24/7. -- CONCERNED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONCERNED: California also has a safe-haven law, but because my column appears in papers nationwide, I called my friend Bill Lockyer, attorney general for the state of California, to ask how many other states have similar laws. He informed me that 42 states have such protections; however, the grace period varies in duration. (Some states demand the child must be a newborn; others allow three days, 30 days or 45 days as the grace period.)

Only eight states do not have such a compassionate provision at this time. However, legislation is pending in Hawaii, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Virginia and Wyoming. Alaska and Nebraska have no such provision pending. They are far behind the times.

I recommend that concerned citizens in all eight states write or e-mail their legislators and let them know how important such a law is, and that when it has passed, it should be PUBLICIZED. As regrettable as the need for such a law may be, it's better than a child being left to die of exposure in a Dumpster or a restroom by a parent who could not cope with parenthood.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with a man I like very much. The problem is he's always laughing, and it makes me uneasy.

My father used to say, "Beware of people who laugh constantly. They usually have something to hide." Every conversation I have with this man is filled with laughter -- even when there's nothing remotely funny.

I need to know if I should be concerned about him. Please help. -- NO LAUGHING MATTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO LAUGHING MATTER: It could be a nervous habit, or it could be his way of coping with stress. Bring it to his attention and see what he says. Also, as with any other kind of relationship, listen to your gut. If that little voice keeps whispering that there's something not kosher, find another boyfriend.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Three Girls From Zanesville, Ohio" wrote that they were sexually harassed at their high school by a boy who touches, grabs and pinches them. They complained to the assistant principal, and the boy was given one day of detention -- after which the harassment escalated.

Those girls should know that telling the assistant principal one time is not enough. Although your advice to tell their parents is important, much more needs to be done.

Victims must document and report any future incidents immediately to an adult at the school. In my school, if such a report occurs, the perpetrator is immediately suspended. Expulsion and legal action are also used if the sexual harassment does not stop.

In addition, because the perpetrators are often skilled at not exhibiting this behavior in clear view of adults, I teach victims how to respond so that the perpetrator is exposed. Victims must clearly and loudly tell the offender to "Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Don't say that to me!" This alerts adults and students in the school that there's a problem. Notes, e-mails or written messages must be saved and turned over to school officials. I also review the incident with the staff, to alert them to be more observant of possible future problems.

It is only through CONTINUED communication between the victim and school officials that effective action can be taken and the harassment stopped. -- GORDON W. HOOD, PRINCIPAL, NICHOLS MIDDLE SCHOOL, EVANSTON, ILL.

DEAR GORDON: Thank you for writing. Let it be lost on no one that although the girls who wrote to me were in high school, harassment also happens in middle school -- and even grammar school.

DEAR ABBY: The boy who sexually harassed the "Three Girls From Zanesville" is committing a crime. Boys who do this have no sense of appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex. If they'll do it in public, there's no telling what they will do in a private setting.

What is most surprising to me about these cases is the fact that the girls seem to tolerate it for extended periods of time. My experience leads me to believe that the culture of high school and/or junior high leads these girls to believe that they brought the harassment on themselves.

Please let all students know that inappropriate touching is not OK. They are entitled to go to school and feel safe. Policing by peers is the strongest deterrent to this type of behavior. Classmates as well as victims need to speak out against this behavior. -- DEPUTY PROSECUTOR IN WASHINGTON

DEAR D.P.: The girls "tolerate" it because they haven't learned how to effectively stop it. But you're right, silence does indicate that it's acceptable. Peer pressure can be a powerful weapon for good. When people speak out and let those around them know they won't tolerate something and stand together, it can change a culture.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EL RANCHO HIGH SCHOOL MACHO MAN: Being macho and part of the "in crowd" gives no one the right to belittle others. There's a saying, "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." Sounds like the voice of experience to me.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Brian," and I are in our early 30s. In June we will have been dating for six years. We've lived together for four. I am ready for marriage and a family, but Brian considers marriage a "financial decision." He has told me more than once that he would gain nothing by marrying me.

Frankly, our living arrangement has never been financially ideal for me. At the time we moved in together, I had been making payments on a small home that would have been paid for by now. I sold it (taking a loss) and gave away all my furniture when I moved in with Brian. He had just purchased a pricey home, and I have always paid him rent and shared all living expenses.

So I have to ask myself: What does my live-in companion have to "lose" financially by marrying me? I continue to pay him rent. At my own expense I have painted the bedrooms, put up all new drapes and blinds, planted a beautiful garden –- all for a house that's not even mine.

Last June, I gave Brian one year to ask me to marry him. Here it is almost May, and he is no closer to proposing now than he was then. Am I being unreasonable to expect a serious commitment? Any advice would help. Sign me ... COLORADO LADY IN WAITING

DEAR LADY IN WAITING: Unreasonable, no. Naive, yes. Your boyfriend is a self-admitted cash-and-carry kind of guy. He is only interested in the financial benefits of your current arrangement.

You have stars in your eyes, and Brian is blinded by dollar signs. If you want a real partnership, find someone with whom you have more in common.

DEAR ABBY: "Vivian" has been my best friend for 11 years. Our children are the same ages and our families have always been close. Last summer, Viv suddenly stopped talking to me and wouldn't return my phone calls. The last time we spoke was Christmas when she brought gifts over for the kids and acted like everything was fine. I haven't heard a word from her since.

I miss my friend and I am mystified as to why she won't return my calls and e-mails. I thought we were as close as sisters. I don't understand how a grown woman can toss out a longtime friendship like yesterday's garbage. What more can I do, Abby? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN OREGON

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You have done all you can to preserve the friendship. The ball is now in Vivian's court. There may be something going on in her life that she's not willing to share with you at this time. Go on with your life and don't second-guess what you should or shouldn't have done.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter will soon be here. Many people regard it as an occasion to give pets to small children. A word of caution: If you plan to surprise a child with a duckling, a chick or a baby rabbit, please consider that living creatures need proper care. Unless you are absolutely certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give the child a stuffed bird or rabbit instead. Regardless of how cute baby birds and animals are, they should not be given to children on impulse.

If you have gotten this far and are still determined to give a live baby rabbit as a gift, I strongly advise that you do some research first. Visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.RabbitNetwork.org/articles/easter.shtml" ��www.RabbitNetwork.org/articles/easter.shtml� for information about rabbits' life expectancy, health issues, temperament and desirability as household pets.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)